A Thing (2013)

Mission 124: The End [Japanese Barman]
"JAPANESE BARMAN?!" "hello" "WHAT I YOU BUT WHY" "i 'thought it would be funny'" "DAMN YOU JAPANESE BARMAN" "HA I TRICKED YOU INTO THINKING I WAS JAPANESE BARMAN" The Prince of Wales rips off his disguise. "DAMN YOU THE PRINCE OF WALES" A single tear streams down Jakey's face. "don't play with my emotions" "come on jakey everybody knows japanese barman wouldn't do that" "yeah i guess it was pretty silly to be tricked by-" "HA I TRICKED YOU I REALLY AM JAPANESE BARMAN" Japanese Barman rips off his disguise. "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON ANY MORE" "jakey to defeat japanese barman you have to beat him at what he loves the most: being the best character" "BUT NO ONE CAN DO THAT" "well you're shit out of luck then" Sheriff Antony shrugs. Kathy grabs her boombox and starts blaring "You're the Best". "KATHY STOP IF I HAVE ANY CHANCE OF BEING THE BEST CHARACTER YOU HAVE TO BE LAME" "oh sorry" "let me try to find some skeletons in japanese barman's closet" "nooooo not my closet" Jakey opens the closet to find Bush's corpse. "WHAT" "DUDE YOU'RE NOT THE BEST CHARACTER AT ALL" "HA I TRICKED YOU THAT'S NOT MY CLOSET" "FUCK" "would you like some coffee" "oh yeah i'm really thirsty" Japanese Barman hands Jakey a mug. Jakey takes a sip. "wow this is great coffee" "fuck yeah it is" "what's your secret" "poison" "WHAT" "HA I TRICKED YOU I DIDN'T REALLY POISON IT" "FUCK" "ALSO HA I TRICKED YOU THAT ISN'T COFFEE" "..." The mug slowly melts. "THAT'S GROG" "MY STOMACH IS MELTING" "HA I TRICKED YOU THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY GROG" "GODDAMMIT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON" "ALSO HA I TRICKED YOU MY FAVOURITE THING ISN'T BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IT'S BEING JAKEY" Jakey rips off his disguise. "but if you're jakey then i'm" Jakey tugs at his face. "ow" "HA I TRICKED YOU INTO THINKING YOU AREN'T ALSO JAKEY" "HA I TRICKED YOU INTO THINKING JAKEY IS THE PRINCE OF WALES AND ALSO JAPANESE BARMAN" The Prince of Wales drops in from his helicopter. "... i give up" Jakey walks out the door, dejected. "wait come back" Jakey walks by the window, flipping everyone off. "who will be president of the united states" "ME" Obama rips off his disguise. "WHAT" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND" "I WANT MY MONEY BACK" Michelle rips off her disguise. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Japanese Barman t-shirt/Jakey missions]

Mission 125: Her Majesty [Jakey]
"jakey you're home awfully soon" "how's being the president treating you" "what" Jakey holds up a newspaper with the headline "JAKEY BEATS JAKEY". "wait which jakey beat who" "fuck if i know" "so i'm president?" "i guess" "i guess i'll need to hold auditions for vice president" "OOH PICK KATHY" "but kathy you are already secretary of defense, secretary of the treasury, secretary of education, etc." "i can handle it" "have you ever been vice president before?" "no" "then no you can't" "shit fuck cock ass motherfuck" Jakey sets up a booth at Comicon for vice president tryouts. "hello my name is deputy orange and i would be the perfect vice president" "why is that" "if something goes wrong, just blame me" "YOU'RE HIRED" Jakey gets up to shake Deputy Orange's hand, but stubs his toe. "GODDAMMIT ORANGE" "now you're getting it!!!" Michelle walks up to the booth dressed as her favourite anime character, Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/president t-shirt/the credits/THE END]