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 Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] THE MOVIE

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Jakeyadventure
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] THE MOVIE   Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:04 pm

JAKEY is sitting at a table eating a bowl of buttered spaghetti and drinking a glass of arsenic. JAKEY grabs the salt shaker and begins unleashing a downpour of salt on the helpless buttered spaghetti.

????: HELP AND SHIT

JAKEY runs outside, salt shaker still in hand.

JAKEY: WHAT'S UP BRO

EIF: SNAILS

A horde of vicious SNAILS inches towards the town.

JAKEY: SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT

SNAIL ONE: YOUR MOTHER IS A VERY NICE LADY

SNAIL TWO: I HEAR SHE IS AN EXCELLENT COOK

JAKEY: THAT TEARS IT

JAKEY charges at the horde of SNAILS, salt shaker at the ready.

EIF: DON'T DO IT BRO

JAKEY pops the top off of the salt shaker and chucks it at the SNAIL HORDE.

SNAIL ONE: OW FUCK OW BURNING OW

SNAIL TWO: OUCH WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

SNAIL THREE: HELP ME

The SNAILS melt to the ground, leaving behind only their shells. EIF runs up to JAKEY.

EIF: DUDE i totally thought those snails were gonna kill you!!!

JAKEY: pfft it's gonna take a lot more than some overly polite snails to take me down

END SCENE

JAKEY stretches as he wakes up at the crack of noon.


JAKEY: wow why did i get up so early

????: OH GOD HELP OH GOD

JAKEY runs outside and sees an angry mob of vicious SNAILS.

JAKEY: OH SHIT

SNAIL FOUR: we are not leaving this spot until someone constructs a memorial for our departed friends!!!

JAKEY: MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME NEVER TO GIVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE

JAKEY grabs his garden hose and hooks it up to the salt silo.

JAKEY: generic action phrase!!!

JAKEY sprays salt all over the angry mob of SNAILS.

SNAIL FOUR: JESUS CHRIST THE PAIN OW

SNAIL FIVE: MILD DISCOMFORT NOOOOOOOOOOOO

JAKEY stops spraying as soon as all the SNAILS lie dead. EIF and BRAN exit their respective houses.

EIF: jesus fucking christ stop attention-seeking

BRAN: yeah i'm like the king and stuff and i haven't gotten any screen time

JAKEY: um this is a prequel

BRAN: wat

JAKEY: you're not king yet

BRAN: fuck my life

END SCENE

A horde of SNAILS parks outside JAKEY's house.


JAKEY: fuck off please

SNAIL SIX: we have called the police!!!

STING: hello

JAKEY: hello

STING: how do you explain this

JAKEY hands STING a document explaining castle law.

JAKEY: since they're on my property i can use excessive force

STING: looks good to me

SNAIL SIX: fuck

JAKEY takes out his salt revolver.

JAKEY: time for you to escar-GO

STING: that was awful

JAKEY: like you could do better

JAKEY sprays the SNAILS full of salt, killing them all.

JAKEY: yo sting i had this great idea for a song it's a story about the thousand rainy days since we first met

STING: go on

JAKEY: like, there's a big enough umbrella but it's always me that ends up getting wet and shit

STING: sounds good

END SCENE

JAKEY heads outside to find the SNAIL ARMY outside his house.


JAKEY: so... this is it, huh

SNAIL COMMANDER: sure

JAKEY rips out his salt shaker revolvers as the SNAIL ARMY rushes towards him. JAKEY fires all of his salt at the SNAIL ARMY, killing half. The other half force JAKEY to the ground and slither over him.

JAKEY: i regret nothing!!!

JAKEY dies in a pool of the SNAILS' mucous.

EIF: eeewww

BRAN: hey wanna go play mario kart

EIF: okay but only if i get to be luigi

BRAN: oh come on you're always luigi

EIF: i'm not playing if i can't be luigi

THE END
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