Hello, Miss Rebecca Black. You probably don't know me, so i suppose i'll introduce myself
My name is Orange Cole Stacy, better known as Orangemango, or just Orange. I am many things to many people: Friend, enemy, scapegoat, whatever. I'm writing this letter to you in order to address my concerns caused by my viewing of the music video for your recently released single, "Friday".
Your music video starts out with a synthesizer melody juxtaposed with days going by on a desk calendar, evidently showing your disdain for every day of the week that isn't friday or the weekend days. (generally referred to as saturday and sunday) Don't you know, Miss Black, that living for the future is never a good thing? In order to have a healthy livelihood, one should live for the present, enjoy life. During the first verse of your song you say "gotta get my bowl gotta have cereal" While i do enjoy cereal as much as the next guy, why should cereal be the end-all, be-all of breakfast food? While i do enjoy a nice bowl of Golden Grahams, somedays you can't beat bacon, toast or a bagle. You are a role model, Rebecca, so why promote cereal over all other breakfast food? A world where people don't eat bacon, a world i would definately not want to live in
You then get your book bag on and head out to the bus stop, and then you hop in the car with your friends. A bus stop is a bus stop, not a car stop. Also, there's like six or seven kids in that car, what the fuck. That's an accident waiting to happen, right there
At this point, you sing what could be called the "chorus" of the song, and i can't help but think: Why do all you artists feel the need to use Autotune? There's nothing wrong with one's natural voice (If you can actually sing) And using that device makes you sound like a retarded gerbil, Rebecca. Also, the driver of the car needs a haircut tbh.
Again, it's at night, on a highway, and you're STANDING UP WHILE RIDING IN A CONVERTIBLE. God woman, do you want your remains splattered on the side of a semitruck? You, Rebecca, are going to cause a bunch of kids who look up to you to kill themselves while riding in an automobile? WON'T YOU THINK OF THE CHILDREN??? ♫ I BELIEVE THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.butthurt ♫ You then debate to yourself about whether you want to sit in the front or back seat, which should be a pretty easy decision. We need a generation of kids who can make decision for themselves, not puzzle over whether they should squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle or back. You then go to a party. According to your last.fm page, you're thirteen years old and in junior high, and so you go to a party where there will clearly be alcohol. God, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
All these things you did wrong, Rebecca, will clearly be emulated by America's children. Why? Because our children are stupid, and always idolize musical or athletic heroes because they can't think for themselves. This is why i think you should become a better influence, not like that Bieber lad and that Cyrus whore. Singing a song about such a trite subject as "friday" will clearly cause the downfall of society, and our children's children will pay if you don't become a better influence. I wish you the best of luck, and i hope you'll take my advice to heart.
Farethee in Paul McCartney's Name, Orange