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 My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3

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MaxVenture
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:28 pm

40

Killing Floor

Developer: Tripwire Interactive

Hah funny, they explode.
SO to be fair, Killing floor is like left 4 dead's survival mode more succesfull brother.
Its a cheap game. Its fun to play from time to time. But I have no friends so it bored me quite fast.
The enemies are always the same and so are the weapons. Nothing really exciting ever happens.
The skins of the enemies do however change sometimes. Like during christmas or summer.
The game has classes you can chose, every class has these abilities no one ever uses anyway.
Some have a special weapon you need to get money for, you get money by killing zombies.
This is a nice time to say. Every time you start a new game its all gone. Its just working that way.
The experience you gain for your chosen class stays, but i dont really see the point in leveling up since i dont see what really improves.
BASICALLY its meant to be a fun happy FPS you can just play without reason to just have FUN.
No extra game modes.

tl;dr: people who say that they arent zombies are retarded they are they just sometimes have super mega powers

6/10
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:23 pm

41

Knights of Honor

developer: Black Sea Studios

Oh who am i kiddin. None of you know this title or are even remotely interested.

7/10
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MaxVenture
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:13 pm

42 + 43

Left 4 Dead + Left 4 dead 2

Developer: Valve

I will just concetenate these cause they are almost the same.
Left 4 Dead is fun i say, played it countless hours. unless your team is so fucking retarded the game immidiatly is shit.
so its very depandant on your team, also your connection, a little lag and party is fucking over.
This is the only full budget big release game i know of that succeeded in making a linear as fuck game with no real story replayable as hell.
Pretty impressive. Left 4 dead 1 was dark, I liked that, sometimes you could barely see. It was hard even on normal sometimes, if you didnt strategically get rid of the TAAAANKS. Wich was a problem with the game, its like walking walking walking and more walking, killing some standing still zombies, sometimes horde comes you just go into a corner and deal with them, sometimes a special infected, save the idiot and keep on walking. real easy.
BUT THEN. TAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!!!!! and everyone is dead. yeah great, real nice difficulty curve.
Either way when you learned to flame the fucking tank and hit him in the head with all 4 at once hes dead like in seconds. The ending chapters where you need to get to escape vehicle but first wait for its arrival, is quite adrenaline rushing. you never know where the tank comes into the house and slam you to pieces.
It keeps tension with its music and soundeffects.
nicely done.

but then, left 4 dead 2
new weapons and Melee weapons, sweet.
wait, why is it daylight everywhere?
new special infected, sweet.
wait why is rochelle such a cunt?
As you see theres some hit and miss here. I liked the melee weapons and the chainsaw and all that stuff. the game was alot harder than the first one.
but all of the chapters are mostly in fucking DAYLIGHT. it TOTALLY lost its atmosphere by doing that.
I like coach the most, nick is abit of a bore, ellis is okay. rochelle is just not interesting at all.
I never played this game much. I never bothered to. this game is basically like a big expansion.

Left 4 dead 1 was its own thing and it was good, a fresh thing at that time for zombie games.
If it had those special infected and melee weapons and other weapons in 1 with the same atmosphere. it might have been the best thing ever regarding these genre games.
but im not sure of that.

tl;dr: Dont make left 4 dead 3

1 = 8/10
2 = 6/10

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MaxVenture
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:41 pm

44

Limbo

Developer: Playdead

This is the first game made by this indie game developer.
Its okay i say for only 16 people making this.
But i give credit where credit is due.
I saw indie developers making bigger and better games than this with less experience and less people.

So onto the game itself. I say I like the pretentious artstyle, not because its black and white really. I always liked this kidsshow where i saw something alike and i was ins-
WHILE THAT IS GOING ON. its just nice on the eyes. BUT NOT ALWAYS sometimes it makes this light sources pulsate abit and that gives me a fucking headache.
I like how they made it so that its not really for that young kids as its like ''lalala walking through the woods climbing things climbing ropes OMG MY HEAD WAS JUST CHOPPED OFF'' so it has minor very minor gore in it. its black and white so you can barely see it, so a kid wont know any better except for the SPLATCH soundeffect with it.
The idea of horror is... meh. The spider first is like okay scary big spider. gives the right tension. but the rest of the game is not so much.
Except for the moment when you THINK ur at the end and its like BAM BUG IN YOUR HEAD UR WALKING THE OTHER DIRECTION AND YOU CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT!
FRUSTRATION!
Anyway, the controlls are okay since theres like just walking, jumping and holding/operating something buttons wich is like only 2 buttons and the thumbstick in total. it works swift. the physics are perfect too.
NO REPLAYABILITY WHATSOEVER.

tl;dr: shredd is pretentious

6/10
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MaxVenture
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:21 pm

45

Machinarium

Developer: Amanita Design

YOU CANT GET MORE INDIE THAN THIS. this guy worked alone to make some pretty great point and click games
Before he made this, he made samorost 1 and 2 wich are free to play all the way somewhere around here on the web.
I did pay for samorost 2 on steam tho. Cause i support this hipster.
Anyway. I just love this artwork that this game uses. It looks like its all handdrawn. maybe it is. i doubt it but whatever.
LOOKS GOOD.
The soundtrack wich he ALSO made himself is also pretty good. Really blends in with the game.
The game is your standard point and click game. Small public for this genre but im one of the few left who actually likes this.
It has your great puzzle solving and practical puzzle solving combined without making your head spin too much.
Theres no need to backtrack too much wich makes it all alot easier to know what items you use for whatever obstacle is in the way.
Controlls are piss easy as with most point and click games.
Theres NO dialogue in this game, wich for me is pretty cool. They make clear what people want by drawing a THINKING BUBBLE (like in a comic omgomgomg)
Its easy enough to know what people are trying to say, if you dont know ur just fucking stupid.
The story is simple but done so cutely you dont care its so easy story writing.
You are a robot you were thrown out robot city for some reason, you need to get back in and save your robot girlfriend from evil robots. And also save the robot king.
Did i mention there are no people in this game only robots?
I fucking liked it

tl;dr: Robots are done the best in this game

9/10 because its INDIE and im fucking hipster
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:00 am

46

Magicka

Developer: Paradox

Jesus christ this game has more dlc than ANY GAME EVER. There are 5 now and 2 more upcoming. and i bet that wont be all.
These are content dlc not at all weapons and outfit packs.
Anyway I say the game is fun. IF (again) you have friends you can fucking play it with.
On release this game was a fucking mess. It was like a beta. Lag issues, random crashes. basically like most game releases.
I think games should FUCKING STOP DOING THAT AND RELEASE A GAME WHEN ITS FINISHED NOT WHILE ITS STILL BASICALLY A BETA
Looking at you sword of the stars 2, motherfucker
So this game is a top down view adventure game. You are a wizzard with no real identity. you can just pick a colour robe. You have a sword and a staff and you can switch these with stafs and swords and other weapons you find on your journey. thats all for the element that can change.
Then theres your magic, you have 8 elements i think. Water, fire, ice, earth, arcane, lightning, shield, and healing. You can make all kinds of awesome combos with this stuff its amazing. thousands of em. some of them are really cool. You can combine 5 elements in 1 spell. the more elements you add the more powerfull, but it takes abit more time unless ur asian. Also when you have alot of elements in your query you walk alot slower, so you mostly wont always keep it in.
You can use spells like normal as in spraying fire or a beam of arcane stuff like that. but also cast it on yourself wich damages urself or heal yourself or shield yourself.
You can also use area casting, wich means the spell will be cast all around you, like in I AM A GIGANTIC FAGGOT PLEASE RAPE MY FACE 2 with the fire you can just spam forever. pretty fucking neat.
ALSO! you can use it on your weapon, wich mostly are swords anyway. wich is pretty cool. basically make it a flame sword stuff like that. or like cast a wall of fire in front of you. OR LIGHTNING all good stuff.
then above all that theres the spellbooks. here and there on your travels you can find spellbooks. wich contain pretty awesome spells. it shows you what elements you need to combine in what order to do some awesome spell that changes the way you move or the weather or just does something else awesome.
examples are hasting yourself, teleporting, summoning a phoenix, rain, blizzard, meteorite shower.
NOW the main story is very simple, save the world and defeat the evil.
The game doesnt have much story telling but it has more than in fucking limbo. the setting is, hilarious. the way they talk what they talk about. its all very funny.
Theres like a billion references in this game, from other games and movies that are actually DONE GOOD!
however i played it with not much of an interesting person so i was bored quickly. its fucking hard to play it alone.
And when playing together, theres one thing that bugs the shit out of everyone. ALL POSSIBLE FOUR PLAYERS MUST BE ON THE SAME SCREEN. you CANT wander off from the group.

tl;dr: magick ninjas with guns. sound fun, but could be better.

7/10
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:33 pm

For a different kind of review i make a list of some games you should play even if its so fucking cheap like a dollar you still shouldnt buy it.
Some of these got high ratings on different review sites but still thats just pretentiousness or flat out lies.
Ill give a short few reasons with each one.

1: Dear Esther
this game gets so high rated and FUCK THAT.
you walk. you walk you just fucking walk. nothing else. no running ducking or any interaction. It tells a story via a monologue that is so, weird so hard to understand.
Its just a bunch of metaphors with more metaphors in them and you have no idea what the fuck he is talking about. The visuals are okay. not as mind bogling as people say.
I paid 10 bucks for this piece of crap and i want my money back.

2: The Void
OH MY GOOOOD THIS FUCKING SHIT IS SLOWER THAN THE INTROS OF DRAGON AGE ORIGINS.
And if thats not enough, you get this monotone bitch bitching in your ear about colours. it has a weird story that i still dont understand. A gameplay mechanic that i also still dont understand. but basically its about colours and you being dead. Only upside is that there is some naked boobies in here. Once again the ratings are high for this game

the void and dear esther just pissed me off

3: Iron Warriors T-72 Tank Command
This game. Just doesnt work. I cant even drive the fucking thing forward. I tried every button i tried everything. It just doesnt work.

4: Any of the XCOM games.
You need to be a rocket scientist knowing how the fuck it works. I tried 4 of the 5 older ones. Its just so detailed so much text ah jesus text everywhere. items here items there. missions, owait crew members, o shit gotta do the gear. O damn i gotta build the base. O damn wich base did i do that. Wait how do i attack.
Its just a game where you have to have the manual in your face all the time else you just dont know what to do.

5: Need for speed Shift
you cant drive here. its no fun. Just no fun. it tries the realistic way of driving like forza but goes overboard and makes it too hard to be any way of fun.
Shift 2 is probably the same.

6: Any brothers in arms game besides Hells Highway.
Its impossible to shoot anyone. In metal gear you can take stuff to ease your aim. but here its like shooting a clay pidgeon in a rollercoaster.
You waste all your ammo i swear i cant pass the first level of road ot hill 60

7: tom clancy's ghost recon advanced warfighter 1 and 2.
They are not very interesting at all. And they are hard. and when you die there isnt a fine closeby checkpoint no. with fun long loadtimes and controls that are kinda hard to understand this game isnt a pick up and play fun thing.

save your money and dont buy these titles. Its a waste of money either way.

thats all for now wavin\' goodbye
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:27 pm

LIES
X-Com UFO Defense is amazing.
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:00 pm

i played graw 2 once

it was pretty fun
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PostSubject: Re: My uninteresting reviews for interesting people. introduction and 1 2 3   Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:55 pm

because everyone is dead i cant hurt anyone with these pointless reviews

so here it goes

DOUBLE FINE DAY

now time for some double fine titles

Psychonauts

We all know this. Its amazing, just great really. I was wrestling with the camera from time to time untill i noticed theres an option to turn off that forced camera angle.
This game is quite brilliant. The characters are Brilliant each and every one of them,. The dialog is funny. The story is okay. Graphics for that year are great too and even today I find it appealing. The whole art design is just right same with the music. I have no complaints about this game.

10/10

tl;dr: Buy it, play it

Costume Quest

I didnt think much at first. And being not a big fan of turn based combat it was hard to get into at first.
But surprise surprise, its a fun game. The controls on the PC version were abit weird but that isnt an issue since you can remap them all.
The story is nothing special but still interesting enough to keep you going. The gameplay mechanics in the "exploration mode" and "battle mode" are quite unique and work perfectly. With great extras to help in battles such as battle stamps and picking the right costume to face a particular enemy, makes you think in tactics.
The only downside is, theres no voice. I know its supposed to be in the whole design of the game wich is abit cartoonish. Still I'd like to hear them talk instead of reading speech bubbles.

8/10

tl;dr: Fun for 1

Iron Brigade

This is your ordinairy defense game mode. Like horde mode/firefight/anarchy/blablabla endurance mode into a whole game.
This game is small, you will not play this alone, if you do its boring as hell. And the enemies are quite boring too. So its manditory to play with friends.
Now fun things are. you can deploy towers to help in battle. From your standard shooting ones to buffs and debuffs towers. You can customize your mech (trench)
quite in detail, what kind of weapons you use and what kind of towers you are able to deploy. Legs, core, skin and your marine are all customizable.
This game likes to show of how manly men can be wich is funny. Like most double fine titles theres a hint of some humour with that.
Fun game but only with friends.

6/10

tl:dr: sanctum but not as boring

Stacking

Now I was reallyyyyyy sceptical about this. And a slow startup of 15 minutes before knowing what the game is about and what it tries to do, does not help.
BUT, its fun! It is about solving puzzles, but instead of using certain items to solve them like in most games, this one focused on characters. Every person (doll) has its own ability. by stacking into this person you can use his ability untill you stack into someone else or stack out again. These abilities are quite diverse and help you in difference situations. They can be playing violin or farting or coughing, all kinds of stuff. Every puzzle has multiple ways to solve them so you are free to think in what way you want to solve it.
Now the story is once again, quite simple but still interesting because you want to save your family. The whole artwork of the game combined with the music is trying to imply that 19th century feel. As there is no voice dialogue it also uses that oldschool showing text for speech. Wich has its charm, but also slows the game down to an irritating rate.

7/10

tl;dr: TRY, its fun!
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