¡Amigos!

EPYSODE ONE:
"jakey i'm home" Kathy hangs her coat up on the rack. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" "... a-at work?" "YOU SPEND FAR TOO MUCH TIME AT THIS 'WORK' YOU SHOULD STAY HOME AND HELP RAISE YOUR CHILDREN" "... b-but if i don't work we won't have any money" "THERE YOU GO AGAIN; SOMETIMES I THINK YOU LOVE MONEY MORE THAN ME" "b-but" "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT I AM GOING OUT" Jakey grabs his coat and slams the door behind him. "welp i guess it's just you guys and me fraibel/julia" "goo goo ga goo" "you crack me up, fraibel"
"she said WHAT" "I KNOW" "the fucking NERVE of that bitch" "Hello Guys Sorry I Am Late" Robert Truckdriver 17 sits down next to Eif. "why do you have the baby with you" "We Have Been Blacklisted By Every Babysitter In The Tricounty Area" Robert Truckdriver 83 squirms in his stroller. "Goo Goo Ga Goo" "you said it, robert truckdriver" "robert truckdriver kathy totally has been working again" "What Is That Bitch's Problem" "i know right!!!" "I Say You Should Stick It To Her And Not Go Home" "but where will i stay" "You Can Stay At My House" "aw yeah jakey and robert truckdriver tearing up the town" "I Am Up For It As Long As We Get To Bed Before Nine" "oh naturally" Jakey and Robert Truckdriver 17 fistbump.

EPYSODE TWO:
"Amiee :3 We Are Home" "oh cool" Amiee :3 heads down the stairs. "oh hi jakey" "hey can i stay here for a few days maybe a month or two" "why" "kathy was being an absolute cunt and" Jakey shudders. "going to work" Amiee :3 recoils in horror. "SHE IS RISKING THE WELFARE OF YOUR BABIES" Amiee :3 looks around. "hey where are your babies" "..." "..." "... fuck" "LET'S GO GET THEM" "WORD" Jakey and Amiee :3 hop into the car and drive down to Jakey's house. "come on we've got to do this" "b-but" "LET'S GO" Amiee :3 pushes Jakey to the front steps and knocks on the door. "hello" "hello" Amiee :3 shoves Kathy to the side and grabs Fraibel. Jakey smiles nervously and heads inside to grab Julia. "what the fuck jakey" "YOU ARE UNFIT TO BE A MOTHER" Kathy gasps loudly, a single tear streaming down her cheek. "I AM TOO A FIT MOTHER YOU FUCKING CUNT" "fuck off kathy" "no" "fuck" Amiee :3 and Jakey strap Fraibel and Julia into carseats and speed off. "fuck"

EPYSODE THREE:
"man i am so ready for this shit" Jakey drops his sleeping bag on the floor. "we are going to party like motherfuckers tonight" "No Jakey We Will Not Party Like Motherfuckers" "what" "We Will Be Responsible Adults And Go To Bed At Nine" "it's 6:30" "Oh Boy The News Is On" Robert Truckdriver 17 turns on the TV. "the what" "Motherfucker News Is My Favourite Show" "oh fuck motherfucker news is on" Amiee :3 sits on the couch next to Robert Truckdriver 17. "what is motherfucker news" "it tells you all the goings on of the day" "Like Yesterday When An Oil Tanker Crashed Into An Iceberg Causing Millions Of Gallons Of Crude Oil To Spill All Over Penguins And Baby Seals" "Goo Goo Ga Goo" "you said it, robert truckdriver" "but can't we watch spongebob" "..." "..." "SPONGEBOB IS NOT APPROPRATE FOR CHILDREN" "what" "IT PROMOTES VIOLENCE AND COPIOUS CONSUMPTION OF FAST FOOD" "but it's made for children" "Probably By Paedophiles And Degenerates" "we would NEVER let robert truckdriver 83 watch that" "Nor Would We Let Him Near Children Who Have" "but fraibel and julia h-" "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE JAKEY AND NEVER COME BACK" "I Thought You Were Cool Jakey" A single tear streams down Robert Truckdriver 17's cheek. "I Guess I Was Wrong" Jakey grabs Fraibel and Julia and heads outside while Robert Truckdriver 17 takes Jakey's picture off of the friends wall, a second single tear slowly working its way down his cheek. Amiee :3 slams the door on him. "fuck"

EPYSODE FOUR:
"hey eif can we stay with you for a while" "what about robert truckdriver 17" "he kicked me out because i let my children watch spongebob" "... you're not supposed to do that?!" "i guess not" "well, shit" "don't let him know or he will take you off of the friends wall" "wait you don't mean" "yeah" A single tear streams down Jakey's cheek. "he did" Eif motions for Jakey to come in, and takes Fraibel and Julia, setting them in the playpen with Kenneth Lewis. "well you're welcome to sleep here i guess but i must warn you the neighbour is UNBEARABLE" A knock is heard at the door. "OH FUCK" Eif hides behind the couch. "come on he can't be that bad" Jakey heads for the door. "NO DON'T" "why not" "he is an absolute CUNT" "he can't be more of a cunt than president romney" "well no but-" Jakey opens the door. "HIDELY-HO STRANGERINO" "um hi" "my name is brucie i saw someone come to this door here and thought i'd come to meet the friend of my neighbourino" Brucie looks around. "where is that man anyway" "um" Jakey's pocket vibrates. "can i have a second" "sure-diddly-ure" Jakey grabs his phone and notices a text message from Eif reading 'do not tell him that i am behind the couch'. "sorry about that it was just eif telling me not to tell you he's behind the couch" Jakey smacks his face with his hand. "fuck" "now i don't know where you're from but in this neighbourhood we don't use that kind of language strangerino" "sorry i meant 'sofa'" Eif stands up. "please get out of my house" "you mean the lord's house, neighbourino" "please get out of 'the lord's' house" "okily-dokily neighbourino" Brucie leaves. "you too jakey" "what why" "because i can't have you compromising my position again" "sigh" Jakey grabs Fraibel and Julia and exits the house. Eif carefully shuts the door behind him.

EPYSODE FIVE:
"hey orange can we stay with you for a while" "why" "because everyone else hates me or something" "oh i'm sorry" "it's not your fau-oh wait yes it is" Orange opens the door, and Jakey deposits his children into the bin. "so what's on the agenda for tonight" "we are going to cause natural disasters" Orange smiles. "oh boy" "and don't worry about feeling guilty because everything you do is my fault anyway" "word" Orange looks carefully at the map. "let's put a hurricane in harlemshire" "and how about a tornado in greenland" "oh boy" Orange creates two natural disasters. "also a tsunami in japan would be sweet" "word up" Orange creates a tsunami in Japan. The screech of tyres is heard, and Jakey and Orange turn around to see the door kicked in by The Police. "OH SHIT" "IT'S OVER ORANGE WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED" "hey guess what" "what" Sting points his gun at himself. "orange why" A single tear streams down Sting's cheek. "why orange" "BACK OFF OR STING GETS IT" Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland load back into the truck, and Sting follows. "go away" The Police leave. "orange what" "this happens every so often it's no big deal" "um i'd better go" "what come on we were having fun" "yeah too much fun" Jakey grabs Fraibel and Julia. "goodbye orange" Jakey leaves. "fuck"

EPYSODE SIX:
"hey svart can we stay with you for a while" "YES" Svart quickly opens his door, eager to have his first guest in years. Jakey puts his children into the playpen with Svart the Second. "come i have made a large meal" "how did you know" "i always make extra food in case any guests come over" Svart sighs. "they never do" "um cool" Jakey sweats. Svart takes a large casserole out of the oven. "this is my special recipe that has won all of the county bakeoffs" "oh boy" Svart heaps casserole onto a plate and places it in front of Jakey. Jakey eagerly digs in to the casserole. "oh fuck this is good what is in this" "oh you know; chicken, noodles, alfredo sauce, and my secret ingredient" "what is the secret ingredient" "i can't tell you" "but i thought we were friends" Svart sweats; the choice between keeping his friend or keeping his secret wearing heavily on his mind. "the secret ingredient is" Svart looks around, and whispers into Jakey's ear. "tears" "well they are delicious; you should bottle them and sell them" "that is a great idea!!!" "you'll make millions!!!" "we'll make millions" Svart puts his hand on Jakey's hand. Jakey sweats. "um cool" Svart leans in close to Jakey. "together" Svart licks his lips. "WELP GOTTA GO" Jakey sprints out of Svart's house. "wait you forgot your children" "KEEP THEM" "no i refuse" "fuck" Jakey stops. "i mean, seriously, FUCK" Jakey carefully walks inside and grabs his children, before sprinting out again. "why does this always happen"

EPYSODE SEVEN:
"hey kathy i'm sorry can we live here again" "i thought i was an unfit mother" "amiee :3 told me that but it turns out that she is the unfit mother" "i could have told you that" "come on it's wet and rainy the kids will catch a cold" Kathy opens the door and grabs Julia and Fraibel before slamming the door on Jakey. "goo goo ga goo" "... you're right fraibel" Kathy sets the children down in their playpen, and lets Jakey inside. "wow thanks" "fraibel said that we should get along because we are a family and the family unit will fall apart if we do not get along" "goo goo ga goo" "also he's hungry" "oh i'll get it" Jakey heads for the kitchen, but Kathy stops him. "no i'll do it" "it's banana day" "okay" Kathy brings in the food and a spoon. "i promise to work less if you'll go out to that bar less" "no need to worry; all my friends hate me" "that's good" "goo goo ga goo" "you said it, fraibel"
THE END