Svartilocks and the Three Guys

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"man travelling alone through this forest fucking SUCKS" Svart spots a small house in the distance. "oh boy" Svart knocks on the door, but there's no answer. "oh well finders keepers" Svart dives through the window and sits at the table. "OH SHIT CHAIRS" Svart bounces up and down. "I FUCKING LOVE CHAIRS" Svart sits down in the smallest chair, breaking it. Svart begins to whistle badly and sweeps the chair parts under the rug. Svart then sits in the middle chair, which is covered in spikes. "WHO WOULD EVEN MAKE SUCH A THING" Svart gets up, bleeding, and sits in the largest chair. "ahhhhhh"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"man i'm hungry" Svart wanders into the kitchen, and finds the table set with three bowls of porridge. "oh shit i love porridge" Svart tries to dig a spoon into the smallest bowl, but his spoon is shattered by the frozen porridge. "this porridge is too cold" Svart digs into the medium-sized bowl of porridge, which melts the spoon. "this porridge is too hot" Svart digs into the largest bowl. "oh man that hit the spot" Svart yawns. "man i'm tired" Svart wanders over to the beds and lays on the smallest one. "this bed is too made out of nails" Svart wanders over to the second bed and lays on it. "this bed has a pea under the mattress" Svart wanders over to the largest bed and lays down. "ahhhhhhhhh"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Eif, Jakey, and Bran get home. "oh no my chair is broken!!!" Eif races over to sob into the remains of his chair. "OH NO MY CHAIR IS COVERED IN BLOOD" "MY CHAIR IS COVERED IN EVEN MORE BLOOD" "pfft show-off" The three walk into the kitchen. "OH NO SOMEONE BROKE MY SPOON" "someone MELTED my spoon" "someone ate all my porridge!!!" "fuck off jakey no one likes you" The three walk into the bedroom. "my bed is covered in blood!!!" "my bed is also covered in blood" "there's a PERSON in my bed!!!" "stop showing off" "never" Jakey tears the covers off his bed. "hello" "hello" "how do you feel" "kind of bloody" "good good" "you should stay here and recover" "oh if you insist" Svart goes back to sleep and Jakey, Eif, and Bran leave the house. Bran lights a match and throws it onto the house, engulfing it in flames. "this bed is too on fire"
THE END