game of the year 2012

Since there are SO MANY GAMES to play, I'm going to do this differently than usual.
Right now, I will give reviews of the games I'm more or less done with from this year, and as I finish the rest, I'll post about them.
Also imagine that 8.5/10 isn't the best score you can give.
And remember that I generally don't go out of my way to play games I don't think I'll enjoy, so we have a lot of high ratings here.
Chronologically:

Katawa Shoujo:
Fuck me.
+ Fuck me.
- Fuck me.
Fuck me.

SSX:
The long-awaited sequel to 2003's amazing SSX 3. On Tour doesn't count because it was awful. SSX takes what made 3 great and throws it out the window. SSX is its own game, and everything from the aesthetics to the controls to the soundtrack reinforce this. SSX is a great game on its own merits. Everything about this game is modernised, which is probably a good thing, since it's been ten years.
+ Gameplay still fuck as fun
+ Choice of mountain during story mode
+ New mechanics presented well
+ Most new mechanics are fun and/or challenging
+ DJ Atomika is back
+ The good part of Run D.M.C.'s It's Tricky plays when you're in tricky mode
+ Competitive multiplayer record-keeping
- No actual multiplayer, online or split-screen
- No choice of character during story mode
- Store system has randomised inventory
- The ice picks fucking suck
- WAL*MART charged me an outrageous $70 for it
8.5/10

SSX DLC 01: Mt. Eddie:
Mt. Eddie is a very fun mountain. It harkens back to SSX Tricky and SSX 3 in its design, and it brings back the best character, Eddie, previously only available in Tricky (and 3 if you buy him from the store).
Unfortunately, the developers made the mistake of saying it has nine drops. This is technically true. However, each drop is just a different spot on the same mountain. You'll only end up doing two; full mountain trick and full mountain race.
7/10

Mass Effect 3:
The final game in the trilogy. The ending is bad. Horrific, even. It's like a plane crashed into what was already a trainwreck. But let's look at everything before that. The characters are still amazing, barring TIM, Kai Leng, and pretty much everyone involved in Cerberus. And Ashley, but she's dead anyway.
The plot is kind of fucked. You're trying to stop the reapers while TIM is also trying to stop the reapers but not really. And the ambassador is working for them or some shit. BUT THE REST OF THE GAME IS GREAT
+ You put an end to all of the series' conflicts
+ All your favourite characters return in theory
+ Conrad Verner saves the day for real though
+ Combat improved over the second
+ Online multiplayer is pretty sweet
+ You get to kill TIM
- James is just kind of tacked-on
- Fucking Steve
- BLUE AND ORANGE EVERYWHERE
- Cerberus makes no sense
- Kai Leng makes no sense
- The ending is fucking horrible and makes no sense
8.5/10

Mass Effect 3 DLC 01: Leviathan:
Leviathan would be fucking amazing if I hadn't seen the ending and known it doesn't fucking matter.
Either way, it's worth it to be Detective Shepard. It's really fun; don't miss it even if you hated the ending like everyone else.
And if you haven't played the game yet (all one of you), get this before you do so you can play it before it ceases to matter.
8/10

Diablo III:
BORING
who gives a shit/10

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD:
This game is an HD greatest hits album of the series. Well, the first two games anyway. It features graphic updates to classic tracks, plus a shitload of skaters, old and new.
+ The level selection is mostly good
+ The Magic Bum returns
+ Challenging
+ New Big Head Survival mode is cool
+ Hawkman returns, and this time more than five people will play it
+ Soundtrack is mostly great
- There is a song that whines about politics and has female backing vocalists
- Downhill Jam still fucking SUCKS
8.5/10

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD DLC 01: THPS3/Revert pack:
This $5 update adds new skaters, a new song, and three new levels. Plus, it brings back the revert, which can be used in all levels and modes.
+ Robert Truckdriver is a playable character
+ Los Angeles still has the earthquake
+ Airport is still super-great
+ Revert makes hard goals much easier
- Some would say too easy
- The Canada level still feels half-done
- No one will buy it because it doesn't have achievements and they're fucking retarded
- Where the FUCK is Tokyo
7.5/10

Pokémon Conquest:
Basically Fire Emblem set in the Pokémon world without permanent death.
+ Pokémon from all five generations
+ Not on 3DS
+ You start with an Eevee, which you can evolve anyway you want
- Too many generation five dudes
- Gets kind of boring after a while
7/10

Rock Band Blitz:
Play the free demo. I honestly can't describe this game.
+ 25 (mostly) new songs, all for $15
+ Songs are immediately available in Rock Band 3
+ All of the Rock Band shit on your harddrive works in this game
+ Power-ups are fun to experiment with
+ City street presentation is pretty cool
+ Leaderboards help you realise just how awful you are
+ THE WICKER MAN
+ CULT OF PERSONALITY
+ METAL HEALTH
+ JESSIE'S GIRL
+ DEATH ON TWO LEGS
+ ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY
+ Brings back Spoonman and Give it Away
+ The tutorial song is the best song
- Some All-American Rejects song
- The MCR song is off their new album
- Christina still ruins Moves Like Jagger
- Default controls are fucking horrible; switch to "Freakish" as soon as you can
8.5/10

so here is game of the year rankings out of these seven before we get to the meat of the games:
1: Katawa Shoujo
2: Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD
3: Mass Effect 3
4: Rock Band Blitz
5: SSX
6: Pokémon Conquest
7: Diablo III

still to come:
The Amazing Spider-Man
Assassin's Creed III
Dishonoured
Need for Speed: Most Wanted
Sleeping Dogs
Soulcalibur V
Tekken Tag Tournament 2
The Walking Dead
XCOM: Enemy Unknown

Sleeping Dogs:
Originally supposed to be a sequel to 2005's True Crime New York, Sleeping Dogs was sold off by Activision and picked up by Square. I'm glad it was. You play as an undercover cop trying to take out Hong Kong's crime syndicates.
+ Gunplay feels pretty good
+ Driving feels pretty good
+ The climbing works well
+ Has a human shield mechanic that doesn't suck
+ Protagonist (Wei Shen) is very likable
+ Certain missions require Wei to get people to let him past them; leads to HUMOUR
+ Graphics are pretty great
+ Hacking into cameras and stuff is cool
+ Being able to dive out of your car onto another car is really cool
+ The karaoke minigame is good for a laugh
+ Soundtrack is cool, with surprising choices like Eminence Front and Dragon Attack
+ Melee combat is super-fun with all kinds of moves and shit
- Shame it's ripped directly from Arkham Asylum/City
- The emergency brake is on the B button, and the A button isn't used much when driving
- Taking out/using the cellphone feels sluggish
- Trying to trace phonecalls is the worst thing
- Trying to get past combination locks in annoying
- The icons on the world map are really fucking small
- The map is prone to glitching
- It is near impossible to hire a cab without just stealing the thing
- You have to level up to buy certain clothing? What?
9/10

so here is game of the year rankings out of these eight before we get to the meat of the games:
1: Katawa Shoujo
2: Sleeping Dogs
3: Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD
4: Mass Effect 3
5: SSX
6: Rock Band Blitz
7: Pokémon Conquest
8: Diablo III

The Walking Dead:
An episodic game from Telltale Games. Widely hailed as groundbreaking and given several game of the year awards.
+ The intro is one of the best in a while
+ The ending is the best in forever
+ The graphics/art style are super-impressive
+ Choices totally matter dog
- But only if you choose the choices the developers wanted you to
- The "action segments" are kind of horrible
- The end of the second episode is super-frustrating
- Hell, the entire second episode doesn't make much sense at all
- The second episode is a major low point
- Seriously, fuck the second episode
- The after-credits scene is pretty pointless
- If the second season involves Clementine in any way, it will be the worst thing
9/10

also i wrote NOTES while playing

I really enjoyed The Walking Dead game. However, there are just so many things that just didn't work for me. Let's go through, episode by episode.

EPISODE ONE:
The whole Larry thing was pretty stupid. Larry has a heartattack, so you risk your life trying to get medicine for him. This triggers the alarm of the drug store, which attracts shitloads of zombies. After saving Larry's life and getting everyone else out that you can, Larry suckerpunches you and leaves you for dead. Gee. Sure, he knows you murdered a dude before this whole thing happened, but let's look at what else you've done.
You found a fireaxe and a bunch more medicine, risked your own life to find the keys to get to said medicine, and then risked your life to keep the main door closed. Oh, and saved Larry's life. Gee. Then his daughter has the gall to defend him saying "that's just how he is". He's a fucking asshole. Plus, she, being his daughter, has the best chance of anyone to get him to stop being an asshole. But hey! That's just how he is!

EPISODE TWO:
This entire episode was garbage, save for one small part.
First, the introduced a new character only to kill him off in the middle. They made this character very likable and agreeable. They made him rational and sane. Then they killed him off for plot. Fuck you. That is very lazy writing. Why not kill off Carley or Doug? That would make more sense, as they existed beforehand. We have to like one of them, since we saved their life.
Speaking of Mark's death, why did it even happen? What made these people decide to become cannibals? They have milk. They have biscuits. They have more than almost anyone in the world, and yet they stoop the lowest of anyone in the game. Cannibalism is something that may need to be done, but when it doesn't, it shouldn't. And even then only on people who are already dead (or who volunteer?). Mark wasn't dead; he would have been totally fine.
Killing Larry could have been a huge decision. However, CPR doesn't work that way. The only rational decision is to kill Larry. Not killing Larry would come back to literally bite you in the ass in the real world, as he's already dead from the heartattack. But magical videogame CPR happens! Fuck you.
The scene where the farm lady is holding Katjaa hostage was stupid. I failed a dozen times because I didn't know what I had to do. I tried stopping when she pointed the gun at me, but Lee didn't stop so I pulled back on the stick. OOPS GUESS YOU HAVE TO TRY AGAIN AND HEAR ALL THE DIALOGUE AGAIN
Finally, the lady with the videocamera. What was even the point? I don't understand.

EPISODE THREE:
They made Duck super-likable with his detectivework. His puffed-out chest and the ability to high-five him made me really like his character. Then they killed him off. Gee. Remind me to stop liking characters.
I don't know what to say about the stop at the side of the road. I get that Lilly is the bad guy (girl?), but it was just so hamfisted. I refuse to believe that people that stubborn exist. Lilly and Larry are pointlessly evil. Were, sorry. They're dead now.

EPISODE FOUR:
The whole child in the attic thing was kind of stupid. I get it; children dying is sad. It was just a fucking rehash of Duck's death, and didn't serve any purpose except to get Lee to the backyard again.
How does the man have the ability to talk to Clementine on the walkie-talkie? These things come in sets, and the other one is still in Clementine's house. This makes no sense.
So here's the problem with the boat. Once they get onto the boat, onto open water, all they'll have to eat is any fish they manage to catch, assuming there are fish. They won't have anything to drink, as salt water cannot be consumed. All going out on the boat will do is let them starve to death on the high seas. Yo ho ho.

EPISODE FIVE:
I wish Clementine's captor weren't obviously crazy. Otherwise, his argument would be compelling as fuck.



That being said? I still enjoyed the game and want to play it again.
The intro was the best in ages, and the part in episode two where you had to dole out the food rations (the four small food items for the ten people there) was brilliant. Hell, they even managed to make child characters I liked.
And the ending? Fuck. Saddest game ending since Red Dead Redemption. Probably sadder.
If I had to rank the episodes, I'd say 5 > 1 > 4 > 3 > 2.

Oh, and I just looked on the official Telltale forums. An overwhelming majority want Clementine back for season two, and say it would be horrible without her.
Fucking hell. The whole point of season one was that Lee made Clementine into the person she is. The game ends when Lee dies, and since Lee will never see what becomes of her, we shouldn't either. We should have to speculate. We should have to not know. If Clementine is in season two, it will cheapen the entire first season. Cheapen it to the point of it not even mattering any more.

So, if you want a protagonist from season one, here are your options:
Glenn. He left to find his family/friends at the end of episode one. This is probably the best option, as he will end up far away from the rest of the party.
Lilly. She was either abandoned or drove off in the RV. But she has her own book or something, so?
Molly. She left the group because hey why not. This is the second best option.
Kenny. He is assumed dead, but hey! Stranger things have happened! This is the worst option of the five. Kenny returning also cheapens the first season, but nowhere near as much.
Omid/Christa. They're doing something? They're unaccounted for. This could work, but it would be super-hard to pull off.


In the end, if a character from season one returns as a main character, it should be Glenn. He's the only one where it wouldn't seem forced, but only if they put him with his friends/family.
Molly would be decent, I guess.

The Amazing Spider-Man:
The obligatory movie tie-in. It takes place after the movie.
+ Can do whatever a spider can
+ Open world is fun to explore
+ BOSS FIGHTS THAT LEAD YOU ACROSS THE CITY
+ Boss fights that rely on cunning and tell you what to do if you really don't get it
+ Swinging feels very fluid
+ Combat feels really good and stuff
+ Stealth is cool
+ You can read a few full Spider-Man comics after you collect shit
+ Attention to detail; people will pull out their phone to take a picture of Spider-Man
+ Loading screen has faux-Twitter messages from people in the city mostly responding to events
+ A lot of bonus costumes
- But why did they invert the colours on the Future Foundation suit
- Getting the "CLASSIC BLACK SUIT" gets you the one from the Spider-Man 3 movie
- Which is made worse by the fact that another suit, the Negative Zone suit, looks pretty fucking similar
- What the fuck is up with Gwen's face
- None of the actors from the film reprise their roles
- The camera is too close to Spider-Man
- Spider-Man is too fragile
- Enemy variety? What's that
- Lack of direction in the fifty missions that take you into the Oscorp building
- Plot is kind of lazy
- The game tries way too hard to be Arkham City
- Mr. Aziz's pizza missions are absent
7.5/10

Ratchet and Clank: Full Frontal Assault
This game was released last year with zero hype. I didn't even know it was a thing until I saw it in a store.
Basically, it's tower defense with a few twists.
+ Weapon variety is about what you'd expect from a Ratchet game
+ Every enemy has a unique Groovitron animation again
+ Callbacks to the best game in the series (Going Commando)
+ New gameplay mechanics work very well
+ The plumber's back
+ Released at $20
- VERY short
- The new models from All 4 One still don't look very good
8.5/10

Need for Speed: Most Wanted A CRITERION GAME
I finished this months ago. I don't know why I haven't posted my thoughts yet.
After the flop that was The Run, EA gave the Need for Speed franchise to Criterion, a.k.a. those guys who made Burnout.
+ The game feels like you took Burnout and Need for Speed and smashed them together
+ Doesn't start you off with a shitty suburban family car
+ Billboards and speed cameras are fun challenges
+ Number of licensed cars is great
+ Progression doesn't take forever
+ Controls are fully customisable
- Which is great, since the brake starts on the fucking X button
- No ability to take songs off the soundtrack
- Abolutely no way to tell what song is playing
- Can't repair your car outside of starting a new race/getting a new car without repainting it
- A bunch of races force you through the paint shop
8/10

Tekken Tag Tournament 2:
Beating Tekken games with every character is certainly a goal of mine, but I won't get around to it for a while. I have more than enough information to review the game, though.
The sequel to 2000's Tekken Tag Tournament. This game features pretty much every Tekken character, no matter how dead or redundant they are.
+ The final boss is actually beatable and not fifty stories tall
+ Tag grapples are super-cool
+ Your favourite Tekken character is here
+ Bob is still fucking awesome
+ A bunch of new characters added in via patch for a combined cost of $0
+ Snoop Dogg stage with a sweet new song
- Snoop Dogg is not playable
- Free DLC characters mostly clones
- And they fucking nerfed the shit out of Violet
- The narrated character openings are gone
- Not as many customisation options as I'd like
- Why did they make Julia into a masked wrestler
- Young Heihachi looks really creepy and you can't customise him to look old again
- And he's on the cover of the game
- And you have to fight him every time you do arcade mode

8.5/10

XCOM: Enemy Unknown:
I got so buttfrustrated at this that I gave up.
A revival of the age-old turn-based strategy series. Won shitloads of awards.
+ Visually interesting; aliens are super-well-designed
+ Can save anywhere and cheat to fuck
- But you'll have to if you want any soldiers to make it above fourth rank
- High-level terror missions are fucking cheap
- You can't pause when the aliens are doing things
- Berserkers fucking cheat
- Your assistant is retarded; says you have sustained heavy casualties when in fact you have sustained a lifetime total of zero
7.5/10

Assassin's Creed III:
This game is so fucking boring that I cannot bear to play it.
The fifth Assassin's Creed game in six years, not counting shit like Altair's Chronicles and Bloodlines and shit.
+ Haytham's character reveal was fucking masterful
+ Aerial assassinations are as cool as ever
+ The rope-hook thing is fucking awesome
+ Modern-day climby missions as Desmond are fun
+ Loads of minigames you can gamble on
- The computer will rape you at them every fucking time
- The "improved" controls are way worse
- Making you run through waist-high snow was a shitty decision
- This is the fucking fifth Assassin's Creed game in six years
- Forced stealth segments are horrible as always
- I absolutely do not care about Desmond any more
- Connor's boring as shit
- Seriously, Connor makes me miss fucking Altair
- Hell, I think I'd rather be playing the original game
- An entire sequence where they speak nothing but their Native American language? Fuck you.
6.5/10

Soulcalibur V:
It's a fighting game, so I think I got this.
Soulcalibur V gets rid of at least two-thirds of the cast and puts clones in their place, the excuse being that it is the future.
+ Super critical wow attacks are cool
+ Ezio was a great idea for a special character (better than fucking Yoda)
+ Create-a-character is better than ever
- No individual endings for the characters
- The clones are inferior to those they're replacing
7.5/10

Dishonoured:
This game's plot failed to grab me. Imagine the most interesting setting you can think of, then throw the most bland characters you can think of in that setting. GAME OF THE YEAR
Imagine someone took the setting of I AM A GIGANTIC FAGGOT PLEASE RAPE MY FACE III and threw Deus Ex: Human Revolution's gameplay over it. Then made it worse than either game.
+ The Heart is fun to fuck around with
+ The stealth is VERY GOOD
+ The magics are pretty cool
+ Cashflow is just enough to get you upgrades but not to have you swimming in them
- Corvo has no health at all
- Corvo isn't voice-acted at all
- Plot isn't engaging in the slightest
- The art style is kind of I don't like it
7/10