Ah, the 1980s. A time where men were men with long fucking hair, electric guitars and a harem of hot sluts. Let us revisit this magical age with a motherfucking Guitar Hero game made by Harmonix!
Young Gordon was inspired after playing Guitar Hero: Encore: Rocks the '80s, and decided to play a real guitar and all that jazz. He formed a small band, and they went to a cabaret club to play rockin' songs from the 1980s.
1: So, We're on After the Dancing Midget Brigade? I Don't Know if We Can Follow That...
"I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar, 1984
"Livin' After Midnight" by Judas Priest, 1980
"Legs" by ZZ Top, 1983
"Here Comes Sickness" by Mudhoney, 1989
"It's the End of the World as We Know it and I Feel Fine" by REM, 1987
Encore Effect: The midgets come out to do the can-can!
Encore: "About a Girl" by Nirvana, 1989
Gordon's band. Gordon Bond and the Tunnel Snakes, were discovered by this guy with a white van and candy. After eating the man's delicious candy (remember, kids, always go for the white vans; they have the best candy!), Gordon and co. started their tour of the world, starting in the most Metal place ever: DOVER, DELAWARE.
2: Who Are These Gots?
"F.I.N.E." by Aerosmith, 1989
"Gear-Jammer" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers, 1985
"Line of Fire" by Journey, 1980
"Canary in a Coalmine" by The Police, 1980
"Anything Goes" by Guns N' Roses, 1987
Encore Effect: A cruiseship crashes through the wall of the capital building!
Encore: "Call of the Wild" by Black Sabbath, 1989
Gordon and friends hopped aboard the ship, sailing away to Gordon's homeland of Britain to play rock 'n' roll for the queen. Along the way, they got laughed at for their big hair and sexy outfits. Balls to them! They're just jealous of Gordon Bond and the Tunnel Snakes!
3: God Save the Queen.
"Bad Medicine" by Bon Jovi, 1988
"This Town" by Green River, 1987
"Cool the Engines" by Boston, 1986
"In the Dark" by Billy Squier, 1981
"Too Young to Fall in Love" by Motley Crue, 1983
Encore Effect: The queen rips off her costume to reveal a hot chick with an insatiable desire to have consensual sex in the missionary position with Gordon!
Encore: "Headed for a Heartbreak" by Winger, 1988
After a wild night of partying with the queen, Gordon and friends decided to bid farewell and rock in the Home of Progress, Soviet Motherfucking Russia. They were welcome, and paid a few thousand rubbles (five pounds) to play some good old Rock and/or Roll.
4: Rockin' on the Far Side of the Iron Curtain.
"Runnin' Down a Dream" by Tom Petty, 1989
"Rock the Night" by Europe, 1986
"Burnin' for You" by Blue Oyster Cult, 1981
"Get Up" by Van Halen, 1986
"Once Bitten, Twice Shy" by Great White, 1989
Encore Effect: The Chairman rips off his cap to reveal SEBASTIAN MOTHERFUCKING BACH. He elects to sing the encore as a prank!
Encore: "Here I Am" by Skid Row, 1989
Sebby then kicked them out of Soviet Russia, and they landed in Canada, eh? So, they had some maple syrup and other Canadian delacacies. Then they were mobbed by hockey players who threw them on a zamboni to play random songs for lulz.
5: I Think Canada's a Pretty Cool Guy. Eh Likes Hockey and Doesn't Afraid of Anything, Eh?
"Look What the Cat Dragged In" by Poison, 1986
"Flying High Again" by Ozzy Osbourne, 1987
"All Along the Watchtower" by Dyland and the Dead, 1989
"Kiss of Death" by Dokken, 1987
"Wild -Eyed Southern Boys" by .38 Special, 1981
Encore Effect: The players tip over the zamboni, and it catches fire, which melts all the ice. The players go swimming, and they play UNDERWATER.
Encore: "Bad Boys" by Whitesnake, 1987
Gordon's hair got totally messed up by the water, so he waited five days for more hairspray to come in, then decided to play a big gig in the capital of Metal: NICKELODEON'S KIDS' CHOICE AWARDS. ROCK ON.
6: Choosin' Kids to Sacrifice to Our Alien Overlords
"Rattlehead" by Megadeth, 1985
"Run for Cover" by Quiet Riot, 1983
"Perpetual Burn" by Jason Becker, 1988
"Scuttle Buttin'/Couldn't Stand the Weather" by Stevie Ray Vaughan. 1983
"Sanctuary" by Iron Maiden, 1980
Encore Effect: They try to shut Gordon off, but he fights them as hard as he can. ROCK WILL NOT BE SILENCED.
Final Encore: "Don't Talk to Strangers" by Dio, 1983
Of course, all this was fruitless. There was a Disney hitman present, and he took out Nickelodeon's biggest draw: Gordon. He was sent forward in time to a post-apocalyptic Washington D.C., reborn as GORDON BOND. Wait...