From the perspective of hey! arnold and RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME
hey! arnold and RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME meet, and upon labourous discussion, decide to travel to Thailand. RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME gives hey! arnold his cellphone.
At the airport, hey! arnold gives RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME his Christmas list. They later meet Jack White, and canabalise a small child.
When they get on the airplane, RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME complains that the plane is made of fetal discharge, the hostess is a harlequin foetus, and that there are children hanging off the plane, and hey! arnold scolds him for nitpicking. They later watch the in-flight movie, Begotten, and enjoy complimentary unknown substance disguised as salted peanuts. RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME then takes a piss, and he is sucked out of the plane. He then meets Eric Clapton in the air, who is practicing his licks.
RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME wakes up in a break room, and calls hey! arnold, but he accidentally dials Herman Ri instead. They both nearly die of laughter, and RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME's head explodes.
RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME finally gets through to hey! arnold, and hey! arnold says the natives in Thailand are going to burn him alive the next day, so RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME advises that he doesn't get burned alive the next day, to which hey! arnold agrees. hey! arnold also reports that he gave birth to a rabbit with a deformed human head, who he puts on the phone to talk to RANDOM ERECTION SYNDOME, and hey! arnold's offspring reports that he's going on Law and Order soon, and RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME shits himself.
Later, hey! arnold awoke to some Whitesnake tunes in a governemntie interrogation room. Turns out, they weren't looking for hey! arnold, but instead hey! arno! They have to keep him there for forever, but Belt is there to stalk the governemntie interrogation room guys, so he tries to break him out, but hey! arnold doesn't love Belt the way Belt loves hey! arnold. The governemntie interrogation room guys see Belt, and reveal that they have a restraining order against him. RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME then breaks in to save hey! arnold, but accidentally kills Belt! He then cuts hey! arnold's legs off, and has Doctor Hamburger reattach them.
Later, hey! arnold spots Captain Redbeard's ship approaching. They then run away like girls and wonder where they are.
The two then get stranded on a desert island, and meet Rolf Harris. They then eat hey! arnold to survive. hey! arnold then comes towards them and sits down to enjoy some hey! arnold with RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME and Rolf Harris. Rolf Harris then drives away, and they get trapped, which is all RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME's fault. RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME then dies, and hey! arnold gets on a ferry headed to Hell.
Once there, he meets RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME and goes to meet the president of Hell. They get on a bus, and drive to meet Len, the president of Hell. They reach their destination, and realise that they forgot hey! arnold, and materialise him with wings.
They meet Len, and hey! arnold buys an ice cream, while Belt blows up Len's house! They run away from Belt, and get back to the ferry for $18.68, half a pack of Mentos and a brown gel pen (negotiated from the original price of $20). Len and hey! arnold passionately kiss, and Belt sneaks aboard the ferry to return to Earth.
The group meets Liam, from series one, and hey! arnold teaches RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME how to script Java. They then teleport back to the ferryman, which uses all their mana, and they get on the ferry. When they get off, they propose a wild party, and hey! arnold proposes sex with women before marriage, which sickens RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME. RANDOM ERECTION SYNDROME then breaks into hey! arnold's house, and finds belt raping hey! arnold.
From the perspective of Farmer Joe and the children
Farmer Joe is Santa, and he kills all who say otherwise. He leaves the children in Antarctica, where they sing a song and find a penguin, only it's not a penguin!!!
The children walked all the way to Farmer Joe's location, and the children try to travel to Diagon Alley by eating shit in a fireplace, but it doesn't work, so Farmer Joe drives them in his Farmer Joemobile.
Farmer Joe then leaves, and the children use the magic they learned at Hogwarts to grow huge and crush Tanzania and America. Farmer Joe is not angry about America being crushed, but they are in trouble. Rubber Man punishes the children, and the children get in his ice cream truck that he calls his big black car. The children go along with this, because Rubber Man must not be thwarted or questioned in any way. The children escape Rubber Man's hideout, and Rubber Man is later killed by Dave's black magic.
Farmer Joe then turns corn into ethanol, and tells Dave he can't revive Satan, but he can chuck faeces, which Dave then does. The thrown faeces lands in Joel's eye, and Joel kills Dave after Farmer Joe gives him a sword. Farmer Joe then reveals the dance-off is that night, and the dance song is Comfortably Numb.
Louis then removes his disguise to reveal that he is actually Brian May! And now that he knows the secret of turning corn into ethanol, he leaves in a puff of smoke. Joe (the kid, not the farmer) then reveals that he has actually been a wormhole all along, and sucks Farmer Joe and the children into himself.
The group is transported to an alternate dimenson, where the only difference is that there's Haribo all over the floor. Walking through it is slightly annoying, so they try to find the wormhole. Dave claims to have found the wormhole, but it was only a Hybrid car. Farmer Joe then meets Man-with-a-divider-for-a-head, who is looking for his sister. Farmer Joe displays prejudice against people with dividers for heads, and Man-with-a-divider-for-a-head tells Farmer Joe that the children have run off.
The children were apparently dragged off by a child magnet. They meet Brian May, and he gets tackled by Farmer Joe, so he starts eating Haribo off the floor. Brian May then disguses himself as a child and rejoins the group as Louis. Dave then claims he owns a TV, and Joe asks if he can rejoin the group, sucking everyone into him.
From the perspective of Kirk Hamburger
Kirk Hamburger is reading fan mail, and wants to dedicate an album to some guy from Liverpool who says they're really cool and that they don't afraid of anything. They decide to re-record Damage Inc. eight times at different tempos in different keys, and Robert Truckdriver says the primary market will be DragonForce fans, to which the band agrees.
The rest of Metallica think Kirk Hamburger is too good at soloing for the band, so they kick him out. He complains about not having any qualifications, so God gives him loads of qualifications, and Kirk Hamburger gets a job as a brain surgeon.
Doctor Hamburger then re-attatches hey! arnold's legs, and is later fired because all of his patients have died during surgery, even thought each loss has affected him greatly, and he is not a giant blender. His severence package includes $100,000,000 and a further annual $1,000,000.
David Gilmour then comes to Kirk Hamburger's house, and he kills David Gilmour to get his solo demos. The mailman comes next, and Kirk Hamburger kills him to get his package. Robert Truckdriver then comes to talk Kirk Hamburger out of his plot to steal from orphans, and tries to assassinate Kirk Hamburger, but fails, as he only brought one bullet.
Kirk Hamburger later gets a call from Sony Records, saying they listened to his solo demo tapes, but Kirk Hamburger did not send in said tapes. It is revealed that Robert Truckdriver stole Brian Ferry's solo demo tapes and mailed them in under Kirk Hamburger's name. Kirk Hamburger kicks Robert Truckdriver, and Robert Truckdriver claims Kirk Hamburger missed, but he spoke too soon, as Kirk Hamburger hadn't even moved his leg yet. Kirk Hamburger then gets a postcard, and a burglar pours gasoline all over Kirk Hamburger's house, and throws a lit match as he leaves. Kirk Hamburger then catches on fire and calls the burglar lame.
Kirk Hamburger then shows up at the Metallica cave, and begs for his job back, but Marty Fredhead already took it, though Marty Fredhead is still contagious from the Swine Flu. Kirk Hamburger then roundhouse kicks a guy with a nuclear bomb, and saves the world. The queen then presents him with the Pretty Good at Saving the World medal, and Kirk Hamburger has a heart-attack.