The Trial Of: Act V - The Vampires' Fortress

ACT V: The Vampires' Fortress

Your entire Adventuresquad has infiltrated the fortress of the vampires, on your first official adventure. No longer will all your conquests be merely "things you did", now you'll have a full adventure under your belt.
Your party includes Sheriff Antony, his horse, your loyal dog Scraps, Rocksworth, and its newest addition, Gwendolyn the vampire. You want to hold hands with Gwendolyn and touch her boobs, but decide that foreplay is required.
You are staring down at a large gambling hall, where vampires bet jars of blood in order to get more. Gwendolyn curses the fact that she only has a half-empty jar of blood on her.
Sheriff Antony rushes down the stairs and begins betting everything he owns on roulette. Gwendolyn follows, heading to the blackjack table. Rocksworth decides to hang back by the entrance, as he does not have anything he's willing to part with.

>Head downstairs and begin questioning people

You head downstairs. You may have $1,600 to your name, but you're not sure the vampires accept such currency. You head to a back room, where a group of goth kids is hanging out.

>Greet goth kids gloomily

They spot the fakeness of your gloom right away, and do not respect you. They say only vampires belong down here.

>But they're not vampires they're just goth kids

They reply that they are vampires in spirit, if not in form. As you roll your eyes, Gwendolyn comes up to you with a gigantic stack of jars of blood, and asks you to hold some of them while she gets a drink. The goth kids notice that your Adventuresquad has a vampire in it, and instantly change their tune. They say that vampires are super-cool, and you must be at least kind of cool for befriending one. They'll actually answer your questions in a straightforward manner now. You take some of Gwendolyn's jars of blood from her, and she goes to the bar to get a blood cocktail whipped up. She asks if you want anything.

>Ask if they've got Mountain Dew

Gwendolyn looks over to the menu with her enhanced vampiric vision, and says they've got a Mountain Dew/blood mix.

>Hard pass

Gwendolyn shrugs and walks off. You turn your attention back to the goth kids.

>Ask them to tell everything they know about this place

They tell you the casino lair is run by Count Plaqueula, the world's best vampire dentist. Seeing how important vampires' teeth are to their ability to survive, vampire dentists are among the most revered and beloved vampires in the community.

>Ask how he gets all the blood for the bets

The goth kids pull up their sleeves to reveal needle marks, where their blood is harvested every so often in exchange for being able to hang out here. It makes sense, but the goth kids' explanation still doesn't account for just how much blood you've got in your inventory alone. As you ponder yourself up a plan, Sheriff Antony walks up to you in just his underwear and hat. He asks you for more blood for the roulette wheel.

>Supply him with as much as he needs to win back his clothes for the love of god

Sheriff Antony promises he won't let you down, and runs off with a few jars of blood. The goth kids ask you about your adventuresquad and what your class spread is.

>Tell them that everyone graduated from high school years ago

The goth kids shake their heads and hand you a class guide book. Apparently, if an adventuresquad member specialises into a specific class, their abilities are enhanced. All four members of your adventuresquad are currently 'freelancers', which provides no boosts. You can also add a secondary class later.

>Give everyone classes

Since everyone else is distracted, you return to Rocksworth and the two of you pore over the class guide, selecting the best class for each member. You become a Caligrapher, proficient in ragpenmanship and social stats. Rocksworth decides to become a Marauder, giving him proficiency in blunt weapons such as hammers, clubs, and anchors, and increasing his strength and defense stats. You make Sheriff Antony a Gunslinger, proficient in gun weapons, and increasing his social stats and vision range. Gwendolyn has a hidden class available to her simply called Vampire, which increases a variety of stats, but doesn't give any weapon boosts.
After getting that distraction out of the way, it's time to return to your adventure.

>Scan the room

You see mostly gamblers and tables, and a bar. You also see a vent right above your head.

>Ask Rocksworth for a boost

Rocksworth lifts you to the vent.

>Pull off vent cover and crawl inside

You pull off the vent cover, but you are much too large to fit inside the vent, due to your pudgy frame. You peer through the vent and see some kind of machine churning away. It seems important, but you've always associated churning with an increased importance, so you're not sure that you are the best candidate to judge such a thing.

>Call over Sheriff Antony

He doesn't hear you. He is too engrossed in gambling to hear anyone but the dealer.

>Call over Gwendolyn

Having just finished her drink, Gwendolyn was just about to find you to get back her blood jars. She walks on over to you and Rocksworth, and asks what you're doing.

>Ask her to take a look at the machinery

Gwendolyn hops onto Rocksworth's other shoulder and looks through the vent with you. She says she can smell a strong scent of blood coming from the machine, and begins to attempt to crawl through, but her ample bosom gets in the way. Of your adventuresquad members, only Sheriff Antony's svelte frame can fit through this vent. Your affinity for cake and Mountain Dew is once again your undoing.
You are still incognito, and no one is paying much attention to you.

>Return outside and rummage through the horse's saddlebags

You return outside and find various books and notes, outdated weaponry and clothing, and the +1 cloak of -1 everything.

>Equip +1 cloak of -1 everything to get -1 pudginess

You equip the cloak, which reduces your pudginess slightly. It also reduces everything else slightly, so you'll have to tread carefully. Which will be difficult, due to the cloak giving you -1 to treading.

>Attempt to squeeze into the vent

You re-enter the casino. Gwendolyn has gone off to gamble some more. You climb back onto Rocksworth's shoulder, and narrowly squeeze into the vent. You make a lot of noise doing this due to the cloak also giving you -1 subtlety.

>Examine machine

The machine is made of metal, and it has gears. It appears to be churning. You can't tell much more than that due to the cloak giving you -1 perception and -1 vision.

>Exit vent and take off the cloak

You fall out of the vent flat on your face, due to the cloak giving you -1 landing. You are unhurt, however, due to the cloak giving you -1 injury succeptibility. How lucky. You remove the cloak with some difficulty due to the -1 disrobing skill, and your skills are then returned to normal.

>Examine machine

The machine is made of metal, and it has gears. It is definitely churning, and there's a strange smell coming from it. Bottles of blood are being carried away from the machine by a conveyor belt. At the top of the machine, you can see two metal arms grabbing human bodies from a pile and cracking them open to drain the blood, then throwing them into an incinerator. The bodies appear to already be dead.

>Wretch a little

You throw up in your mouth a bit. It's unpleasant.

>Attempt to purge the machine using a cross

You hold the holy cross up to the machine, and it bursts into a holy flame. Soon, the flame dies down and nothing is left but ash and a pile of corpses.
However, the vampire in charge of handling the new bottles of blood has noticed that they've stopped coming. He assumes that the machine just needs a good smack, so he calmly walks toward the door to the room you're in.

>Hide next to the door and ambush him with a rope made of rags to tie him up

You hide next to the door as the vampire enters the room. He stares at the scorched floor with his mouth agape, and you take this opportunity to strike. You tie up his arms, legs, and especially mouth with rags, rendering him immobile.

>Taunt him a bit with the cross

You pull out your holy cross and toss it around a bit. You pretend to drop it on him, but catch it at the last second. He is scared for his death.

>Question him then remove the gag

You ask the vampire about their numbers, their goals, and where their boss hangs out. He tells you that there are only nine employees (the boss, himself, the bartender, five dealers, and the doorman), meaning there are eight employees left, including the one you're interrogating. There are dozens of customers as well. Their goal is just to drink a lot of blood and have a good time. The boss hangs out in his office, drinking blood martinis with attractive vampire ladies.

>Thank the vampire for his cooperation, and drop the cross on him

You thank the vampire for his help, and wave goodbye as you drop the cross on the floor next to him and begin to walk away. When you don't hear the sound of a vampire being immolated, you turn around and realise your mistake. Embarrassed, you pick the cross back up and press it into the vampire's face, burning him dead. You leave the room, hoping no one saw that.

>Head to the boss's office

You walk over to the room with the word "BOSS" on the door. It appears to be unlocked.

>Kick open the door and soak whoever is inside with the holy water

You uncap the two jugs of holy water, grab one in each hand, and kick open the door to the boss's room. As soon as you no longer see the door in front of you, you whip your arms forward, soaking everything immediately in front of you with holy water. Unluckily for you, the boss and his lady friends were in the hot tub on the left side of the room, and did not get any holy water on them.

>Huck the sack of garlic into the hot tub

The garlic cloves were not peeled within the sack, and were unable to permeate the water in time. The boss and his ladies leave the hot tub and look at you angrily.

>Charge at the boss vampire with the cross

You pull out your cross and begin to charge. The boss pulls out a handgun and shoots the cross, destroying it and its holy powers.

>Quickly fashion a new cross out of rags

You pull out a bunch of rags without noticing that the boss has a gun trained on you. Perception was never one of your best stats. As you fiddle and tweak the rags into position, the boss fires his gun at you. Luckily, he is a poor shot, so his shot misses you completely. Your cross of rags is almost finished when the boss marches up to you and sinks his fangs into your neck.
Thankfully, you'd drunk the holy milk earlier. The boss is burned with holy light as soon as the blessed blood enters his mouth. The girls he'd been courting look at you in terror, and back off into the hot tub. Unfortunately for them, the garlic has now had time to permeate the water, and their legs begin to melt, followed shortly by the rest of them.

>Exit the back area and return to the casino floor

You emerge onto the casino floor again. The dealers are beginning to run out of blood, because Sheriff Antony and Gwendolyn have been on a gigantic lucky streak. A dealer begins toward the back hall, fresh out of blood.

>Urge Sheriff Antony and Gwendolyn to get going

They brush you off, both telling you about how lucky they've been. Sheriff Antony didn't just win HIS clothes back; he won everyone else's clothes at the table as well. You eyeball the room, and see about fifty vampires on the floor, not counting Gwendolyn.
Out of the corner of your eye, you can see the dealer as he notices that the boss's door is wide open. He walks inside and steps on the floor where it's wet with holy water, and begins to combust. Since all the doors are open, everyone hears it this time, and turns to see the dealer burning alive. In a panic, all the vampires run outside, but, having lost track of time, they run straight into the daylight and turn to dust. The contract is technically completed now.

>Head outside

You begin to head out. Gwendolyn says she'll hang out here until nightfall, then you can all hit the road. You suddenly realise what having a vampire in your Adventuresquad actually means for your ability to travel and adventure. You never liked mornings anyway.

>Return to the tavern

You return to the tavern, arms full of vampiric ash. The other adventuresquad that was here last night has left. In fact, most everyone has left, now that it's daylight.

>Turn in ash for reward money

The bartender is impressed, and hands you $1,000, as agreed. You have now completed your first ever proper adventure. Your Adventuresquad Rank increases to 2.
Since the bar's rooms are empty now, he offers to let you stay for free.

>Thank the bartender for his generosity, and ask if he knows of any other adventures around

He has, in fact, heard of a nearby wizard experimenting with pocket dimensions and warp travel who needs help with something or other. The wizard's tower is apparently through the Mystic Forest just outside of town.

>Ask about the Mystic Forest

The Mystic Forest used to be where all the vampires lived until you committed genocide. This is because the Mystic Forest is in a state of perpetual night. Unfortunately, it is also in a state of perpetual full moon, so werewolves also hang out there, and you haven't yet genocided those.

>Thank the man for the information and head to the shop

You head back to the shop, and the shopkeeper greets you with genuine enthusiasm. Because you defeated the vampires, he's gotten new stock in. Instantly. This makes perfect sense to you.

>Browse his wares

The shopkeeper has finally gotten in his long-awaited shipment of beehives. His shelves are full of nothing but beehives. You can hear nothing inside the shop but the buzzing of bees.

>Slowly exit the store and never return

This guy is fucking insane, you think to yourself as you make your escape.

>Return to inn and sleep until nightfall

You do just that. The inn is now busy as a beehive. Speaking of beehives, upon every table rests a beehive, bought from the local shop. You've never been fond of bees.

>Exit inn through the window to avoid beehives

You climb through your window, and Sheriff Antony does the same. Rocksworth exits through the front door, as his rocky hide cannot be penetrated by beestings.

>Return to casino and pick up Gwendolyn, informing her of the new adventure

You return to the casino, where Gwendolyn waits at the entrance. She was a little worried you'd leave her there. You tell her all about the adventure you'd heard about from the bartender. Her eyes light up, since this adventure is unaffected by her vampiric sun allergy. She thanks you for considering her medical conditions when selecting an adventure, and asks you if you have any allergies that she would need to consider.

>Tell her all about it

You inform the entire adventuresquad about your deathly allergy to swans. Where, upon contact with a swan, you will expand and expand until either the swan is gone, or you explode. No one knows what to say to that.

>Get everyone moving forward and onward to adventure

You rouse the troops, and lead everyone to the edge of the Mystic Forest, where your next adventure surely awaits.
END OF ACT 5







ACT V STATS:
Adventuresquad Rank: 2
Members:
Jakey the human caligrapher
Sheriff Antony the human gunslinger
Rocksworth the rock guy marauder
Gwendolyn the vampire vampire

Current adventure:
N/A (but apparently there's an adventure to be had in the wizard's tower at the other end of the Mystic Forest)

Jakey's inventory:
⦁ RagSocks and Sandals
⦁ Selsig 1996 Potato Festival t-shirt
⦁ Bomber Jacket
⦁ Nice Khakis
⦁ Cufflinks
⦁ Upgraded Silver Ragpens (x2)
⦁
⦁ $2,600
⦁ +1 cloak of -1 everything
⦁ Rags (infinite)
⦁ Flashlight (no batteries)
⦁ Lockpicks
⦁ Dry handkerchief
⦁ False moustache (Hans disguise)
⦁ A Guide to Guys (an encyclopedia on various Guys)
⦁ Adventure Pet Papers - Scraps
⦁ Adventure Contract - Vampires in Selsig ($1,000 reward)
Jakey's abilities and equipment modifiers:
⦁ Class - Caligrapher (+30 damage with ragpen-type weapons; +15 Charisma, +15 Gumption)
⦁ Dual Wielding - Ragpens (allows two ragpens to be wielded at once)
⦁ Weapons Training - Ragpenmanship (+15 damage with ragpen-type weapons)
⦁ Adventure Pet - Scraps (binds Scraps to Jakey)
⦁ Expert - Rope Bridges (allows rope bridges to be inspected for safety before crossing)
⦁ Proficient - Aimless Wandering (increases aimlessness of wandering)
⦁ Basic French (+5 Charisma when dealing with French people)
⦁ Basic Lockpicking (allows picking of basic locks with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Remedial Bomb Arming (allows arming of remedial bombs with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Deathly Allergy - Swans (will expand upon contact with swan until either swan is removed, or you explode)
⦁ Disguise - Hans (can disguise self as Hans with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Amnesia (disables memory before a certain point)
⦁ Enemy of the Rat People (-1,000 reputation with rat people)
⦁ Whitened Teeth (+50 Dental Hygiene, +5 Charisma)
⦁ Good Karma (+50 reputation with "good" characters; -50 reputation with "evil" characters)
⦁ Canadian (+5 Charisma, +50 Cold Resistance, +50 Weakness to Heat, +25 Agility in snow)
⦁ Pudgy (cannot fit through certain spaces)
⦁
⦁ Nice Khakis (+5 Charisma, +10 Exuberance)
⦁ Bomber Jacket (+5 Charisma, +10 Defense)
⦁ HIGH FASHION (+15 Charisma, +15 Style, allows entry to fancy parties and fashion shows)
⦁ Holy Milk (being bitten by a vampire kills the vampire and does no damage to self)



Sheriff Antony's inventory:
⦁ Sheriff costume
⦁ Silver revolvers (x2)
⦁
⦁ Adventure Pet Papers - Sheriff Antony's horse
⦁ Hip flask (empty)
⦁ Wooden cross
⦁ Saltwater taffy
⦁ Vampire costume (x13)
⦁ Puppy bed
Sheriff Antony's abilities and equipment modifiers:
⦁ Class - Gunslinger (+30 damage with gun-type weapons; +10 Charisma, +10 Gumption, +10 Vision)
⦁ Dual Wielding - Revolvers (allows two revolvers to be wielded at once)
⦁ Weapons Training - Revolvers (+15 damage with revolver-type weapons)
⦁ Adventure Pet - Sheriff Antony's Horse (binds Sheriff Antony's horse to Sheriff Antony)
⦁ Animal Training - Horse (allows horses to be ridden)
⦁ Sheriff Antony's Horse - Saddlebags (allows for storage of excess items) [INACTIVE]
⦁ Appraisal - Rocks (allows accurate appraisal of rocks)
⦁ Basic Lockpicking (allows picking of basic locks with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Remedial Bomb Arming (allows arming of remedial bombs with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Enemy of the Rat People (-1,000 reputation with rat people)
⦁ British (+25 Charisma, -20 Dental Hygiene, +25 Agility in rain)
⦁ Svelte (can fit through certain spaces)
⦁
⦁ Police Uniform (+5 Style, allows entry to restricted areas)



Rocksworth's inventory:
⦁ Tuxedo
⦁ Pompadour wig
⦁ Cloak of -2 Sadness
⦁ Rockington's rock hammer
⦁
⦁ Wooden cross
Rocksworth's abilities and equipment modifiers:
⦁ Class - Marauder (+30 damage with blunt weapons; +20 Strength, +10 Defense)
⦁ Weapons Training - Rock Hammers (+15 damage with rock hammer-type weapons)
⦁ Weapons Training - Anchors (+15 damage with anchor-type weapons)
⦁ Made of Rock or Maybe Some Cleverly-Disguised Wood (+50 Strength, +50 Defense, immunity to disease and poison)
⦁ Basic Lockpicking (allows picking of basic locks with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Remedial Bomb Arming (allows arming of remedial bombs with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Neutral Karma (able to communicate with characters regardless of alignment)
⦁ Distrustful Toward Women (unable to take anything female characters say at face value)
⦁ Rock Guy (+50 Charisma when dealing with Rock Guys, -50 Charisma when dealing with other Guys)
⦁ Hulking (cannot fit through the majority of spaces)
⦁
⦁ In Memoriam (+20 damage when using Rockington's hammer)
⦁ Formal Attire (+10 Style, allows entry to fancy parties)
⦁ -2 Sadness (-2 Sadness)



Gwendolyn's inventory:
⦁ Fangs (bound)
⦁ White frilly shirt
⦁ Skirt
⦁ Socks and sandals
⦁
⦁ Half-empty jar of blood
⦁ Jar of blood (x750)
Gwendolyn's abilities and equipment modifiers:
⦁ Class - Vampire (+10 Charisma, +10 Gumption, +10 Strength, +10 Health, +10 Dexterity, +10 Agility)
⦁ Weapons Training - Fangs (+15 damage with fang-type weapons)
⦁ Vampirism (+50 to all stats at night; -50 to all stats during the day; Fangs (bound); fatal weakness to sunlight, holy water, garlic, religious symbols, churches, Christian Rock, light magic)
⦁ Bloodlust (must drink blood to survive)
⦁ Basic Lockpicking (allows picking of basic locks with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Remedial Bomb Arming (allows arming of remedial bombs with a 100% success rate)
⦁ Neutral Karma (able to communicate with characters regardless of alignment)
⦁ Distrustful Toward Vampires (unable to take anything vampires say at face value)
⦁ Vampire (+50 Charisma when dealing with other vampires, -50 Charisma when dealing with ghosts or mummies)
⦁ Ample Bust (+50 Charisma, can no longer fit through certain spaces)




In the saddlebags:
⦁ Ordinary Ragpens (x2)
⦁ RagShirt
⦁ RagPants
⦁ Revolvers (x2)
⦁ Beginner's Guide to Lockpicking
⦁ An Idiot's Guide to Arming Bombs
⦁ Bottom bunk note
⦁ Top bunk note