Skyremedial: The College of Winterhold

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"oh good you're awake; that was one wild party last night huh?" "yeah uh where are we going" "oh we've been arrested and are going to be executed" "WHAT" "we partied hard and now must face the consequences"
The carriage pulls into the execution yard at Helgen. "okay we've got ulfric, ralof, and uh you're not on the list pal" "KILL HER ANYWAY" "pardon?" "we don't have time for this; put her head on the block and let's go" "fine fine" Hadvar places the heroine's head on the execution block, when all of a sudden, a dragon appears. "THIS WAS NOT ON THE SCHEDULE" The Imperials run around trying to put out the fires the dragon keeps breathing, but to no avail. Our heroine raises herself from the chopping block, grabs some release papers, and heads on her way out into the wide world of Skyrim.

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"hello my name is nephethys i am a recently-released ex-con and i would like to join the college of winterhold" "yeah uh can you cast a spell or anything?" "oh yeah check THIS out" Nephethys conjures a small floating ball of light. "wow that makes you a legit top ten mage in skyrim; welcome aboard" "oh boy" "here's your class curriculum and your uniform" "oh man i'm late for tolfdir's class" Nephethys rushes into the school. "ah it appears we have a new student, just in time for our first field trip!!! load up and let's head to saarthal"
"all right everyone; run around and collect magical trinkets for study but be sure to save some money for the saarthal gift shop" "can do professor" Nephethys finds a magical amulet on a wall and pulls it down, revealing a giant floating ball of magic. "uh-oh looks like we've got a chosen one situation here people; stand back and let me take this giant floating mystical artefact back to the school while nephethys receives annoying visions about her being the chosen one" "what? i'm not the chosen one, brelyna is" "nice try; you're not getting out of this that easily"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"hello nephethys, we were just talking about you and your chosen-ness; this is ancano, the thalmor advisor to the college" "muahahahahaha!!! i will make the power of this mystic artefact mine!!!" "uh professor? he seems evil" "aw don't worry about it; he's good people" Nephethys gives Tolfdir a quizical look. "okay, we have determined through much research that this is the eye of magnus, and we need the staff of magnus to use its power safely so go into the dangerous dungeon full of tricks, traps, and lots and lots of draugr" "i'm just a student" "no, you're the chosen one; get to it"
Nephethys returns to the college with the Staff of Magnus and some fresh wounds. "oh nephethys good you're here!!! remember when i said ancano was good people? well egg on my face!!! he's bad people!!! he's trying to harness the power of the eye of magnus to destroy the world or something!!! i'm not really clear on what his intentions are!!!" "that sucks" "please chosen one!!! defeat ancano and save the world!!!" "fine, fine" Nephythys uses the Staff of Magnus to dispell Ancano's barrier, then whacks him with it. "ow fuck that hurt" Ancano drops dead, and the Eye of Magnus disappears. "congratulations nephythys; you are now our new arch-mage" "wait what; i've taken one class and hit a guy and now i'm the arch-mage? what?" "you are clearly the best wizard in all of skyrim" "i only cast one spell this whole time" "and how many spells have you seen us cast in that timeframe?" "oh, right"
THE END