The Lehman Seven Magnitude Scale of Musical and Other Miscellaneous and Unlawful Rapings of the Anus Cavity

rape 1 (rāp)
n.

1. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
2. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.
3. Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.


As in the ways of science, definitions are the key to understanding. Here, I, Dr. Brandon Lehman, will set the standard for Unlawful Rapings of the Anus Cavity (URAC)

Here I shall demonstrate the Seven levels of URAC, based on my heavy doctoral studies and research. These methods are true about any social setting, but only if the rest of the people gathered at the event could care less about the object being URAC.



Level 1: Entry Level URAC

Definition: Referencing any detail about the object in casual conversation

Example: "Oh, hey Eif, did you see they did Fleetwood Mac's Landslide on American Idol last night?"

in this example, the person even slightly referenced the band Fleetwood Mac, therefore constituting Entry Level URAC. This is also Entry level URAC of American Idol and Eifion Haul Lewis.



Level 2: Getting Serious URAC

Definition: 2 - 3 Entry Level URAC within a 5 minute time span

Example: "Wow, time to listen to Fleetwood Mac's album Tusk all the way through" "o ok" "Hmm, I sure do enjoy Lindsey Buckingham's vocal tone and use of guitar distortion" "o um"

in this example, the person has committed a level 2 (or Getting Serious) URAC towards Fleetwood Mac. Poor Lindsey, he better keep a better watch of his anal cavity.


Level 3: Hang Your Head In Shame URAC

Definition: A frequency greater than 1 of Entry Level URAC; Atleast one mention of the object per minute (URAC/Min > 1)

Example: "Hmm Just downloaded the Tango in the Night Album" "Lookin' out for looooooooove" "this album is not nearly as good as Rumours" "Oh wow, way to suck it up Nicks"

Imagine that this exchange took place within a 3 minute span. Unless the recipient of the messages is okay with the discussion of Tango in the Night, the deliverer of the messages has just physically and emotionally soiled all 5 members of Fleetwood Mac. I weep for you.


Level 4: Nuclear Bomb of URAC (aka "Adjutant Level")

Definition: Named after the most famous Level 4 breach known to man, this is an insane amount of URAC, with a frequency greater than 1 (URAC/Min > 1) over the course of one full day (24 hours)

Example: *buy album* *change forum header* "I sure do love Sebastian Bach" "His hair, so pretty" "Grr, how dare you say Skid Row is bad" "I sure do love their tune I Remember You" "When the clock strikes midnight I'm on the prowl of love" etc.

in this example, the offender has spent his entire day praising Skid Row and its lead singer's hair, reaching the Adjutant Level of URAC.



Level 5: ???

This level of URAC has yet to be discovered. Tentatively named "Lusmore Subsect."


Level 6: The Reverse URAC

Committing Level 5 URAC is irony at it's finest. It is committed when one complains about other's URAC atleast 10 times a day (notice the lack of a frequency)

Example: "wow I can't believe Orange likes muse" "he set it as his facebook status? what a lame" "hmm denying URAC what a lame" "STOP THE URAC" etc.

Notice how this complaining about URAC has become URAC itself, creating hypocrisy and bigotry on a level equal with Adolf Hitler.


Level 7: The Epitome of URAC (aka "Serial URAC")

Definition: Level 3 URAC occuring over the period of 2 or more days. (F > 1, T > 2 days)

Example: Orange

This example is the equivalent of the objects being murdered, necrophilia practiced on them, then their bodies thrown into a broom closet for further sexual torturing. RIP Matt Bellamy.




Exceptions to the URAC scale:

If the examples shown are exchanged between two people of similar interests in the object, this is considered Socially Acceptable Raping of the Anus Cavity or SARAC and can just be shrugged off by passers-by.

If anyone should happen to be a witness of the SARAC and, upon viewing, complains of a URAC occuring, that person is considered a Whiner and should be frowned upon.

When the amount of people conducting the SARAC is equal to the amount of witnesses (SARAC = WITNESS), it becomes known as Awkward and all conversation should cease for a few minutes (1 - 3 approx.), followed by a new conversation and a pretending that the previous event never happened.

Also, Troll URAC (such as last.fm mass scrobbling and jokingly overusing URAC) can be funny on occasion but overdoing it is not an acceptable way of amusing others as it gets annoying real fast.

Thank you, and I hope you appreciate my Cataloguing of the levels of URAC.



DISCLAIMER: This list is for the benefit of everyone. Keep in mind, this list is not to be used as personal attacks on people. The point of the list is to point it out to offenders of URAC so they can correct themselves. Remember, helping others without personal attacks are totally ways to groove on to that distant horizon.

Level 5: ???

This level of URAC has yet to be discovered outside of scientific laboratories. Tentatively called "Subsect Lusmore."

I shall attempt to research this level of URAC when I stay awake for an entire month listening to nothing but "Blame it on the Boogie" by The Jackson 5, and making consistent comments on the various vocal ranges and instrumental prowess.


Also, where does the DAC Strokes obsession fall.

being that a majority of DAC's Strokes URAC were mostly conducted through various Last.fm spammings and his day to day URAC were less prominent, I would put him at a level between 2 and 3.

That seems fair.

HOW WAS THIS OVER A YEAR AGO

URAC stood for Unlawful Raping? who knew

unlawful is kind of implied in the "rape" part though ROFL

Hopefully after the Stereophonics/Coldplay/Duran Duran/Thailors incidents we can now begin to understand more about Subsect Lusmore.

Also, "Socially Acceptable Raping of the Anus Cavity". Oh wow.