Hanukkah Special 2019

HANUKKAH SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"yeah dudes pile in welcome to the party" "uh brucie what's that on your shelf" "oh man it's the keg of mountain dew for phase two of the party bro" "no what's that drinking from the keg" "..." "..." "OH FUCK THERE'S AN ELF ON MY SHELF" "dude call the exterminator!!!" "on it on it" Brucie rifles through the phonebook until he finds an ad with the word 'extermination' on it. Soon, the exterminator arrives. "oh thank god i need that elf on my shelf exterminated" "on it" Taylor whips out his rifle and takes a potshot at the elf on the shelf. The elf dodges nimbly, and the shot ricochets off a mirror, puncturing the keg. "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK" "uh listen i going to have to charge you for that bullet so i can go buy another" "YOU ONLY BROUGHT ONE?!" "uh yeah this has never happened before" Brucie slaps himself on the face and hands Taylor money enough for ten bullets.
Taylor soon returns with a single bullet and a hamburger. "thanks for the lunch money bro" "THAT WAS TO BUY MORE THAN ONE BULLET" "ohhhhhhh you should have said that" Taylor looks down at his hamburger. "do you uh want the burger" "just eat it" "thanks bro" Taylor goes to take a bite from his hamburger, but just before he bites down, the elf leaps up and yanks the burger away, greedily beginning to eat it himself. "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK NOW YOU'VE MADE IT PERSONAL" Taylor loads his bullet into his gun, and fires at the elf, but merely hits the hamburger. "GODDAMMIT" "here is money for ten bullets; buy TEN BULLETS WITH IT" "got it chief"
Taylor enters the house a third time, armed with ten whole bullets. "HEAR ME, ELF: I WILL RAIN FURY DOWN UPON YOU; THE SHELF WILL BE STAINED RED WITH YOUR BLOOD" Taylor begins firing wildly in the general direction of the shelf, and a red fluid splatters the shelf. "AHA THE BLOOD HAS BEEN SPILT" "uh that is not the typical colour of blood" Brucie inspects the fluid more closely. "OH NO NOT MY VINTAGE BOTTLES OF MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED" "don't people usually keep those in a special mountain dew cellar" "i take them out around hanukkahtime along with some vintage greens to match the season" "makes sense" Brucie rummages around the shelf, and finds the elf sleeping on the second half of the hamburger from earlier. "hey it's sleeping" "sick check this out" Taylor scoops the elf up in the barrel of his gun, and fires the elf off to parts unknown. "happy hanukkah"
THE END