Storage Auction Hunter Wars (season 1)

EPYSODE ONE:
"man my life as a storage auction hunter warrior is fucking INTENSE" "word up homie" "man look at this fool here come to help their business" "pfft" "showin' no respect to those who have been capitalists for YEARS homie-g money" "word" "hello i am here because i need inventory for my store" "fuck off amiee :3" "no" "fuck"
"and now we are auctioning off this lovely eight-by-ten unit; it's got chairs and things" Kathy sweats. "nice things though so give me a lot of money for it" "oh shit i fucking love chairs" "yo dog let's make this bitch pay for this shit SON" "word" Eif-dog and Orange-money fistbump. "i will bid a hundred alabama fun bux" "two" "three" "four" "five" "six" "seven" "eight" "ONE THOUSAND ALABAMA FUN BUX" "pfft" Eif-dog and Orange-money walk off, fistbumping. "you got it bro" "i kind of overpaid but i need inventory so that my customers don't leave; i don't want to go bankrupt" Amiee :3 locks up her new purchase and heads to pay for it with all the money she has. "SHIT MAN we fucking OWNED that bitch" "WORD UP"
"well let's see what i've got in here" Amiee :3 drags out a few dressers by herself. "these are nice; a couple hundred each" Amiee :3 looks through the drawers. "oh fuck" Amiee :3 grabs a small coin out of the drawer. "oh man this might be valuable; i doubt it'll get me my money back but there's always hope" Amiee :3 loads her merchandise onto her truck and heads home.
"hey i found this coin and i'd like to know what it's worth, if anything" Amiee :3 hands the coin to the expert. "oh fuck this is a rare 1928 gold bear alabama special coin; they only printed twelve of these and at least seven of them were melted down during the alabama-america war" "how much is it worth" "five alabama fun bux" "oh well thanks for your time" Amiee :3 leaves the store, disappointed. "i was hoping for more money but i guess i'll have to take a loss" Amiee :3 looks to the sky. "i'll have to inform little timotheodore that he will be unable to eat again this week"

EPYSODE TWO:
"oh man look another new guy" "look at this chump" "hello" "FUCK OFF JAKEY" "no" "fuck"
"and now we are auctioning off this amazing ten-by-twelve unit; it's got a tyre of some sort?" Kathy sweats. "it's probably attached to an expensive car or boat or something so give me lots of money for it" "oh man i love tyres because i am in the auto repair business" "yo dog i want this because of my chopshop" "i bid five hundred alabama fun bux" "thousand" "fifteen" "two" "twenty-five" "thirty" "thirty-five" "AUGH" Eif-dog falls to the ground, defeated. "sold to you jakey" "sweet" Jakey locks up his new storage unit. "a bit expensive but the thrill is wor-" "YO DOG WHAT THE FUCK" "wat" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HAVING MORE MONEY THAN ME AND TAKING A THING I WANTED" "dude chill out it's ju-" "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?" "confused?" "AN ASSCUNT" "... that isn't a thing" "YES IT IS BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE" "oh" Jakey sweats. "that sounds logical" "BRO IF YOU EVER OUTBID ME AGAIN I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU" "dude what" Eif-dog walks off, angry, with Orange-money slowly following backwards, pointing his two fingers at his eyes and then at Jakey. Jakey heads to the front desk to pay for his unit.
"so this thing under the tarp is some kind of um... car?" Jakey scratches his head. "it's got uh four wheels... uh... and an engine or something? you know; basic car things" Jakey sweats. "i'll have to get it checked out by an expert" Jakey loads the car onto his trailer and heads home.
"hey i found this thing i think it's a car?" "hardly this is a 1922 super gt s2 supreme four-wheel drive with suicide doors, front and rear cupholders, and flood lights" "oh man then it must be worth a fortune" "HA" "..." "they couldn't GIVE this shit away" "fuck" "it is worth zero dollars" "FUCK"

EPYSODE THREE:
"these new guys be stealin' all our shit" "shit be tragic yo" "it be a sad sad day when novices be beatin' us TRUE original gangsters at storage auctions yo" "word"
"and now we are auctioning off this superwhelming twelve-by-fifty-eight unit; it's got a bunch of hats" Sweat begins to pour down Kathy's face. "but they are antique hats so they are worth giving me a lot of money for them" "i like hats i could certainly sell those" "hats are pretty cool" "i know right" "pfft let's run these fuckers UP homie on this piece of shit that is worthless" "word" Eif-dog and Orange-money fistbump. "i will bid two-hundred alabama fun bux" "three" "four" "five" "six" "ONE THOUSAND" "uh-oh" "shit" "sold to eif-dog" "BOOM MOTHERFUCKERS" "that be nothin' but SKILL chumps" "but you said it was junk" "it's called reverse psychology bitch" "BOOM" "but-" "fuck off amiee :3" "no" "fuck" Eif-dog sends Orange-money to pay for the unit.
"oh shit dog look at all these hats" "shit be BALLIN' YO" "FOR REAL HOMIE" Eif-dog and Orange-money fistbump. Eif-dog picks up a small hat for the sportsball team 'The Motherfuckers'. "shit dog this is a fucking thousand-dollar hat" "for real dog" "we just made our money back boyee" "word" "and look at this mint condition 'i'm with stupid' hat; that shit be AT LEAST fifteen-hundred" "shit dog" "man it feels good to be the kings" "word"
THE END