Today, the long-awaited Genkibowl VII add-on for Saints Row the Third came out. The question burning on many people (probably just Purple)'s mind(s) is: is it any good?
Short answer, yes. Long answer, yes, but...
The premise is simple: Professor Genki of Professor Genki's Super Ethical Reality Climax is hosting the seventh Genkibowl. You have been chosen as the contestant. There are four events, sort of.
The first is a reskin of Super Ethical Reality Climax, but with SHARKS. FUCKING SHARKS. Also, the second level of it starts you without a gun. Oops.
The second is a reskin of Escort, where you have to keep the professor away from overzealous fans while, you know, killing people. This is accomplished by running them over until you can power THE FLAMETHROWER. After the professor is satisfied, you take him to a clothing store and you're done.
The third is a reskin of Tank Mayhem, only kind of shitty. Not shitty as in "I hate my life" shitty, but shitty as in your ball of yarn can only go into two directions. And since it's, you know, a ball, you can't tell which direction it's facing, causing you to get stuck and end your combo. Luckily, you get four shockwaves which let you destroy pretty much everything in a fifty-foot radius.
The last is original! Basically, you dive from rooftop to rooftop, hitting balloons to keep you aloft. On the roofs, you must kill mascots with a chainsaw to get MONEY. There are also rings to fly through or something.
Also, the ending cutscene uses the first mission's cheap tactic of using one voice actor with his voice being modified. Fuck.
NOTE: I got all ten achievements/100 gamerscore.
Feeding Time (feed five mascots to the shark in one round): Harder than it sounds, since my guy would always overthrow and they'd get killed on the rocks. You don't have to win the round to get this.
Murder in the Jungle (finish both locations of Apocalypse Genki): Just what it says on the tin. If you've already beaten the game, this should be a cakewalk.
SUPER ETHICAL P.R. OPPORTUNITY
Get Off My Back (destroy five crazed fan vehicles in one round): Run over pedestrians until you get flamethrowers, then use them on the vehicles. You'll get five in no time. You don't have to win the round to get this.
Cooked to Perfection (kill fifty pedestrians with the Genkimobile's flamethrowers in one round): All you need to do is drive alongside the sidewalk and torch anything that moves. You don't have to win the round to get this.
SEXY KITTY YARNGASM:
Storm the Yarn (destroy a mouse): You'll likely get this by accident. You don't have to win the round to get this.
C-C-C-Combo Breaker (get a $150,000 combo): Ugh. I kept getting $149,000 combos. My advice is to save your shockwaves for when you're caught on something. Try to get your
combat multiplier even higher combo meter past 100 or so. You don't have to win the round to get this.
SAD PANDA SKYBLAZING:
Flame On (fly through all the rings in one round): It's much easier than it sounds. They follow a set route, and if you just go for them, you can hit them all without using any balloons. You don't have to win the round to get this.
Stick the Landing (land in the goal area in the first round): A child could do this. The rings lead there, but you don't have to hit them. You can just go straight for it. You don't have to win the round to get this.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (kill all the mascots on the roofs in one round): Don't waste ANY balloons. You'll likely need them all. Be cautious around the vehicle cannons, since they can FUCK YOU UP. They don't launch you high enough to circle back around to the roof. Don't sprint near them. This could take SEVERAL tries. You don't have to win the round to get this, but you will anyway, since they give you all the points you need.
Genkibowl Champ (complete all events): It's easy to win. Just do everything and you'll get your ceremony.
The rewards for this are:
ANGRY TIGER MASK
SAD PANDA SUIT
SEXY KITTY MASK
ANGRY TIGER HOMIE
SAD PANDA HOMIE
SEXY KITTY HOMIE
THE ANNOUNCER CHICK HOMIE
CHEAPY D HOMIE
RESKINNED DECKERS/MORNING STAR CARS IN PINK
PROFESSOR GENKI'S CAR
In the end, I'd rate Genkibowl VII a VII out of X.