Anders acting like Anders: an appendix

1:
Varric: So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar...
Anders: The human says, "You're lucky you're so short. That hurt like mad!"
Varric: You could have just stopped me, Blondie.
Anders: Why waste a perfectly good set-up?

2:
Anders: Boiling in oil.
Varric: Too prosaic. Trapped in a cave with hungry bears, right at the spring thaw.
Anders: That lets him off too easy. Dipped in molten gold and left as a statue in the Viscount's Keep.
Varric: Ooh. That's poetic!
Hawke: What are you two talking about?
Varric: What to do to Bartrand when I find him.
Anders: Any suggestions?

3:
Anders: So you married a templar, huh?
Aveline: What of it?
Anders: Are they all as dirty as they seem?
Aveline: What?
Anders: Did he ever ask you to play “the naughty mage and the helpless recruit?” Maybe the “secret desire demon and the upstanding knight?”
Aveline: That's disgusting!
Anders: I hear it's quite popular.

4:
Anders: Do you ever miss Ferelden?
Aveline: Of course! It was home. I would never have left willingly.
Aveline: But I'm not going to be my father and spend my life trying to live a memory.
Anders: I didn't think I'd give it a second thought once I was gone. I mean, what did Ferelden ever do for me?
Anders: But I do. I think about it. There's something here that just doesn't feel right.
Aveline: You mean how mages are treated?
Anders: No... I think there's not enough dog shit.

5:
Anders: So, I never expected to be palling around with the captain of the guard.
Aveline: We're not "pals."
Anders: We're not? What about that time we painted each other's toenails?
Aveline: Do you want something?
Anders: Love, life, and liberty. What more does a man need?
Aveline: You're in a jolly mood.
Anders: Well, when you're here, I know you're not leading men into Darktown to arrest me.

6:
Anders: I suppose you're just thrilled how the knight-commander's basically stepped into the viscount's seat?
Aveline: She can't stall the process forever. It's not her place.
Aveline: Leaving the viscount's seat empty will just tempt people to fight for it. It will cause more trouble than it prevents.
Anders: Well. You've got a brain in there after all.
Anders: I was convinced that headband was to keep it from falling out.

7:
Aveline: I have to admit, Anders. Of the mages I know, you're the one I expected to go out in a blaze.
Anders: The day is young.

8:
Anders: Nice day to be planning a trip into the Deep Roads, don't you think?
Anders: The Blight, the dampness, the festering darkness filled with tainted rats...
Carver: Shut up.
Anders: You've got a real chip on your shoulder, you know?
Carver: I've got a big blade on my shoulder, magey.
Anders: Right. Wonder what you're compensating for.

9:
Anders: So, there must be mages in Tevinter that don't use blood magic.
Fenris: Of course. There are slaves. The magisters do not hesitate to collar their own kind.
Anders: But no magisters?
Fenris: Why must you go on about this? No magister would turn down an advantage over his rivals. If he did, he'd be dead.
Anders: You know, to use blood magic you must look a demon in the eye and accept his offer.
Anders: I just figured some of them would say no. For aesthetic reasons, if nothing else.

10:
Fenris: Is there something you want, Anders?
Anders: You really don't have the temperament for a slave.
Fenris: Is that a compliment or an insult?
Anders: I'm just wondering how your master didn't kill you.
Fenris: How have the templars not killed you?
Anders: I'm charming.

11:
Anders: What makes this relic of yours so valuable?
Isabela: The same thing that makes anything valuable. Someone's willing to pay for it.
Anders: That's not evasive.
Isabela: Look, I didn't get where I am by showing my hand, you know?
Anders: No, you're hand isn't what I hear you've been showing.

12:
Merrill: You could get another cat, you know. There's one in the Lowtown market with a litter of kittens ready to wean.
Anders: You don't pay attention to templars, Qunari or politics, but you notice kittens?
Merrill: Templars, Qunari, and politics don't meow and attack your feet when you're buying food.
Anders: Are there any tabbies? I'd like a tabby.

13:
Anders: Is that supposed to be Andraste's face on your crotch?
Sebastian: What?
Anders: That... belt buckle thing. Is that Andraste?
Sebastian: My father had this armor commissioned when I took my vows as a brother.
Anders: I'm just not sure I'd want the Maker seeing me shove His bride's head between my legs every morning.

14:
Anders: Now that I'm living here there isn't room for you in the bed. Do you understand?
Dog: (Whines)
Anders: That won't work on me. I'm a cat person. Cheer up, old boy. Maybe you can bunk with Sandal!
Sandal: Enchantment!
Dog: (Happy bark!)

15:
"No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking."

16:
"A wizard did it." (to Bartrand, after he enquires about the Deep Roads maps)

17:
(To Hawke's dog) "Be a real pet! Ignore me until you want something then sit on my head."

18:
"Andraste's flaming knickers!"

19:
Hawke: So I shouldn't slit my wrists and dance naked under the moonlight just to fit in?
Anders: I would pay to see that!

20:
Anders: Hawke was a fool to let you move in. You'll only betray him/her. That's all your kind can do.
Merrill: Why do you only do this to me? Are you jealous? You don't get upset about Hawke and Isabela.
Anders: You can't really get jealous of someone for sleeping with Isabela. It's just...understood.
Anders: She's like a side dish. She comes with the meal.

Plus meeting Nathaniel again and talking to Varric about Blackmarsh makes 22. hoora