ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S 100 GREATEST THINGS

This week, Entertainment Weekly released their list of the 100 greatest FILMS, TELEVISION SHOWS, ALBUMS, AND NOVELS
Since I don't really give a shit about NOVELS, I will be criticising their shit for the other three. I'll post the TOP TEN, then every other one I've experienced after that.

FILMS:
There are A BUNCH of films I know the gist of (Citizen Kane, The Godfather, King Kong, 2001, etc.), but haven't seen.
01: Citizen Kane
02: The Godfather
03: Casablanca
04: Bonnie and Clyde
05: Psycho
06: It's a Wonderful Life
It's a Wonderful Life was okay. I can't judge it very well because I saw things that ripped it off before I saw the actual film. It's kind of a slow starter, but it's a very nice movie regardless. It's on every Hanukkah, so.

07: Mean Streets
08: The Gold Rush
09: Nashville
10: Gone with the Wind

19: Pulp Fiction
I plan to see this someday, so WATCH THIS SPACE

22: Toy Story
THE SINGLE GREATEST FILM IN HISTORY
ALL OF MY NOSTALGIA
I REFUSE TO CALL ANY FILM BETTER THAN IT

28: The Wizard of Oz
It's been many, many years, but I remember one thing I love about this movie. When Dorothy is in Kansas, the film is in black and white. When she gets to Oz, it's in full colour. This touch makes the movie for me, even if I can't remember a single other thing about it.

43: The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Let's be serious, here. Return of the King was the worst of the trilogy. That isn't to say it was unsatisfying, though. It was a great movie, but was the worst.
The Fellowship of the Ring was the best one. It felt more like a new adventure. The places were all new and mysterious; even the two elven cities felt completely different. The balrog remains the most impressive part of the trilogy. Plus, Gandalf was so much cooler when he was grey.
The Two Towers takes second place wholly because of the Battle of Helms Deep. It's the most impressive battle scene in the trilogy, and felt right.

51: A Hard Day's Night
Great choice here. A Hard Day's Night is objectively the best of The Beatles' films. The humour is spot-on, from John convincing a fan that he looks nothing like himself to Paul asking a passenger about the whereabouts of his ball.
The only flaw is the lack of closure on the ball issue.

53: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
I agree with this being the best in the saga. Hoth, Dagobah, and Cloud City all feel completely different and unique, and it never lingers in one place for too long. If I had to honestly rate all six movies, I'd say V > IV > VI > III > II > I. I'm not very unique here.
I will say, though, in defense of the prequels, they had some pretty cool moments. I loved the podrace in I, and the Coruscant chase and Geonosis arena in II were cool. III had a lot of stupid moments, but it was still okay. If you could take the good moments from the prequels and surround them with writing that ISN'T terrible, you'd have a great trilogy. OH WAIT YOU'D BE REPLACING 95% OF IT

88: The Dark Knight
I can't decide if I prefer this or Batman Begins. I will say that I prefer Katie Holmes over her replacement, though.
Despite Bale's Batman voice being way too over-the-top and silly, The Dark Knight is an outstanding film. I can't really say anything bad about it. I just sort of wish I hadn't known who Harvey Dent was before watching it so I could have been surprised about him becoming Twoface.


TELEVISION:
My television-watching is suspect.
01: The Wire
02: The Simpsons
I've been rewatching The Simpsons lately. Without a doubt, it is the best series I've ever seen if you ignore the last 10+ seasons
Lately, I've noticed how well-written the characters are before the SEASONS THAT DON'T EXIST. Mr. Burns is, without a doubt, the best character, but Homer, Bart, Marge, Moe, Apu, Skinner, Milhouse, Sideshow Bob, and any character voiced by Phil Hartman are all brilliant.
I've actually grown to appreciate Marge's character. She's very consistent and human. She's not perfect, and is often wrong. Lisa, however, is all over the map. She's condescending about violence one minute, then laughing at a cartoon mouse disemboweling a cartoon cat.
Overall, though, the series has many amazing moments and characters, and is DEFINITELY WORTH THE REWATCHING I AM GIVING IT

03: Seinfeld
04: The Mary Tyler Moore Show
05: The Sopranos
06: All in the Family
07: The Andy Griffith Show
08: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
THIS IS MY MOTHER'S FAVOURITE SHOW
It is very campy, and I'm not sure I like it. I may be jaded, though.

09: Mad Men
10: Your Show of Shows

21: Friends
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU
WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO FALL
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU
IF YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO

27: Monty Python's Flying Circus
Okay, so I've only seen scattered sketches, but goddamn this shit is great. Why are the British the best at everything?

49: The Muppet Show
WHEN I WAS A CHILD THIS WAS GREAT
SHAME IT'S NOT SESAME STREET

53: American Idol
Last season of American Idol was shit. There were no good contestants, but only because the judges actively sabotaged the males.
But, yeah, David Cook, what a guy.

65: Doctor Who
It's okay. There's certainly worse.

87: South Park
To be absolutely fair, South Park is currently better than The Simpsons. But, of course, this statement means nothing.
South Park is a good show, but I definitely prefer The Simpsons. Maybe I haven't given it enough time, though.


MUSIC:
OH BOY HERE WE GO
01: The Beatles/"Revolver"
Fuck you. HEY GUYS LET'S MAKE THEIR WORST ALBUM THE BEST ALBUM EVER
Revolver has some great tracks, sure. Got to Get You Into My Life, For No One, I'm Only Sleeping, And Your Bird Can Sing, yeah, okay. But fuck you if you think shit like Tomorrow Never Knows and Love You To are worth anything.

02: Prince/"Purple Rain"
ABSOLUTE SHIT

03: The Rolling Stones/"Exile on Main Street"
OVERBLOWN AND NOT VERY GOOD AT ALL

04: Michael Jackson/"Thriller"
ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD
BUT HUMAN NATURE IS AN IRREDEEMABLE PIECE OF SHIT

05: The Clash/"London Calling"
HORRIBLE

06: Bob Dylan/"Blood on the Tracks"
JUST OKAY

07: Aretha Franklin/"Lady Soul"
08: Kanye West/"My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy"
HA
NICE JOKE

09: The Beach Boys/"Pet Sounds"
10: Nirvana/"Nevermind"
IN UTERO IS BETTER
BUT OKAY
I'LL ACCEPT IT

12: The Beatles/"The White Album"
MORE LIKE THEIR BEST ALBUM

13: Marvin Gaye/"What's Going On"
PRETENTIOUS SHIT

14: Johnny Cash/"At Folsom Prison"
JUST OKAY

15: Bruce Springsteen/"Born to Run"
REALLY GOOD ACTUALLY

20: The Rolling Stones/"Beggar's Banquet"
THE BEST OF THEIR ALBUMS
FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK DIFFERENTLY

22: The Beatles/"Abbey Road"
BETTER THAN REVOLVER IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY

23: U2/"Achtung Baby"
LIKE I REMEMBER IT
U2'S ALBUMS ALL SOUND LIKE

26: The Jimi Hendrix Experience/"Are You Experienced?"
... seriously? At least it's better than Electric Ladyland.
BUT AXIS: BOLD AS LOVE IS BETTER

27: Bob Dylan/"Highway 61 Revisited"
MASTERPIECE

32: Guns N' Roses/"Appetite for Destruction"
BRILLIANT

33: The Wu-Tang Clan/"Enter the Wu-Tang"
I FOUND IT BORING
BUT IT'S NOT MY GENRE

34: David Bowie/"The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars"
REALLY GOOD
BUT HUNKY DORY IS BETTER

35: The Rolling Stones/"Some Girls"
ACTUALLY ONE OF THEIR BETTER ALBUMS AS I RECALL
BUT FUCK YOU STILL

37: Pink Floyd/"The Dark Side of the Moon"
ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD
SHOULD BE HIGHER

39: The Who/"Who's Next"
BORING

40: John Lennon/"Plastic Ono Band"
SHOULD BE #1, OBJECTIVELY
OB
FUCKING
JECTIVELY
THE EMOTION LENNON PUT INTO THIS SHIT IS UNMATCHED

42: AC/DC/"Back in Black"
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT

45: Radiohead/"OK Computer"
OVERRATED
OUTCLASSED BY IN RAINBOWS, KID A, THE BENDS, ETC.

46: The Beatles/"Rubber Soul"
Often referred to as 'Revolver pt. 1', Rubber Soul is INFINITELY SUPERIOR YOU STUPID FUCKS

47: The Cure/"Disintegration"
ONE OF THE WORST THINGS I HAVE HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

50: The Smiths/"The Queen is Dead"
BRILLIANT
MASTERPIECE
ETC.
I REALLY LIKED IT

54: R.E.M./"Life's Rich Pageant"
REALLY GOOD ONE OF THEIR BEST

59: Metallica/"Master of Puppets"
PRETTY GOOD

62: The Replacements/"Let it Be"
AMAZING REALLY

63: Television/"Marquee Moon"
DID I ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THIS
OR AM I JUST IMAGINING IT
I DON'T REMEMBER

64: Nine Inch Nails/"The Downward Spiral"
PRETTY OKAY BUT NOWHERE NEAR THE TOP 100

65: Love/"Forever Changes"
I REMEMBER LISTENING TO THIS
AND... LIKING IT?
I EITHER LIKED IT OR I HATED IT
I CAN'T REMEMBER

68: Public Enemy/"It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back"
BORING

69: Sonic Youth/"Daydream Nation"
UGHHHHHH
SO BORING
OR DID I LIKE IT
I CAN'T REMEMBER

70: The Stooges/"Raw Power"
THEIR ONLY GOOD ALBUM
IT'S REALLY GOOD THOUGH

71: The Kinks/"The Village Green Preservation Society"
PRETTY GOOD
LIKE EVERYTHING THEY DID

75: Elvis Costello/"My Aim is True"
GREAT
REALLY GREAT
SHAME THE NEXT TWO ARE SHIT

77: My Bloody Valentine/"Loveless"
JUST OKAY
NOTHING SPECIAL

79: Led Zeppelin/"Old Man Carrying a Bundle of Sticks"
REALLY GREAT BUT II IS THEIR BEST

80: Elton John/"Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road"
DID I LISTEN TO THIS ONE
IF I DID I LIKED IT
BUT BENNIE AND THE JETS FUCKING SUCKS

81: Pixies/"Doolittle"
JUST OKAY

82: Pavement/"Slanted and Enchanted"
GENERIC-SOUNDING AND KIND OF BORING

89: Sleater-Kinney/"Dig Me Out"
Honestly, this is the single worst thing I have EVER listened to. If anyone thinks it's good, they are LEGITIMATELY retarded. Fuck you.

90: The White Stripes/"White Blood Cells"
AMAZING
TOP TEN FOR ME

91: Sly and the Family Stone/"There's a Riot Goin' On"
ABSOLUTE SHIT

98: Queens of the Stone Age/"Songs for the Deaf"
JUST OKAY
NO ONE KNOWS AND MOSQUITO SONG ARE THE ONLY SONGS TO WRITE HOME ABOUT

100: Ramones/"Ramones"
EVERY SONG
SOUNDS THE SAME
IT'S SOOOOOOOOOO BORING

after endless research, list viewings, and review readings

i have finally figured out why revolver is such a big deal

basically, the beatles were the ones who said if things were allowed to happen or not

moms and dads in the 60s didn't mind the beatles, but hated the hippies

there were all these druggy groups out there just waiting to make it big and be cool n stuf

so when revolver came out in 1966 and Tomorrow Never Knows told everyone "it's okay to make psychedelic music"

everyone jumped at it and it's probably the main reason the hippies are a thing

so everyone loves revolver because of its influence, not because it's necessarily a good album

still, these lists should be based on actual quality (musicality, lyrics maybe, interesting compositions, skill, whatever)

if influence is a thing people are concerned with, recordings of orchestras playing classical pieces should be more widely considered top albums

basically i agree with you that revolver ain't that great

and looking over that brief list you included, it seems they're mostly listed based on influence and not really on whatever criteria people think make good albums

because it's so subjective it hurts and everyone should have their own list rather than a collaboration by a bunch of magazine heads

but SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND didn't even make the list

seriously
what