A Thing Gaiden 12: Sara (2017)

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"you can't be serious" "listen natalie i have been waiting for this opportunity for twenty years; i tried to do it many moons ago but i was caught and disallowed from entering the country for well over a decade" "so, president trump pardons you of your crime, and your first act afterward is to do it again" "yes, because this is something i HAVE to do; i made a promise" "why can't you just have grace do it; she's trained for infiltration and whatnot" "that's a fucking cop-out; i've got to do this myself" "well i'll try to spin a believable storyline for when this all goes south" Natalie sighs and sits down at her desk, scribbling excuses and lies onto a piece of paper. Jakey heads out of the office and hops into The Motherfucker, headed off to his destiny.

CHAPTOUR TWO:
"all right here they are; all the armed guards and other such obstacles" Jakey looks through his binoculars at the guards below. "yo jakey what's up" "GAH" Jakey falls straight over in shock and surprise at Grace's sudden appearance, suffering from a heart attack that may have killed him if not for The Diamonds. "what are you doing here!!!" "uh natalie told me you needed help and-" "grace this is a solo mission" "she also told me you failed this same mission over a decade ago" "what a fucking blabbermouth" "so uh what's the mission" "sigh; it all started twenty years ago when i was just a child of seven living in canada and such; i had a dear friend who was cruelly taken from me to america against her will; i tried to rescue her but i failed and was banned from american soil for years and years but now is my chance!!!" "you just want to touch her boobs don't you" "grace like 95% of my adventures are undertaken so i can touch or at least look at some boobs; OF COURSE THIS IS ABOUT BOOBS" "so why all the armed guards" "well in order to make sure she could never see me again, sara's mother got her added to the national terrorist registry by lying to the immigration people" "who would do that to their child" "now it's up to me to whisk her away back to canada so she can live a normal canadian life; probably working in a maple syrup factory or something" "the canadian dream"

CHAPTOUR THREE:
"all right grace; cover me" "got it" Grace sets up her sniper rifle on top of the building across the street from the target's location. Jakey begins to spin around in place, counter-clockwise until he generates enough lift to fly straight into Sara's house, breaking a window. "OH NO WE'RE UNDER ATTACK" Sara dives behind her couch, praying that it's not terrorists trying to get her to join the cause again. "hey wait no sara it's me" "JAKEY?!" Sara leaps out from behind the couch and tackles Jakey, so glad to see him for the first time in over a decade. "i thought you'd forgotten about me!!!" "i could never forget you (or your boobs); i was just waiting for all the pieces to fall where they needed to for this rescue" "oh thank you thank you thank you" "don't thank me yet; we've still got to get out" "i hope you've got a better plan this time" "it would have worked LAST time if you hadn't been so ticklish" "i don't think that wrapping me in a burlap sack and dropping me two stories into the basket of a ticycle was a very good plan to begin with" "ANYWAY, let's just get going; hold on tight" Sara wraps her arms around Jakey as he begins to spin once again, getting up to speed and flying back out to the rooftop where Grace is waiting. "i got them all jakey" "wha-" Jakey looks over the edge of the rooftop to see all the armed guards lying dead. "why did-" "you said to cover you; that usually means take out all the bad guys" "okay sorry my bad" Jakey motions for everyone to hop into The Motherfucker, and they fly back to Canada, where Michelle is waiting. "you're free now sara; free to live the life that was cruelly taken from you" "you're free now too jakey!!! free to take me home"
THE END