Guitar Hiroshima: Valhallen

So, I own every Guitar Hero game now. $5 is my sweetspot, and goddamn, did I find a sweet spot to get these games. i'm so sorry
These means I will be posting my impressions on every game in release order at a reasonable pace. Here is the list:
Guitar Hero: World Tour
Guitar Hero Metallica
Guitar Hero: Skipped Numbers are Edgy
Band Hero
Guitar Hero Van Halen
Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock


Guitar Hero Valhallen was the final of the NINE FUCKING "HERO" GAMES RELEASED IN 2009.
It doesn't use any of the improvements from SNAE or Band Hero, instead using GH:WT's gameplay. I have no idea why.
The guest acts were thrown to Wolfgang by unanimous vote of "he can do it". Thus, they have no relation to the history of the band at all.
This game features no Michael Anthony and no Sammy Hagar. The biggest crime of all.
Because of these points, this game comes off less as "tribute to Valhallen's legacy" and more as "cash-grab".

A Valhallen game that explores both the Roth and Hagar eras would be perfect. The guest acts could be relevant to Van Halen, maybe even including a solo song from both Roth and Hagar. Hell, they could put in an Extreme song and have Gary Cherone as a "guest" character.
Shame that Valhallen are a bunch of petty cunts who hate whomever isn't currently singing.

Also, what the fuck is up with geriatric-ass Roth and Eddie here? They look like we're fucking ROCKIN' THE REST HOME
And don't even get me fucking started on chub-ass Wolfgang. I feel like I'm going to be the victim of a drive-by truffle shuffle.

"Panama": B+
I mean, it's Panama. Simple riff, but that solo is pretty sweet.

"Runnin' with the Devil": A+
This is probably Valhallen's best song with Roth. It's certainly the best to sing along to.

Billy Idol/"White Wedding": B
Oh, hey. It's this song. Again. Rock Band 2, San Andreas, this baby is in fucking everything. It's the same as it ever was.

Blink-182/"First Date": C
It's a fucking Blink-182 song that sounds exactly the fucking same as every fucking other fucking Blink-182 song. Still better than Angels and Airwaves.

The Clash/"Safe European Home": C+
It's a decent enough song, but it's kind of unremarkable in every way.

Fountains of Wayne/"Stacy's Mom": C
Gotta love that classic Wolfgang sense of humour.
The song itself is generic and doesn't explore any of the social effects of going straight to the bone zone with the titular mother.

Third Eye Blind/"Semi-Charmed Life": C-
If it ain't Carly Rae Jepsen, it ain't worth my time.

"Dance the Night Away": C
One of Valhallen's most mediocre songs, given life with a mediocre chart.

"Jamie's Cryin'": C+
I never realised how bland this song's guitar part really is.

"Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love": B+
A lot more interesting than the last few songs, which is nice. There's really not much to say about Valhallen.

"Atomic Punk": B+
I've been hard on this song in the past, and I sort of regret it. It's not bad. Probably better than Jamie's Cryin'.

"Intruder/Oh, Pretty Woman": C
Intruder is self-indulgent wankery.
Oh, Pretty Woman is far inferior to the original (which was in Band Hero, which came out literally a month prior), and the original would have been PERFECT for a not-Valhallen song. Metallica did it for Stone Cold Crazy, Turn the Page, Tuesday's Gone, and many more, but Valhallen stuck us with...

Foo Fighters/"Best of You": B
ALL RIGHT BAD EXAMPLE THIS IS A GREAT SONG
But it's completely irrelevant to Valhallen in every way.

Jimmy Eat World/"Pain": B
This is a great song. Like, yes. It is. The chart is mostly chords, but that's okay.

Foreigner/"Double Vision": A-
Shit yeah.
I think I prefer Double Vision to Hot-Blooded. They're very similar, but this song's just got something better about it.

Lenny Kravitz/"Rock and Roll is Dead": A
These games always portray Lenny Kravitz in a positive light. If I'd only heard this song, Fly Away, Always on the Run, Are You Gonna Go My Way?, and American Woman, I'd think he was just great. But I've listened to two of his albums, and I can safely say that HE IS NOT
HE HAS LITERALLY FIVE GOOD SONGS (I would have said four before just now)

Weezer/"Dope Nose": A+
This is one of Weezer's best songs, post-2000. The guitar part is far more fun than I'd imagined. Shame they censored the word "fag", though.

"And the Cradle Will Rock...": D+
Relies far too much on the Misirlou trick.

"Everybody Wants Some!!": C
That intro is really boring, but the rest is fine.

"Unchained": B
Despite being a great song, the chart is just okay.

"You Really Got Me": A+
Just like in GH2, an extremely fun song.

"Jump": C+
I hate Jump. I hate the annoying-ass synth. But the guitar solo and the synth solo are fun.

The Offspring/"Pretty Fly for a White Guy": B+
I don't know why, but I've always found this song very fun in Rock Band. That hasn't changed for this game.

Queen/"I Want it All": A+
Those solos, those solos, oh God. I mean, yeah, I played it in Rock Band. But it's still fucking amazing.

Deep Purple/"Space Truckin'": A+
Say what you will about Neversoft, but, holy shit, they do right by Deep Purple.

Alter Bridge/"Come to Life": B
Horrible song, fun chart. I hate Alter Bridge guy.

Yellowcard/"The Takedown": A+
Agnew's vindication. This is an absolutely perfect song for the game. Those riffs, those solos, GodDAMN.

"Feel Your Love Tonight": B
A better song than chart.

"Hear About it Later": C
Album filler turned game filler.

"Ice Cream Man": A+
I love this song, honestly. The chart may be nothing special, but the fucking song, man.
I also love how it started with just Roth and his guitar, then the lights flicked on when the band came in.

"So This is Love?": A
A much better song than I'd remembered, and it's got some great solos.

"Beautiful Girls": A-
This song is more about the chart than the song. Great chart, okay song.

Judas Priest/"Painkiller": A+
It's fucking Painkiller. One of the best songs in Rock Band 2.

Killswitch Engage/"The End of Heartache": B+
A bad song with a pretty great chart. If you're going to give me a bad song, might as well be this one.

Queens of the Stone Age/"Sick, Sick, Sick": D
I get the feeling that Neversoft are unaware that QOTSA have albums that aren't Era Vulgaris. This isn't one of the better songs from it, and the chart doesn't help.

Tenacious D/"Master Exploder": A++
I deducted points for censoring the best line in the song (KG's "fuckin'"), but it still came out as the best song in the game. Oh well.

"Mean Street": A
Those solos are basically why it hits so hard. One of Eddie's best songs, for sure.

"Little Guitars": B+
Much better than I'd remembered. Even the filler "intro" track is fun.

"Somebody Get Me a Doctor": B
A pretty fun song. One of the better songs from Valhallen II, even if that's not saying much.

"Hang 'em High": A-
I like that riff a lot, and it's got a bunch of other interesting bits.

"Loss of Control": A+
That psycho-ass riff is just the best.

"Romeo Delight": B+
The chart tries to trick you into thinking the riff is more complicated than it is.

"Hot for Teacher": B+
I remember it being more fun in World Tour.

"I'm the One": A+
I'm going to say right now that those are Eddie's best solos. The acapella part is amazing, too.

"Cathedral": A+
A very short and fun guitar solo from Eddie. It's got more HOs than a brothel, and don't even get me started on the POs.

"Spanish Fly":
OH FUCK YOU
I CAN'T PLAY THAT

"Eruption":
OH LOOK AT ME I'M EDDIE VALHALLEN
I INVENTED GUITARS
LA DEE DA
FUCK YOU