The Last Fantasy Ever. No More Fantasies After This One. We're Serious This Time.

LRYBDUIN UHA:
"hey bro sign this" "okay" The protagonist signs his name on the child's ball. "..." "..." "how the fuck do you pronounce that" "tidus" "oh okay" "IT'S TIME FOR SPORTS" Tidus does sports. "FUCK YEAH SPORTS" The sportsdome is flooded and destroyed. "oh sup auron" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" "it's time for the first boss" "I, GARLAND, WILL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN" "..." "..." "dude spoilers" "oops wrong script let's see here... 'says nothing' how gay" "just like... YOU" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" "WELP TIME FOR YOU TO GO" Auron chucks Tidus into a vortex or something.

LRYBDUIN DFU:
"wow look at these ruins" Tidus gazes. "fuck i'm cold time for some INITIATIVE" Tidus creates a fire using sticks, a box of chewing gum, a HAM radio, and a fire. "ahhhhhhhh" Tidus falls asleep for a while. "I AM HUNGRY" The fire goes out. "HELP I'M GONNA DIE" Tidus runs around aimlessly with his arms above his head, and gets attacked. "WHY" A group of guys blasts through the wall. "welp" "famb" "thanks" "vilg uvv detic" "no" "vilg" Some guy hits Tidus with his rifle.
"where am i" "mad'c gemm drec kio" "ugyo" "HU FYED" "lusa uh fa'mm ryja y hela saym" "pid ra luimt tu fung vun ic yht aynh ic suna saymc" "veha frydajan" "hey you can do work for us let's goooooooooooo" The chick jumps into the water. "sigh" Tidus jumps in after her, and they fight a boss. "yay experience" "IT'S TIME TO DO THE LEVELLING UP TUTORIAL" "no i think i-" "SO TO LEVEL UP FIRST YOU NEED TO MOVE ON THE SPHERE GRID AND USE SPHERES TO GAIN MORE STATS TO GAIN SPHERES KILL THINGS OKAY OKAY" "um thanks" "fuimt oui mega du rayn dra diduneym ykyeh" "um sure" "SO TO LEVEL UP FIRST YOU NEED TO MOVE ON THE SPHERE GRID AND USE SPHERES TO GAIN MORE STATS TO GAIN SPHERES KILL THINGS OKAY OKAY" "AUGH WHY" Tidus stumbles overboard.

LRYBDUIN DRNAA:
"oh god where am i now" A ball hits Tidus in the head. "SPORTS" "you all right me brudda ya?" "SPORTS" "HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK" Tidus leaps into the air from the water, does a backflip, and kicks the ball into the woods. "ey mon dat was our only ball mon whatchu gonna do to get us our ball me brudda ya?" "I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT AN OCTOROCK" "find me ball and i will get you food ya?" "what are you supposed to be" "wakka" "que" "wakka" "uh-huh" "ey mon let's go get you food so you can look for our ball me brudda ya?" "FOOD" The two run off aimlessly. "uh-oh a cliff i'd better be caref-" Wakka pushes Tidus off the cliff. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "DATS FOR ME BALL MON YA?" "fuck off wakka" "no ya?" "fuck" "ALSO join my sports team me brudda ya?" "but your uniform consists of low-slung gangster overalls that let everyone see your boxers as well as the top quarter of an apron" "good job we don't have any spares ya?" "fine whatever" "we will like do our best and shit ya?" "no we will WIN" "0/10 me brudda ya?" "I WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE ACHIEVED VICTOLY" "at least you'll save money on beds me brudda ya?"

LRYBDUIN VUIN:
"so here we are me brudda ya?" "where's the food" "YOU KNOW DA PRAYER ME BRUDDA YA?" "wat" "it's like dis me brudda ya?" Wakka stumbles around. "oh we used to do that in SPORTS but i can't tell wakka that" "..." "..." "what ya?" "HUNGRY" Tidus eats. "obtw da summoner is inside da cloister and might be dying me brudda ya?" "TIME TO BE HEROIC AND STUFF" Tidus runs into the Cloister of Trials. "HERESY" "BURN THE WITCH" The villagers get out their pitchforks and flashlights while Tidus does simple puzzles. "I FUCKING LOVE SACRILEGE" "..." "... what is this blue thing" "WHO ARE YOU" "oh you know just a heretic" "oh okay" They wait. Tidus stares at Lulu's boobs. "why are you" "because you are hanging them out there for the world to see" "but my dress is made of BELTS" "wait what" Tidus looks, and, sure enough, Lulu's dress is made of belts. "NOMURA" Tidus falls to his knees, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "and your outfit has like ten zippers" "WHAT" "plus you're wearing a belt on your overalls" "..." "..." "WHY DOES MY CHARACTER DESIGN MAKE NO SENSE" "you'll fit right in" "HEY LOOK AT ME I'M A SUMMONER FUCK YEAH" "also you get to summon this dragon thing?" "sweet" "hi i'm tid-" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck"

LRYBDUIN VEJA:
"so dis brudda's comin wid us to luca ya?" "um okay" "hey mon take dis sword ya?" "FUCK YES THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER" Tidus swings around his new sword. "LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO" "NO ME BRUDDA WAIT YOU'VE GOT TO PRAY, YA?" "i don't believe in any fucking gods" "but you saw yuna summon a fucking dragon... thing" "parlour tricks and nothing more" Tidus power-walks into the forest. "..." Kimahri leaps at Tidus. "AGH A FURRY" "..." Kimahri savagely attacks Tidus. "fuck off kimahri" "..." "fuck" "kimahri stop ittttt ur so mean ):" "..." Kimahri stops. "FUCK YOU" "..." "WELP TIME TO FORGET ABOUT THIS BLUE GUY FOREVER dootdootdadootdootdootdootdootdootyeah" They all board the boat. "NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE MY MOVE; NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY RUIN THI-" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SIN IS HERE AAAAAAAAAAA" "fuck off sin" "no" "fuck" "let's see only two of us have the ability to hit it" "three since kimahri-" "who" "good point" Tidus and Yuna play cards while Wakka and Lulu attack Sin. "got any threes" "go fish" Tidus goes fish, but is sucked into the ocean by Sin. "EY MON IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE A BIG HERO YA?" Wakka dives into after Tidus and uses a potion. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT" "ey mon i just saved your life ya?" "YOU COULD HAVE JUST DRAGGED ME TO A SAVE POINT POTIONS COST MONEY" "fuck off tidus ya?" "no" "fuck ya?" The two swim back up to the ship just in time for the shuffleboard tournament. "eight ball, corner pocket" Lulu shuffles her board into the corner pocket. "fuck yeah" "um um knight to e4" "you sunk my battleship!!!" "i summon the dark magician in attack mode" "that is not a legal move" "fuck off lulu" "no" "fuck"

LRYBDUIN CEQ:
"hey bro our people just got slaughtered help us and stuff" "OKAY" Yuna walks on water, then dances around. "what the fuck is this shit" "basically people die, then yuna dances and their souls go to heaven and stuff" "sounds gay" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" "anyway what's the point to things" "we have to stick by yuna until the end!!!" "WHAT IS THE END" Everyone stares at Tidus. "welp" "TO THE TEMPLE" The Yuna symbol flashs on-screen. "sorry you can't go to the temple because of this ochu" "but it's sleeping" "yes and because of that we are not dead" "but can't we just creep past it a-" "NO" "hey guess what" "what" "i don't give a shit" Tidus attempts to sneak past the Ochu, but trips on its vines. "well it was nice knowing him" The Ochu grabs Tidus by the foot. "hey yuna can't you summon a huge dragon thing" "i... don't think so" "but-" "tidus stop making shit up god you're so childish" "sigh" Ochu eats Tidus, digesting him through his roots and spitting him out at the temple. "that went well"
"ey mon i challenge you to a RACE me brudda ya?" "i like races" "OKAY ON YOUR MARK GET SET" Yuna runs off. "YOU ARE A DIRTY FUCKING CHEATER" Tidus and Wakka run after her. "GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID BITCH" Tidus and Wakka make it to the top of the stairs, finding some weird plant thing. "what the fuck is this shit" "stop trying to make that into a catchphrase" "fuck off lulu" "no" "fuck" They hit the plant thing a bunch. "go away no one likes you" The plant thing runs away, its feelings hurt. "that was mean" "desperate times" "they weren't very desperate" "a six out of ten at best" "fuck off yuna" "no" "fuck"

LRYBDUIN CAJAH:
"HEY BESAID DOGFUCKERS" "HEY KILIKA GUYS-WHO-AREN'T-THAT-COOL" "too far" "way too far" "i'm so sorry" "I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO DO YOUR BEST" "FUCK YEAH OUR BEST" "NONONO GUYS WE'RE GONNA WIN" "0/10" "yeah tidus that's not going to happen" "I WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE ACHIEVE VICTOLY" "good job i learnt esuna from ochu" "what" "see it's a joke because 'sleep' is a condition that can be cured by esuna" "it's not a good joke if you have to explain it" "maybe it's too good for you" "i'm sure that's not it"
"hello i am unlikable" "hello" "fuck off yuna" "no" "fuck" "OKAY GUYS TIME TO GO" "YEAH" "no tidus you stay here" "what why" "because you're not very cool" "WHAT" "it's true me brudda ya?" "fuck my life" The people who aren't Tidus go into the Cloister of Infant Puzzles. "HEY GUESS WHAT" "what" Barthello shoves Tidus onto the elevator. "..." "..." "welp" Tidus solves some retardedly easy puzzles. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" "I WAS PUSHED" "a likely story" "yes it is" "HEY GUYS WHA-... oh it's you" "fuck off yuna" "no" "fuck" Then Yuna learns how to summon a giant fire daemon thing.

LRYBDUIN AEKRD:
"so yuna likes tidus" "ohmygodnoway me brudda ya?" "totally" "sounds really gay mon ya?" "totally" "still tidus and yuna sittin' in a tree mon ya?" "H-A-V-I-N-G-SPACE-C-O-N-S-E-N-S-U-A-L-SPACE-S-E-X-SPACE-I-N-SPACE-T-H-E-SPACE-M-I-S-S-I-O-N-A-R-Y-SPACE-P-O-S-I-T-I-O-N"
"HEY TIDUS YOU'RE WORTHLESS AND STUFF" "old" "I BET YOU CAN'T DO A JECHT SHOT" "WANNA BET" "..." "..." "so yeah" "OKAY" Tidus fucks it up. "HAHA NOW YOU CAN'T GET THE BEST SPORTS MOVE IN THE GAME UNTIL THE VERY END" "WANNA BET" Tidus resets the console.
"so yuna likes tidus" "ohmygodnoway me brudda ya?" "totally" "sounds really gay mon ya?" "totally" "still tidus and yuna sittin' in a tree mon ya?" "H-A-V-I-N-G-SPACE-C-O-N-S-E-N-S-U-A-L-SPACE-S-E-X-SPACE-I-N-SPACE-T-H-E-SPACE-M-I-S-S-I-O-N-A-R-Y-SPACE-P-O-S-I-T-I-O-N"
"HEY TIDUS YOU'RE A DIRTY FUCKING CHEATER" "old" "I BET YOU'LL EVENTUALLY GET THE JECHT SHOT RIGHT" "WANNA BET" "..." "..." "so yeah" "OKAY" Tidus tries several more times, and eventually gets it. "YES FIRST TRY" "nice job!!!" "thanks yuna i am rather sportsy" "old" "btw i met jecht he was cool" "0/10" "not even trolling" "fuck you, for one" "you sound mad" "yes you do"

LRYBDUIN HEHA:
"HELLO EVERYONE AND WELCOME TO SPORTS" "THIS IS BOB AND STEVE, YOUR ANNOUNCERS THROUGH THE SPORTS EXPERIENCE" "THAT'S RIGHT BOB AND NOW WE HAVE MAESTER MIKA COMMENCING THE SPORTSING" "OH LOOK AT THAT BLONDE FAGGOT IN THE ZANARKAND ABES THROWBACK GEAR NOT BOWING" "HAHA WHAT A FAGGOT BOB" "I'M STEVE" "I SINCERELY DOUBT THAT" "AND NOW LOOK AT THIS THE MAESTER SEYMOUR LOOKING FLAMBOYANT AS EVER WHAT A FAGGY-LOOKING MAESTER" "HAHA, LUCKY FOR HIM YEVON DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GAYS" "A LUCKY MAN INDEED NOW LET'S HEAD ON OVER TO THE ACTION"
"NOW IT LOOKS LIKE THAT HEATHEN IS LEADING THE SUMMONER AROUND THE SQUARE BOB" "I'M STILL STEVE" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "OH LOOK THE USELESS BLUE THING IS GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH OTHER BLUE THINGS AND OH FUCK THE SUMMONER IS GONE THAT IS A FIVE-POINT PENALTY AND A FORCED BENCHING OF THE FAGGOT" "THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR THE BESAID AUROCHS AS WAKKA IS KIND OF USELESS AT EVERYTHING" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "I HAVEN'T STOPPED BEING STEVE" "ZERO OUT OF TEN" "ANYWAY NOW THE FAGGOT, A WHORE, AND THE BLUE THING ARE WALKING ONTO A CRUISESHIP" "I'M EAGERLY AWAITING THE PUNCHLINE BOB" "STILL STEVE" "HAHA YOU ARE A FUNNY MAN" "ANYWAY IT LOOKS LIKE THEY HAVE DESTROYED A BALLS-LAUNCHING ROBOT THING AND HAVE RESCUED THE SUMMONER" "ALSO WAKKA WON SOMETHING FOR ONCE AND I AM SURE THAT HE CHEATED" "THE BESAID AUROCHS ARE IN THE FINALS SOMEHOW BOB" "WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS BOB" "WE SURE HAVE BOB"

LRYBDUIN DAH:
"AND WE'RE BACK WITH SPORTS I'M STEVE" "NO I'M STEVE" "YOU JUST KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT BOB" "ANYWAY IT LOOKS LIKE TIDUS REALLY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW SPORTS WORKS" "YOU'D THINK THAT HE WAS JUST DROPPED RIGHT INTO THE SPORTS ARENA WITH NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO SPORTS" "AND THROWN INTO A CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH TO BOOT BOB" "STILL STEVE" "YOUR RATING ISN'T GOING ANY HIGHER" "ALSO IT APPEARS THAT THE CROWD IS SCREAMING FOR WAKKA" "WHO" "EXACTLY BOB" "BOB I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE" "I'M GLAD YOU SLEPT WITH BOB'S WIFE AS YOU ARE BOB" "HATE MY LIFE" "ALSO IT LOOKS LIKE TIDUS IS LEAVING AND IS REPLACED BY A GUY WHOSE HAIR DEFIES PHYSICS" "COULD THIS BE WAKKA" "THE NAME IS AS STUPID AS THE HAIR SO I'D SAY YES" "YOU'RE ONE TO TALK BOB" "YES YOU ARE BOB YES YOU ARE" "OH IT LOOKS LIKE THE AUROCHS HAVE LOST AND TIDUS IS GIVING UP SPORTS FOREVER" "NOT SMART IF HE WANTS WAKKA TO LEARN ANY NEW OVERDRIVE ATTACKS" "OR GET HIS ULTIMATE WEAPON" "THAT'S RIGHT BOB" "I NEED TO GET SOME NAME TAGS" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "OH IT APPEARS THAT FIENDS ARE ATTACKING THE SPORTSDOME" "SOUNDS REALLY GAY BOB" "JUST LIKE YOU BOB" "SO YOU ADMIT IT BOB YOUR WIFE WILL BE SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT" "ANYWAY HEY LOOK IT'S AURON" "WHO" "THAT GUY FROM THE BEGINNING WHO CHUCKED TIDUS INTO THE VORTEX OF PAIN" "OH THAT WANKER" "HE IS INDEED A WANKER BOB" "FUCK OFF BOB" "NO" "FUCK"

LRYBDUIN AMAJAH:
"AND WE'RE BACK AGAIN WITH SPORTS I'M STEVE" "I'M PRETTY SURE I'M STEVE" "JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY" "ANYWAY IT LOOKS LIKE AURON IS EXPLAINING THE PLOT TO TIDUS" "AND TIDUS ISN'T TAKING IT WELL FOLKS THE NEWS THAT SIN IS TIDUS'S OWN FATHER, THE LEGENDARY JECHT OF THE ZANARKAND ABES SPORTS TEAM, IS REALLY HITTING HOME; THIS COULD BE OVER ANY MINUTE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN" "HOLD UP BOB DON'T COUNT TIDUS'S EMOTIONS OUT JUST YET HE IS PUTTING UP A GOOD FIGHT" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "I'M GLAD WE AGREE BOB"
"OH NOW IT LOOKS LIKE AURON AND TIDUS ARE JOINING YUNA'S PARTY FOR GOOD" "THAT'S GOOD AS THE ONLY GUY OTHER THAN AURON WHO CAN TAKE OUT SHELLY GUYS IS KIMAHRI" "WHO" "EXACTLY" "UH-OH IT LOOKS LIKE TIDUS AND YUNA ARE LAUGHING BADLY" "I SURE DON'T GET WHY THIS SCENE IS POIGNANT BOB" "NEITHER DO I BOB I USE IT AS A TESTAMENT TO HOW BAD THE ENGLISH VOICES ARE" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB BECAUSE JAPANESE TIDUS SURE AS FUCK DIDN'T SOUND LIKE A CROW" "NOT AT ALL BOB" "UH-OH IT LOOKS LIKE OUR TIME IS UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN FOR SPORTS I'M STEVE" "AND I'M STEVE" "JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR MORE EXCITING SPORTS" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB"

LRYBDUIN DFAMJA:
"i'm so glad that's over" "so am i now we have time for INTERPERSONAL DRAMA" "FUCK YEAH" "hello my name is shelinda of the order of ye-" "NA NA NANA NA NA NANA NA KATAMARI DAMACY" "doo doo dootdoo" A Shoopuf squirts a rainbow out of its trunk. "EVERY FUCKING TIME" Shelinda storms off. "COME BACK I WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH" Tidus runs after Shelinda with his autograph book. "HEY BRO I BET YOU THAT I AM A BETTER SUMMONER THAN YOU" "i don't doubt it" "..." "..." "okay then" "WELL GUYS I'M BEAT TIME FOR BED" "but auron it's not even noon yet" "I SAID IT IS TIME FOR BED" "fuck my life" The group sits around for hours and watch the sun set. "HEY YUNA AFTER WE BEAT SIN WE CAN RUN AROUND SPIRA AND DO THINGS LIKE SEE THINGS AND WE CAN GO TO ZANARKAND OKAY IT WILL BE GREAT" "okay" Yuna makes no attempt to tell Tidus of the obvious plot twist. "oh hey guys the chocobos are being eaten" "oh fuck can i have some" "no this is a bad thing" "0/10" "yeah you fucking hippie let's eat chocobos" "no i mean one guy is hogging them all" "THE MONSTER" The party confronts the chocobo-eater and feasts. "COMING THROUGH" "NA NA NANA NA NA NANA NA KATAMARI DAMACY" "doo doo dootdoo" "I HATE YOU ALL" Shelinda crashes into a cliff. "PRINCE OF ALL COSMOS SIGN MY BOOK PLEASE PLEASE" "FINE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" Shelinda signs Tidus' book. "THANK YOU SO MUCH" Tidus hugs Shelinda and runs off, staring at his new prize. "quick let's leave while he's distracted" The party sneaks away from Tidus. "HALT NO ONE THROUGH FOR OPERATION SACRELIGE" "fuck my life" "HEY GUYS WHAT'S UP" "see we lost our chance" "hey guys is it hot in here" Seymour walks up. "oh wait that's just me" "fuck off seymour" "no" "fuck" "let us through d00d" "okay" They let them through. "gee" "THANKS MAESTER SEYMOUR SIR" "don't mention it" "okay" "good"

LRYBDUIN DRENDAAH:
"so let's continue on our pilgrimage" "fuck yeah" "LOLNOPE" The party is railroaded into heresy. "that wasn't good" "oh hey guys what's up" "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET CHAPPU DIE MAN" "who" "wakka's brother" "oh hey wakka's been quiet lately why is that" "i had no idea you noticed mon ya?" "i didn't MOVING ON" "hey look at us we're gonna kill sin" They don't. "oh no everyone i ever loved is dead" "you get used to it" "ANYWAY MOVING ON" "NO WAIT first i must DANCE" Yuna dances. "okay now MOVING ON" They move on. "TEMPLE TIME" "YES NOW IT IS TIME TO COMPLETE PUZZLES EVEN A CHILD COULD SOLVE" "FUCK YEAH" "best day ever" They solve puzzles that wouldn't give an eight-year-old pause. "oh man dat was very hard me brudda ya?" "no wakka" "fuck my life ya?" Then Yuna learns how to summon an electric unicorn thing.

LRYBDUIN VUINDAAH:
"HEY LOOK IT'S THE MOONFLOW" "omg so beautiful" "i know right" "i hear the lake lights the fuck up at night" "DUDE I HAVE A GREAT IDEA" "we're not staying here overnight tidus" "OKAY NEW PLAN we come back after the pilgrimage all of us" "um sure" "okay i guess" "ALL OF US" "okay okay" "there certainly are not any flaws in this plan" "i agree" They head to the docks, confident. "WOAH WHAT THE FUCK" "jecht saw a shoopuf once and was totally drunk then he stabbed it and then we gave some guys all our gold then he never drank again the end" "gee" "WELP TIME TO BOARD" They board. "hey guys i have a confession i'm actually bl-AAAAAAAAAAAAA" Yuna gets yanked into the water. "FUCK SHIT PISS ASS CUNT FUCK" "WE GOT TO SAVE HER ME BRUDDA YA?" "why god why" "WE'RE THE ONLY TWO WHO KNOW HOW TO SWIM MON YA?" "ugh" The two beat up a robot. "gee" "gee mon ya?" The robot explodes. "WELP TIME TO GO ON FOREVER AND NEVER THINK ABOUT THAT AGAIN dootdootdootdoot" Tidus moseys along the shore. "HEY YOU CUNT WHY DID YOU BLOW ME UP THAT HURT AND STUFF" "hello do i know you" "..." "..." "fuimt oui mega du rayn dra diduneym ykyeh" "um sure" "SO TO LEVEL UP FIRST YOU NEED TO MOVE ON THE SPHERE GRID AND USE SPHERES TO GAIN MORE STATS TO GAIN SPHERES KILL THINGS OKAY OKAY" "AUGH WHY" The rest of the guys catch up. "who is this bitch" "she keeps giving me tutorials!!!" "oh she must be a main character then" "wanna join our ADVENTURESQUAD" "fuck yes" "fuck my life"

LRYBDUIN VEVDAAH:
"hey everyone right this way please watch your step or something?" "HEY IT'S ME" "FAGGOT ALERT" "maester seymour isn't gay tidus" "yeah that's against the code of yevon" "look at him for a moment" "look at you for a moment" Tidus stands in his overall-shorts, wide-open halfshirt, and earring. "... nevermind" "BROS CHECK IT OUT, ZANARKAND" "i can see my house from here!!!" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" "look tidus i know you're wearing traditional zanarkand abes blitzball regalia, and you just suddenly appeared from the ocean, but that is no proof that you're actually from zanarkand" "..." "..." "welp" "HEY YUNA MARRY ME BRO" "um i will have to think about it" "okay" Seymour looks at his watch. "WELP OFF TO MACALANIA dootdootdoot" Seymour walks off with his hands in his pockets, whistling badly. "LET'S GO TO THE FARPLANE" "okay" "i'd rather not" "same with me" "WHY NOT" "because reasons" "THE DEAD SHOULD STAY DEAD FUCKING NECROPHELIACS" "good point" Tidus waits outside the Farplane with Rikku and Auron for years. "you do realise that you have to go in to advance the plot right" "sigh" Tidus hangs his head, and trudges into the Farplane. "PLOT TWIST: I LOVED WAKKA'S BROTHER" "whaaaaaaaaaaaaat" "PLOT TWIST: WAKKA'S BROTHER SPOKE PERFECT ENGLISH" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" "PLOT TWIST: JECHT ISN'T DEAD" "fuck off yuna" "no" "fuck" "so tidus now that we are alone who do you most want to get in the pants of" "kimahri" "rimshot"

LRYBDUIN CEQDAAH:
"so off to the thunder plains" "yes" "yes" "NO" "wat" "I AM SCARED OF THUNDER" "okay bye" "FINE I WILL GO" "okay let's go" "NO" "..." "..." "so yeah bye" "FUCK IT" Rikku runs, full tilt through the Thunder Plains, stopping at the Travel Agency. "time for REST" "okay" "WELP TIME TO BARGE INTO YUNA'S ROOM" Tidus does that thing he mentioned. "hey bro stop my son he's evil and stuff" "man i was right!!!" "TIDUS I AM NOT DECENT" "you are wearing the same clothes as ever" "well um" Yuna sweats. "LOOK OVER THERE" Tidus does that thing Yuna mentioned, and Yuna breaks a window and runs off. "WELP OFF TO MACALANIA dootdootdoot" Tidus walks off with his hands in his pockets, whistling badly.
"guys i have an announcement" "dude can it wait the lightning i-" "NO" "fuck" "guys i am going to marry seymour" "good" "bad" "ugly" "i don't care" "guys it is because it will make people happy; people fucking LOVE weddings" "but weddings be lame me brudda ya?" "TAKE THAT BACK WAKKA YOU FUCKING RETARDED WHORE" "i'd rather not ya?" Tidus grabs Wakka by the throat. "TAKE IT BACK OR ELSE" "i will die a martyr ya?" "FUCK YOU WAKKA"

LRYBDUIN CAJAHDAAH:
"hey look it's yuna hi yuna!!!" The Guado take Yuna away. "PUCC DESA" A giant robot appears. "fuck" "kioc caneuicmo fryd dra vilg e kud drec" "wanu uid uv dah" They fight A ROBOT. "gee" "famm poa" The Al Bhed fuck off. "SNOWMOBILES TIME" Tidus hops onto a snowmobile, Lulu hops on the back, and they ride off. "so like" "i'm worried about yuna" "you don't say" "it's time for a rescue!!!" "you don't say" They head into the temple. "SEYMOUR CHECK THIS OUT" Yuna dances. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I AM ALLERGIC TO DANCING" "AS AM I" "no one likes you auron" "0/10" "fuck" "GUESS WHAT IT'S TIME FOR ONE OF THE HARDEST BOSS FIGHTS" Seymour gives the party a wide grin. "FUCK MY LIFE" "COME OUT EMBODIMENT OF MY DEAD MOTHER" Anima comes out of the ground. "your mother is homely as FUCK" "TAKE THAT BACK" "no" "fuck" Seymour passes out from the severity of the insults. "SEYMOUR NOOOOOOOOOOOO" Tromell grabs Seymour and drags him out, giving the party the middle finger. "BUT HE'S EVIL" "LALALALA I'M NOT LISTENING" "welp time to go" Tidus revs up and sprints through the connecting chamber, when the floor falls out from under him. "well at least i landed in this nice... CLOISTER OF TRIALS?!" Tidus flops back down to the ground. "fuck my life" He solves baby puzzles and heads outside. "hey did you kill maester seymour" "n-" "YA MON WE DID AND WE WOULD DO IT AGAIN YA?" "WAKKA YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT" "YEAH AND TIDUS HERE KILLED EM ESPECIALLY HARD MON YA?" "fuck" "RUN AWAY OR SOMETHING?" They run away or something? "WHY DO THEY HAVE A YETI" "why not" They fight a yeti. "well at least it can't get any worse mon ya?" They fall through the ice, landing underwater. "IF FEELING EVER RETURNS TO MY BODY I WILL KILL WAKKA" "game doesn't allow you to" "FUCK MY LIFE"

LRYBDUIN AEKRDDAAH:
"we're gonna die down here aren't we" "probably" "fuck" "oh hey singing" "OH FUCK MON I LOVE DIS SONG YA?" Wakka sings along to the Hymn of the Fayth out of key. "MAKE IT STOP" "gladly" Sin appears and washes everyone away.
"where am i" Tidus looks around, seeing nothing but desert. "welp" Tidus steps out of his oasis, and comes face-to-face with a giant bird thing. "what" "here i am to save the day or something?" Auron runs over and hacks at the bird. "welp" The bird dies. "TIDUS WE HAVE TO FIND THE OTHERS" "i'd rather not" "TIDUS" Auron grabs Tidus by the shoulders. "WE. HAVE. TO. FIND. THE. OTHERS." "whatever" Eventually, Tidus and Auron find most everyone else. "head count" "six" "we're one short" "please let it be wakka" "i sure hope it isn't wakka mon ya?" "FUCK" "it's yuna btw" "fuck" "GUESS WE'VE GOT TO GO FIND HER" "maybe we should try that burning rubble" "WHAT" Rikku runs off, and the others follow. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED" "rikku it was the best party" "WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOO" "everyone else is dead" Cid coughs. "party hard" Cid collapses and is dragged aboard the airship. "obtw when yuna saves the world she dies" "WHAT" "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHEN YUNA PERFORMS THE FINAL SUMMONING SHE WILL DIE" "..." "..." "WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS I MADE A HUGE ASS OUT OF MYSELF ALL THIS TIME AND YOU NEVER STOPPED ME" "it was funny to watch" "YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST FRIENDS EVER" Rikku shrugs. "oh hey by the way they took yuna to bevelle" "NEXT STOP: BEVELLE" "fine whatever"

LRYBDUIN HEHADAAH:
"so how do we crash this um..." Rikku looks down at the crowd gathered around the front steps. "wedding?" "WEDDING?! I LOVE WEDDINGS" Tidus leaps onto a power line and grinds down. "that looks incredibly unsafe" "it did look fun though" "sigh" The rest of the party grinds after Tidus. "oh fuck i can't see the bride" Tidus stands on his toes to get a better look. "nope still can't see" "give me a boost" Tidus lifts Rikku over his head. "oh hey yuna's getting married to seymour" "oh man i can't see it" Tidus rushes through the crowd. "what are you doing here" "no carry on i love weddings" The Yevon guards point their guns at Tidus. "what" "can't a guy just watch two people get married" "NO" "hey stop" Yuna takes out her staff. "bro don't try it" "okay" Yuna jumps off a cliff and falls to her death except she doesn't because she summoned some kind of bird thing. "that was convenient"

LRYBDUIN DFAHDO:
"so like for the crime of wedding-crashing i sentence you to eternity in the PITS OF DESPAIR" "what" "there's more than one pit of despair?" "well there's the standard one but it's filled with water so if you can't swim we offer an alternative which is no less desparaging" "i see" The floor falls out from under the party, sending them to their respective pits.
"well rikku i guess it's just you and me" "what about wakka mon ya?" "fuck off wakka" "no ya?" "fuck" "oh hey look a zombie dragon" "oh fuck mon we're in for a tough fight ya?" "HA" Tidus and Rikku throw Phoenix Downs at the zombie dragon, killing it. "WELP LET'S GO"
"well it looks like i'm alone" "HEY OVER HERE YUNA IT'S ME" "fuck" Yuna reunites with Auron, Lulu and the blue guy, and they head out. "hey it's me" "who" "i'm voiced by quinton flynn" "... JACK" Yuna collapses at Jack's feet. "do you know what tomorrow is" "tuesday" "it's sunday" "..." Jack sweats. "well this is awkward" "btw i went into your room" "WHAT" "IT WAS EMPTY LIKE YOUR SOUL" "yes" "just thought you should know" Jack and Yuna nod at eachother.

LRYBDUIN DFAHDO-UHA:
"hey it's me seymour" "fuck off seymour" "no" "fuck" "look what i can do" Seymour morphs into an ungodly abomination. "so no change at all then" "zing" "my delicate feelings" Seymour sits and cries for a while. "psst we should use this opportunity to ESCAPE" "okay" They do that thing Rikku mentioned.
"AH HERE WE ARE THE CALMLANDS" "HEY WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE A CHOCOBO TO TRY TO EARN A PIECE OF TIDUS' ULTIMATE WEAPON" "FUCK YES" Tidus mounts his chocobo and takes it through some easy trials. "now to get this sun sigil you need to beat this race against me with a total time of..." A drumroll is heard. "ZERO SECONDS" "WHAT" "hitting balloons lowers your time but getting hit by a bee both stuns you for a second AND adds a penalty" "sigh" Tidus tries for hours to no avail. "COME ON THIS IS EASY" "not really" "0/10" "not even trolling" "but hey it's okay" The chocobo trainer leans in closer. "it's just an ultimate weapon" "fuck my life"

LYRBDUIN DFAHDO-DFU:
"here we are sacred mountain and shit" "HEY KIMAHRI YOU'RE PRETTY GAY" "am not" "ARE TOO" "LET'S FIGHT THESE GUYS GUYS" "no kimahri must fight alone" "BUT I'VE NEVER USED YOU IN COMBAT AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXISTED UNTIL FIVE MINUTES AGO" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" The battle is long and boring, but Kimahri prevails somehow, and gains a hundred levels. "hey look what we can do" The ronso sing the Hymn of the Fayth. "wow this is exciting i bet only fifteen towns have been destroyed while you sing" "i know right"
"so i've been thinking" "uh-oh" "we're on a high mountain and there is snow all over" "and?" "logistically, only kimahri and maybe auron shouldn't be dying of the cold, since the rest of us are dressed for a tropical holiday" "um" "rikku is wearing a tanktop and short shorts, lulu's boobs are hanging out like it's fucking mardi gras, wakka is wearing some kind of gangster barbeque outfit, yuna's wearing a dress and a fucking bandage on her torso, and i'm fucking wearing an open half-shirt and overall shorts" "tidus... my dress is made of belts" "WHICH OFFER NO PROTECTION FROM THE COLD" "sigh" "tidus the reason we are not frozen is because our clothes are magic" "BACK IN THE RUINS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME I WAS FREEZING COLD AND THERE WAS NO SNOW WHY AM I NOT DEAD" "because i enchanted your clothes while you were sleeping" "WHAT" "..." "HOW DARE YOU THAT IS SUCH AN INVASION OF MY PRIVACY" "fuck my life" "HEY IT'S ME SEYMOUR" "what the fuck" "i have come to get my revenge" "again?!" "bear my arctic blast" "no" "fuck" Seymour sweats. "well see you in another couple of levels" "it's a date" Tidus waves as Seymour flies off.

LYRBDUIN DFAHDO-DRNAA:
"HEY TIDUS GUESS WHAT" "what" "YOU'RE A GHOST" "wat" "we summoned you to do shit we were too lazy to" "sounds fair"
"hey look it's zanarkand" "hey guys let's go crash in my pad" "tidus there is no time" "i have an 151-inch plasma screen television with two and a half men taped" "okay maybe there is time"
"hey guys look at me i'm the legendary yunalesca" "hello" "now bro choose a friend to sacrifice to become the next sin" "wat" "I NOMINATE KIMAHRI" "fuck off tidus" "no" "fuck" "i refuse to choose anyone" "you sound mad" "but i'm not" "that's exactly what someone who is madly buttfrustrated to the point of single tears would say" "it is also what someone who is not mad would say" "0/10" "not even trolling" "hey guess what" "what" Yunalesca turns the entire party into zombies. "party time" Yunalesca casts Holy, killing everyone instantly. "welp"

LYRBDUIN DFAHDO-VUIN:
"how did we get aboard the airship" "shrug" "OKAY IT IS TIME TO DEFEAT SIN" "NOWAIT now that we have the airship we can revisit places we've already been and collect the ULTIMATE WEAPONS" "sounds gay me brudda ya?" "yours is a ball with all kinds of blades and shit on it" "..." "..." "fuck it let's go ya?" The party goes to random areas, collecting shitty weapons, books, sigils, crests, and a magic mirror. "mirror mirror in my hand; who's the coolest in the land" "due to being calm says this mirra'; auron is the coolest guy in spira" "hmm that answer is fair; but tell me who is second there" "a lady who's the master of all tutorials here; we all know rikku is the one who i'd buy a beer" "WHAT" Tidus chucks the magic mirror away. "you seem mad" "sorry i can't concentrate when IT'S TIME FOR SPORTS" Lightning crackles in the background.

LYRBDUIN DFAHDO-VEJA:
"WELCOME BACK TO SPORTS WITH BOB AND STEVE" "TODAY WE HAVE A SERIES OF CHAMPIONSHIPS THAT TIDUS MUST UNDERTAKE TO GET ALL OF WAKKA'S ULTIMATE STUFF" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "HEY GUESS WHAT BOB" "WHAT IS IT BOB" "I'M STEVE" "ZERO OUT OF TEN" "IT APPEARS THAT TIDUS IS GOING AROUND SPIRA RECRUITING TEAM MEMBERS" "THAT'S CHEATING BOB" "NOT REALLY BOB" "HIS TEAM DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE FROM THE PLACE IT'S REPRESENTING" "THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL WANKERS BOB" "WANKERS THOUGH THEY MAY BE THE FANS FROM BESAID WILL HATE THE TEAM NOW" "THAT IS A TOTAL OF FOUR PEOPLE BOB" "SHRUG" "THE POLITICS OF SPORTS ARE TRICKY BUT TIDUS DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT; YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE THAT BOB" "NOT REALLY" "COME ON BOB DON'T BE LAME" "TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE BOB" "I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM STEVE" "THAT WOULD BE TRUE EXCEPT THAT YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE SAYS 'BOB' ON IT" "THAT IS YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE BOB" "FUCK OFF BOB" "NO" "FUCK"