St. Patrick's Day Special 2015

SAINT PATRICK'S DAY SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"guys i thought up the punching line of the new holiday special" "oh boy" "the problem is that i don't know how to frame the joke, or deliver it" "that sounds like a problem" "yes; specifically it is your problem bye" Jakey throws the punchline to Bran and hops into his speedcar, speeding away (as one does in a speedcar). "ah shit" Bran runs over to Svart's house. "svart how would you like to star in the latest holiday special" Svart bursts through his front door and begins to sob tears of joy. "oh, you're busy; i'll find someone else" "wait no wait wait" "okay so your name is patrick" "but my name is svart" "oh well then i'll have to go find someone whose name really is patrick" "WAIT NO WAIT i was totally having a goof; my name is totally catrip" "patrick" "yes that" "so here's the plan"
Patrick walks on down the street and trips over a crack in the sidewalk, landing face-first into a bucket of vanilla ice cream. "i am allergic to vanilla!!!" Patrick's face puffs up to the size of a beach ball. "pssst eif now read the line" "oh right my line" Eif opens his envelope and reads his line. "i guess it ju-oh god this is awful" "READ YOUR FUCKING LINE" "i think i'm gonna be sick" Eif begins to wretch onto the sidewalk, dropping the piece of paper containing his line. The piece of paper flutters away in the breeze, leaving its contents never to be read for a holiday special. It eventually blows its way into the hands of a starving African child. "'i guess it just ain't patrick's day'" The African child muses over the contents of the line. "i don't get it" As these words leave his lips, the African child is suddenly attacked by A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Parcheesi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"