Canadian Sensation (season 11)

EPYSODE ONE:
"hello and welcome to canadian sensation; i'm your host, kathy; this season we've got a lot of great singers apparently, but here is backstory on a contestant that probably won't make it past the second round!!!" "hello my name is orange and i am from boston, alabama; my life was totally hard and stuff i mean first i got cancer then my girlfriend got aids then i got aids and we've been going through a lot; but my dream is to be a singuy" "NEXT" Orange walks into the room to sing in front of the judges. "hello" "hello" "what are you going to sing" "call me maybe by carly rae jepsen" "oh boy" "I tHrEw A wIsH iN tHe WeLl DoN't AsK mE i'Ll NeVeR tElL i LoOkEd To YoU aS iT fElL bUt NoW yOu'Re In My WaY tRaDe My SoUl FoR a WiSh PeNnIeS aNd DiMeS fOr A kIsS i WaSn'T lOoKiNg FoR tHiS bUt StIlL yOu'Re In My WaY" "STOP STOP PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP" "did you like it" "..." "..." "not really" "well i for one loved it" "yayyyyyyyyyy" "okay now to vote; jakey" "fuck, no" "amiee :3" "fuck, yes" "bran" "NO" "pity; i would have said yes" "fuck off eif" "no" "fuck" Orange walks out of the room, dejected. "how'd it go" "half of them liked me but jakey is a cunt" Kathy nods. "he is, isn't he"

EPYSODE TWO:
"AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE HOLLYWOOD ROUND" "oh fuck" "basically now you have to form groups and try not to kill eachother while we judge you harshly" "but during the course of the rest of the season groups aren't even close to being a thing" "fuck off sheriff antony" "no" "fuck" "now form groups you fuckers"
"hey can i join your group" "eeewww" "fuck off stevman" "no" "fuck" "hey join our group" "okay" "what should we name our group" "the motherfuckers" "FUCK YEAH" The Motherfuckers find their way to a quiet hall and begin to practice their song, Guns N' Roses' "One in a Million". "sheriff antony i feel that you should put more emotion into the line 'immigrants and faggots'" "only if you do the same for 'police and niggas'" "fine whatever" "TIME TO WORK ON OUR DANCE MOVES" "but i barely know the son-" "DANCING IS MY LIFE" "but this is a singing sho-" "DANCING IS MY FAVOURITE NAKED" "fuck off taylor" "no" "fuck"
"and now to hit the stage; THE MOTHERFUCKERS" "yes i needed" "some time to get away" "i needed to find some peace of mind" "some peace of mind that'll stay" "POLICE AND NIGGAS; THAT'S RIGHT; GET OUT OF MY WAY" "I DON'T NEED TO BUY NONE OF YOUR GOLD CHAINS TODAY" "IMMIGRANTS AND FAGGOTS; they make no sense to me" "they come to our country and think they'll do as they please" "you're one in a million" "and that's what you are" "you're one in a million" A single tear streams down Sheriff Antony's cheek. "you're a shooting star" "thank you" "so what did you think of the motherfuckers" "their dance moves were TIGHT nigga" "but i didn't feel any emotion or hatred toward police, niggas, immigrants OR faggots" "and i didn't hear a high note" "nor any slick harmonies" "i hope they enjoy riding home" "OKAY WE HAVE DECIDED THE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE LEAVING BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SUCK GOODNIGHT" "WHAT" "I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE PERFECTED OUR DANCE MOVES" "fuck off taylor" "no" "fuck"

EPYSODE THREE:
"okay after live performances we have tabulated the votes; one of these three hopefuls will be leaving today; between robert truckdriver sixteen, battleship greybeard, and svart" "oh boy" "the judges still have their save which can be used to extend the season by another episode" "god forbid" "and the person who will not not be un-leaving us on this not-day will not be" Ten minutes pass. "ROBERT TRUCKDRIVER SIXTEEN" "I Am So Grateful To My Family And My Fans For Supporting Me In My Quest To Win The Million Canada Fun Bux For Unfortunate Little Orphan-Chans" "um there isn't any prize money on this show" "..." "..." "Fuck" Robert Truckdriver 16 mopes back to his seat. "AND NOW FOR MUSICAL GUESTS TO DELAY THE INEVITABLE" "hello we are the band 'fuck this shit'" "i thought we were 'who gives a shit'" "who gives a shit" "i can't believe we're still doing this shit" "goddammit jakey" "yeah fuck you jakey"
63: Canada Roads, Take Me Home - Canadian Sensation
"Jane" by Jefferson Starship, 1979 [Freedom at Point Zero]
"Good Lovin' Gone Bad" by Bad Company, 1975 [Straight Shooter]
"Roadman" by MD.45. 1998 [The Craving]
"Feeling Hot" by Coverdale/Page, 1993 [Coverdale/Page]
"Fool for the City" by Foghat, 1975 [Fool for the City]
"this shit fucking sucks guys" "word"
Encore: "Rock the Night" by Europe, 1986 [The Final Countdown]
"and we're back so the person maybe probably going home or something is..." Five hours pass. "SVART" "... fuck" "SING FOR YOUR LIFE" A quicksand pit forms around Svart. "uh i'm hot-blooded; check it and see; got a fever of a hundred and three; come on baby can you do more than dance; i'm hot-blooded i'm hot-blooded I'M HOT" Jakey presses the button under his seat, causing the quicksand to evaporate. "I'M SAVIN' YOU DOG" "THANK YOU JAKEY YOU ARE THE BEST" "i know right" "i could feel the emotion and the heat of your blood" "i loved the high note" "i loved the dance moves" "AND THAT IS IT FOR CANADIAN SENSATION FOR TONIGHT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN EVERY CONTESTANT WILL SING THE SONGS OF LADY GAGA"
THE END