A Thing Gaiden 7: Blakey (2016)

CHAPTOUR ONE:
"blakey you need to stop getting kidnapped and put onto a boat dude" "FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT" "i can see that this will go nowhere; just take these" Sheriff Antoinette hands Blakey a bag. "oh boy i've always wanted my own mystic gemstones" "these are the rhinestones; the most precious gems in all chicago (by default)" "i will put them to good use and shit" "i can hardly wait" Blakey downs the bag of rhinestones in one gulp, and feels the mystic power coursing through him. "ahahahah HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA"

CHAPTOUR TWO:
Blakey approaches the throne of King Stan as the king clicks in the clicky bit of his favourite pen over and over. "yo dog you got any heroic challenges for a gemstone-packing guy like me" "oh yes; the most dangerous task awaits only the most gemstone-packing hero; take my maid, annalynn, and go to the store and pick me up some milk" "CAN DO" Blakey hops onto his tricycle, Annalynn hops into the sidecar, and they head off for Milkz ᗺ Us.

CHAPTOUR THREE:
Tyler sits behind the counter, chewing tobacco. "i'd like some milk please" "oh here you go" Tyler hands Blakey and Annalynn each two gallons of milk, and the two head out for the tricycle, when they are confronted by a masked robber pointing a gun at them. "Give Me The Milk And No One Gets Hurt" "YES WHATEVER YOU SAY MISTER ROBBER SIR" Annalynn hands the man her two gallons and raises her arms to the sky. "You Too Kid" "over my dead body" "Okay" The robber fires a bullet straight between the eyes of Blakey, causing him to fall to the ground, dead. The robber grabs the two gallons of milk and hightails it. Annalynn yells for help, but no one is able to revive Blakey. Blakey's twin sister Giselle shows up and sees her only brother lying dead in the street. "NOOOOOOO" Giselle falls to her knees and cries over Blakey's corpse. "oh-oh no" Sheriff Antoinette sees the scene and removes her hat. "i should have warned him; the rhinestones only had the power to heal minor scrapes and cuts; this is all my fault" The body is soon moved and buried, with a sad funeral for one who has died so young. Giselle, lost and alone with no one to take her home, dies sad and afraid on the streets of Chicago. King Stan dies of osteoporosis due to a lack of vitamin D and calcium. Annalynn is forced to become a cashier at a grocery store with no lord to serve, until the secrets of cloning are discovered by Chicagoans a day later, and Blakey, Giselle, and King Stan are all replaced with clones.
THE END