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 jakey's life: an essay no one should read

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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:53 pm

I NEED TO GET THIS OUT GAH

I don't remember much before kindergarten, but I remember moving up to Maine from New Hampshire. We lived in an apartment complex, and moved to a nice house of our own. I don't remember the apartment well, but the house was really nice. It wasn't perfect, but it worked super-well for what I needed.
And also of note, I had a problem with laughing until I pissed myself until midway through eighth grade. I tried super-hard to hide it past sixth I think people knew, but were too nice to say anything to my face

Kindergarten (age 5):
I was scared at first, being five, but I LOVED kindergarten. I cried the first day because I didn't want to leave. Mostly, I remember the balloons with the letters on them that I can't find on the internet. We spelled our names with them and whatnot; good times. I can't say I remember much, since I was five, but I do remember LOVING THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

Grade one (age 6):
By this time, I knew what I was doing. Made some friends, did some work. I was the best in the class at, well, everything, excluding being humble. We wrote books, and I started my long-standing tradition of STEALING STORIES. No one cared, since I was six. There was a wall where we'd commemorate the loss of teeth, but I didn't lose any of mine until, like, fourth grade or some shit.

Grade two (age 7):
Don't remember much here. I remember having two friends who moved that year, which was pretty lame. One of them, er, did that childish "hate you forever" thing to me. At recess, he and I were in a competition to see who could push a HUGE snowball 100 feet with some other kids, and I abandoned him to help the other guys because I wanted candy I think we sort of made up towards the end, but I'm not sure. Oh, and my "girlfriend" (since kindergarten) stayed back and I never saw her again
Oh, yeah. This was the first year in which I had to ascend THE STAIRCASE It was fucking huge, and I always thought I was gonna fall to my death. Fuck that staircase, man.

Grade three (age 8):
All I remember from this year was a competition we had over a month or two to see who could read the most books by whatever author. I was in the top percentage of Ratatta the class, but I refused to read books I had deemed "gay", which kept me from winning forever.

Grade four (age 9):
This year had two big events. The first was the first time I confessed to liking a girl. It didn't turn out too well, but not horrifically, either. The other thing was we had a PLAY. We did James and the Giant Peach. I was that old man who only appears for, like, four lines. Also, I was wearing those SUPER-COOL PANTS THAT HAD ZIP-OFF LEGS SO THEY TURNED INTO SHORTS, and my zipper got stuck, so I had to hold the pantleg behind me where not many people would see it I REMEMBERED ALL MY LINES, THOUGH

Grade five (age 10):
I remember this year as being REALLY FUCKING GOOD Every morning, we'd get into a circle and play some game, and every Friday afternoon we'd just play games like a man. Also on Friday, we had "electives". I'd always get near last pick, but I remember this one called "Crazy Collectibles" (collectibles is spelled with an I? learn something new every day). This one teacher, Mr. A, I think, would show us all these cool things from the, like, 16th century or something. Pieces of eight fascinated me the most.
That year, I had a couple of good friends who'd come over to my house occasionally, which helped my SELF-ESTEEM I also enjoyed SILENT READING TIME because there were these cool books I liked called, er... Deltora. I forget what they were about DIAMOND EMERALD LAPIS TOPAZ OPAL RUBY AMETHYST PUT THEM IN THE BELT LIEF THE BELT THAT ORDER LIEF DON'T BE A FAGGOT Also, I only had to look up lapis

Grade six (age 11):
Most of my memories of this year are towards the end. My friend, Alec, would come over every day pretty much, since we lived REALLY CLOSE, to play videogames. At the end of the year, most of the grade went to some camp for a week, so a few friends and I got to hang around and do whatever in the school.
Oh, I got braces this year. Hurt like a motherfucker.
Every year, at the end of the year, the school has "field day", where there are some events. Some are sports, some are water-passing shit where the water gets all over, and loads more. In sixth grade, you have to oversee an event yourself. I got one where you passed cups full of water back and forth. Since I was covered in water, I got a TERRIBLE sunburn.
At the middle of field day, there a cookout with beef wellington ensembles with lettuce and hot dogs and whatever. It's super-okay
At the end, the sixth graders have their "GRADUATION PARTY". We watched Are We There Yet? and ran around the field for the final(-ish) time. A single tear is streaming down my cheek at the memory of these events, as I know I will never play on that playground ever again.
Oh, also, we were operating on a system where wen you did something bad, you got a check in your book, and at three, you'd get a note home. Since I was on thin ice as it was for whatever reason, I decided the best course of action would be to FORGE MY MOTHER'S SIGNATURE I was discovered instantly. They gave me a detention and said they'd call my parents, but THEY NEVER DID. THEY NEVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN. I WAS SCARED HALF TO DEATH, AND THEY DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I still haven't told my parents. I really should. Every time I think about it, I feel really guilty. It's been six years, but, Christ, what would they say?

Grade seven (age 12):
The very first day, I headed to home room, got my schedule and buried it in my stuff. When the first bell rang, I followed a homeroommate, and made a fool of myself. No one told me I wouldn't be following these kids. No one told me I'd be different. So I asked for directions to my class twice from two different people, and took ages to find it. NO ONE TOLD ME TO GO OUTSIDE. FUCK YOU, ADULTS. I made it before class ended, but just barely.
In seventh grade, I had no idea what to do with myself. I had very few friends, I got made fun of, it was just bad. I'd say this was the low point of my school career, but that comes later.

Grade eight (age 13):
I knew what to do by now. I got most everything right, except I forgot how to read. WRONG ROOM WRONG ROOM WRONG ROOM And at the end of the day, too. Christ.
Before Kwanzaa break, I got suspended for PUNCHING PEOPLE BY MOONLIGHT Not my best idea.
Over Kwanzaa break, they finished work on the new school. In January, we headed over there. It was the best learning centre I've ever been in, and I only got it for half a year. It was really nice, with completely new furniture and stuff. It probably looks like shit now, though.
In Feburary during SILENT READING CLASS, I had "my" laptop out, and registered for GHG. Worst Best decision of my life, definitely.
At the end of the year, my SILENT READING CLASS wrote plays, since reading is boring. We acted them out for the other classes. I was the narrator. You should remember my costume.

Freshman year (age 14):
Not many beginning of the year shenanigans, but I couldn't for the life of me find the music room. I walked down every hallway twice before I finally asked for help. Turns out it was outside just before the door to the outside, after all the hallways. Fuck.
Overall, an uneventful year. I had friends, we talked, it was nice. Nothing really important happened. Oh, I got my braces off here.

Sophomore year (age 15):
I was a retard this year. My life was falling apart before my eyes. Everyone hated eachother and was taking everything out on me, which affected me at school. I finally found something to help me cope, A GIRLFRIEND, and it was yanked away after half a month. I started skipping classes, I got super-behind in half of them, and I failed health. I was the biggest retard this year. I hated everyone and everything. Fuck sophomore year, seriously.

Junior year (age 16):
After reconciling with everyone over the summer, I was ready to make up for my past actions. I maintained POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS I can't say I did much that was memorable, but I didn't do anything retarded, besides fail wood tech, but it hasn't proven detrimental yet.

Senior year (age 17):
The school switched to trimesters here. I took full advantage of this, and scheduled all my classes into the first and third. After breezing through the first trimester, I had four months to do absolutely nothing, and that is exactly what I did. Or didn't, I guess. Now I'm back in school, and everything seems fine/easy. I love my life.

The future (age 18):
Over the summer, I finally plan to learn how to drive and get a job. I'll still live at home, but I'll start on the path to WAITING UNTIL I'M 75 AND CAN FINALLY RETIRE Or when I die in WWIII, whichever comes first.
Basically, I've grown A LOT emotionally in the past two years. Now it's time for me to step up and become an adult. Wish me luck.
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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Re: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:58 pm

Now it's time for me to step up and become an adult.
DON'T DO IT JAKEY
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Shreddventure
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PostSubject: Re: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:37 pm

There was a wall where we'd commemorate the loss of teeth, but I didn't lose any of mine until, like, fourth grade or some shit.

Jakey confirmed to be American Shredd
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Dr. Adventure
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Balls : Fun to suckle on for hours and hours
Jakey : give me the diamonds
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PostSubject: Re: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Sat Apr 02, 2011 5:11 am

Hey, you could follow my life path and still not be an adult at the age of 20
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ironmaidenfan92
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Jakey : is only the cooliest dude ever!
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PostSubject: Re: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:16 am

"At the middle of field day, there a cookout with beef wellington ensembles with lettuce and hot dogs and whatever. It's super-okay
At the end, the sixth graders have their "GRADUATION PARTY". We watched Are We There Yet? and ran around the field for the final(-ish) time. A single tear is streaming down my cheek at the memory of these events, as I know I will never play on that playground ever again.
Oh, also, we were operating on a system where wen you did something bad, you got a check in your book, and at three, you'd get a note home. Since I was on thin ice as it was for whatever reason, I decided the best course of action would be to FORGE MY MOTHER'S SIGNATURE I was discovered instantly. They gave me a detention and said they'd call my parents, but THEY NEVER DID. THEY NEVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN. I WAS SCARED HALF TO DEATH, AND THEY DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I still haven't told my parents. I really should. Every time I think about it, I feel really guilty. It's been six years, but, Christ, what would they say?"


What would happen if Blank found this out and told your mom?
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7689
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PostSubject: Re: jakey's life: an essay no one should read   Sat Apr 02, 2011 12:41 pm

I'd own up to it. I don't care if blank tries to ruin my life. I'm not going to deny things that have happened.
Also, even if I were to deny it, who would they believe: some unknown number from California or their own son?
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