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Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: E3 2021 Tue Jun 08, 2021 3:24 am | |
| after skipping last year because of the kung flu, E3 is back and it's about fucking time without E3, Microsoft and Sony weren't able to announce any games for their new systems thus they didn't release any
SCHEDULE: all times eastern
SUNDAY JUNE 13: Microsoft - 1 PM Square-Enix - 3:15 PM
MONDAY JUNE 14: Take-Two Interactive - some time Capcom - 5:30 PM
TUESDAY JUNE 15: Nintendo - 12 PM Namco - some time
Sony and EA are once again no-shows good riddance Bethesda doesn't get their own show because they're folded into Microsoft now good riddance
WANTS:
Microsoft: Forza Horizon 5 location/release date The Elder Scrolls VI (longshot) ACTIVISION - Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3+4 (or, more preferably, THPS3+4 as an expansion to THPS1+2 so I can finally get to level 100 thanks) SEGA - Judgement 2 information
Square-Enix: a new Kingdom Hearts game that's actually good (NO MORE COMMAND DECK GAMES) Final Fantasy XVI gameplay trailer an announcement of the Yuffie episode for PS4 for fuck's sake (never going to happen) Final Fantasy VII Remake Part Two Final Fantasy Warriors
Take-Two: Grand Theft Auto VI (it's been eight fucking years and an entire console generation has passed you by) L.A. Noire 2 (maybe N.Y. Noire) Agent laugh out loud
Capcom: Devil May Cry 6 Ace Attorney 7
Nintendo: Super Mario Odyssey 2 just like every E3 since 2018 Kid Icarus something or other (even Kid Icarus Warriors would work) Fire Emblem 17 (new game or remake; I'm easy) Super Mario Warriors Pokémon information (Legends or D/Pmake; I'm easy) Marvel Ultimate Alliance 4 the last two Smash Ultimate characters so everyone can shut up about the fighters pass
Namco: Tekken X Street Fighter laugh out loud
i will not be twittering or gabbing about E3 this year i'll just make asinine observations that make no sense out of context in a word document, then post in this thread after each conference efficient and soulless, just how i like it |
| | | Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: Re: E3 2021 Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:27 pm | |
| commence foruming
MICROSOFT: microsoft has to go in HARD in order to sell their new xbox with the dumb name it sold out the initial batch, but that always happens what's important is keeping it selling and also making more of them so regular people can buy them i'm not really convinced that the xbox sex or the ps5 even exist i've never seen one in real life TO THAT END microsoft has a very important e3 on its hands the 360 was on top of the world, but the xbone just scraped by sony is leaving themselves vulnerable so it's time to strike i mean for fuck's sake, microsoft bought about a thousand different game studios and done absolutely nothing with them
i for one welcome our new chinese overlords why do people even bother using the youtube chat feature your message isn't even there for a whole second before it's swallowed into nothing
STARTING OFF WITH TODD LIE TO ME TODD oh it's just starfield who cares space is the worst setting for anything aside from maybe underwater well they revealed an exclusive wait where did todd go get this negro lady out of here WE WANT TODD
"it's been such a tough year" AND I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT
get out of here stalker i do not give a single shit i do not speak vodka 0-for-2
zombie game 50000000000000000000000 0-for-3 QUIP QUIP QUIP I QUIP THEREFORE I AM can these game characters please go five seconds without quipping thanks
steely dan i'm interested do it again, their best song no clue what contraband is but the music choice made me interested the trailer told us nothing about the game and it's the best of the show so far
sea of thieves yawn oh it's jack sparrow shame johnny depp isn't allowed to exist any longer
yakuza baby never heard ichiban's dub voice before it's really strange after playing the entire game in japanese i mean it's one of the best games shown so far but i've already played it
battlefield again i haven't enjoyed a battlefield trailer since HARDLINE and THE LOOT i've never played one of these games and probably never will it's like call of duty except for fags right okay driving the ATV into the helicopter and blowing it up was almost cool wasn't enough fanfare on the explosion though
oh twelve minutes i remember that from e3 like two years ago still not out i see
psychonauts can't wait to see how tim ruined it basically i don't trust tim so i'm going to wait to see how liberal he made it before playing the first game was so good that i'm expecting the second to be bad the only other double fine game i played was brutal legend which was terrible
fallout 1+2 on gamepass can't wait for the wave of people bitching about it not being an FPS my favourite skyrim memory was when i stopped playing it and played oblivion instead does fallout 76 count toward the 30 games the black chick told us about i dearly hope not was that gideon emery
oh look it's one of those ragdoll physics youtube bait games can't wait to watch my favourite youtube celebrities play this one it seriously looks just like gang beasts or human fall flat except you play as animals
hey look it's PRETENTIOUS 2D PLATFORMER it's been a while i remember limbo like it was yesterday i hate garbage like this somerville? more like utter trash
halo halo it's halo space shooter shooting and haloing look at that chief he is the greatest chief the master of chiefs if you will i'd rather play call of duty i never did play modern warfare; i probably should at some point wait IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT?! I THOUGHT HE FINISHED THE FIGHT YEARS AGO WERE YOU LYING TO ME THEN OR ARE YOU LYING TO ME NOW
diablo 2 except the characters are now ugly the same game you played twenty years ago, now with all the charm sucked out of it
more like a GAYgue tale am i right
this spaniard man's facial animations are not right it's unsettling yes this is a far cry game just like all the others can't be worse than 5 i can't believe they just showed a naked cock like that
slime rancher 2 looks terrible moving on
realistic snowboarding game? YAWN BIG YAWN WHERE'S SSX it's got to be better than that trash heap steep though
atomic heart almost looked good until i saw that purple-haired idiot
2D side-scroller? more like bathroom break grounded? more like time to get a new drink amogus? more like I AM FUCKING SICK OF THIS GAME RED SUS XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD my mother got a double bottle coozy as a free gift from something and it looks just like an amogus and i hate it
anime gam- a negro?! in my anime game?! i'm not talking standard brown girl i'm talking straight-up afro gorilla nigger eiyuden chronicle needed to show more gameplay is it turn-based or real-time or something dumb
the ascent's trailer was mercifully short
"if history was in your hands, what would you build?" gas chambers
i hate this stupid self-aware trailer i have already decided that i hate this game well now i know never to play the outer worlds 1 not that i was going to i almost did once dodged that bullet
planes planes 2: top gun edition should have had danger zone blasting
is this forza horizon 5? called it avocados from mexico thanks for putting it on xbone as well now i don't have to buy your new conso- WHO IS THAT WHOOPI GOLDBERG IMPERSONATOR your character is no longer a silent protagonist which is probably going to be terrible "a recreation of mexico that is honest, authentic" where's the cartels then? the volcano almost made me think it wasn't forza to be honest YESSS HORIZON BOWLING
finale game i hate this quirky writing and the cuts just make a normal fucking trailer trailer are supposed to make me want to buy your game not hate it instantly
MICROSOFT E3 FINAL GRADE: C+ saved by forza horizon 5 contraband might be good but we don't even really know what kind of game it is psychonauts looks really good but i have zero faith there was just a lot of dumb bullshit the minifridge was kind of funny though |
| | | Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: Re: E3 2021 Sun Jun 13, 2021 5:01 pm | |
| SQUARE: (and enix too i guess)
no real hopes or expectations, as in real life let's roll
why does the square presentation UI look like persona that's atlus and sega not square
guardians of the galaxy hopefully it's better than square's avengers game mantis is cute CUTE i'll have to see more before i say anything else honestly "your choices matter!!!" we will see the gameplay actually does look fun but they're clearly showing it at its best so again we will see i want it to be good it probably won't be rocket's voice doesn't do it for me i know i bitched about space earlier so i'm a hypocrite whatever the extended gameplay looks significantly less fun but the trailer here with the guitar solo looks fun again i don't know what to think it's probably going to be terrible
bro let's rerelease FF1-6 again for the thousandth time it's a good thing they've reminded us of their avengers game so people don't get too excited for gotg oh good mobile games everyone loves these oh good mobile hitman LIMITED COLABORATION: FINAL FANTASY X FINAL FANTASY that one guy was just dollar store auron bro is this a final fantasy shooter why new platinum game? i miss scalebound i'm a simple man i hear opera, i don't buy your game fuck off dyke game dyke game
final fantasy team ninja game i am interested stranger of paradise coming 2022 looking forward to it shame the demo's only on a system that doesn't exist same with FF7 yuffie edition
FF16 looks like it could be good
SQUARE E3 FINAL GRADE: B- GOTG took up most of the runtime and i'm not sure it'll be good but i'll give it the benefit of the doubt stranger of paradise looks cool as hell and both are going to be on systems i actually own the mid-section of the presentation sucked but whatever
EDIT: everyone's saying stranger of paradise is a dark souls-ass piece of shit instead of a good game like we deserve if this is true: SQUARE E3 ACTUAL FINAL GRADE: C- fuck off |
| | | Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: Re: E3 2021 Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:40 pm | |
| TAKE-TWO:
it's been eight years since GTA V it's fucking time for GTA VI
allow me to describe to you my ideal GTA VI so we can be disappointed together or you can call me an idiot i do not give a shit about online gameplay i want a single-player game the setting doesn't concern me too much as long as there are NO SMARTPHONES i definitely do not want a game set in 2021 where everyone hates eachother everything else is fine do 80s vice city again if you'd like go somewhere new like 70s chicago or something why not just not any year after 2007 for the love of god
wait nevermind this isn't about videogames it's about DIVERSITY they've even said no videogames will be shown glad you told me beforehand so i can skip it and be less mad than if i'd tuned in onto the next one
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| | | Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: Re: E3 2021 Mon Jun 14, 2021 6:57 pm | |
| CAPCOM: i'll be honest i only like two capcom series devil may cry and ace attorney the great ace attorney finally comes out next month so i guess i'm hoping for dmc6 to be fair, it's the 20th anniversary of both series but if an actual ace attorney 7 is in development, it will likely be announced at the tokyo game show instead it makes no sense to announce phoenix's new game when a different one comes out next month (also i'd just like to say i am pleased as PUNCH that the great ace attorney is getting a physical release on switch for only $40 no less)
thinking a little further, i also like dead rising and marvel vs capcom i never played dr4 or mvc infinite though so even though i heard they're bad i'll just leave it at that i don't want to see a resident evil 4 remake that game is already perfect as-is well not PERFECT but i doubt they'd fix the problems while keeping the all-important campiness resident evil 4 without campy dialogue would be an abomination against god
that brushed metal capcom logo is the best-looking thing at e3 so far let's kick things off with a game that's already out you can literally go to the store and buy this game RIGHT NOW in fact go do that we want your money buy VII.I.AGE today re:verse could be cool but no chainsaw motherfucker no buy
never hunted a single monster before in my life and i don't plan to start now god this just goes on forever doesn't it oh dear god monster hunter is crossing over with MONSTER HUNTER?! stop the FUCKING PRESSES leather pants and sunglasses?! this is all just going so fast
here we go i need it i still say they should have called him griffin wright the jury examination returns from layton vs phoenix but appears to be improved this looks great legitimately just as in real life, black means guilty, white means not guilty i need it
esports the worst kind of sports
CAPCOM E3 FINAL GRADE: A+ still riding high from april's announcement of the great ace attorney coming west it's all i wanted it's all i care about i doubt there's going to be any game announced tomorrow that i'm more excited to play okay fine i'll give it a real grade
CAPCOM E3 FINAL GRADE: D they didn't show anything new we already knew about the great ace attorney resident evil VII.I.AGE is already out monster hunter stories 2 looks like shit and the trailer went on forever don't care about esports it was a bad presentation it can't get an F because take-two happened
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| | | Jakeyadventure TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
Number of posts : 13790 Age : 30 Registration date : 2007-12-29
| Subject: Re: E3 2021 Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:43 pm | |
| NINTENDO: this is it the big boy nintendo is going to save e3 this year just like i say they will every year sometimes i'm even right
so what do i want to see from nintendo, you ask? super mario odyssey 2 mostly i need it if they announce odyssey 2 it's an instant A+ no out-of-the-blue game trailer has ever made me as hyped as odyssey's e3 2017 trailer, and the game was phenomenal it's what i've been asking for for the last three years without fail, every nintendo direct
also would be nice: mario kart 9 kid icarus something or other (uprising port, uprising sequel, warriors spin-off, i don't care what) fire emblem 17 (new game or remake i'm not picky) some nintendo warriors game (mario would work well) more information on Pokémon d/p remakes or legends uh a kirby game i guess
smush bros again? rip ganondorf okay didn't expect kazuya i figured it would be jin if we got a tekken character the volcano is appeased kazuya holy shit devil form kazuya nice heihachi as a stage prop gotta love kirby
"your choices matter" first red flag lesbians second red flag fuck off we saw life is strange at square's presentation same with guardians of the galaxy
super smash bros: worms edition "captivating turn-based combat" which is it wouldn't the monkeys suffocate in those balls?
best of mario party (still only five boards) how can it be best of the N64 games if space land is here? it's the worst mp2 board also no costumes on the mp2 boards is trash
wow after like ten years of people throwing the name around, here's metroid dread can't wait to not play it
i skipped ubisoft intentionally to AVOID just dance the dragon ball z game doesn't look bad but i have never watched/read it before nintendo has made me want to buy a golf game oh god a course that's just new donk city?
OH FUCK OFF capcom bored me to death with monster hunter stories yesterday
it's about time we got a new wario game mona is cute as hell always like when charles martinet is allowed to just speak full sentences
who designed the main character of SMT V seriously people make fun of JRPGs for having boys that look like girls but SMT V takes it to a ridiculous level fairyjack frost?! the gays have gone too far
never played danganronpa probably should it's the biggest one of these games i haven't played it's probably a good thing i waited
tony hawk baby i was still hoping for a thps3 expansion announcement wow a new advance wars never thought i'd see the day or a remake whatever never played it
good to see hyrule warriors getting ridiculous new weapons the guardian being the new playable character is disappointing i wanted my boy robbie
ho boy here we go that only raised more questions well verticality was botw's strongest suit we'll see how it goes not buying botw2 until i see reviews
NINTENDO E3 FINAL GRADE: C+ i mean it was fine some good stuff nothing earth-shattering the worst part was honestly the lack of the final smash bros character now i have to listen to roster predictions for even longer
nothing amazing for me really nothing where i'm jumping out of my seat saying "I NEED IT"
edit: watched a bit of treehouse warioware looks sick i'll spot you up to B- |
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