yug: Duelist Kingdom

DUEL ONE: Yugi vs Kaiba
"oh no he's got three blue-eyes white dragons; they're huge" "ahahahaha you cannot defeat me no matter what you draw" "we'll see about that" Yugi draws a card, praying to draw Mirror Force. "what the fuck is this? a leg? that'll go great with the two arms i've got" Yugi sets a card, which is blown up by Kaiba on his turn. Yugi draws another card. "a-ha!!! mirror force!!! the card i needed in this situation!!!" Yugi confidently sets Mirror Force and passes. Kaiba attacks Yugi's monster like a fool. "YOU FOOL!!! YOU HAVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!!! MIRROR FORCE!!!" "no, it is you who is the fool, yugi; SEVEN TOOLS OF THE BANDIT negates your trap!!!" "oh but it is YOU who is the fool kaiba; SOLEMN JUDGEMENT negates YOUR trap, thereby un-negating mine!!!" "you think i wasn't prepared for this? i have my own SOLEMN JUDGEMENT!!! it negates YOUR solemn judgement!!!" "you'd think so, but my SECOND solemn judgement will solemnly judge your judgement of my judgement" "you're pathetic yugi, to think i wouldn't also have a second solemn judgement!!!" "and yet YOU, KAIBA, were not prepared for my THIRD solemn judgement!!!" "nor you for MY THIRD SOLEMN JUDGEMENT!!!" "you're out of solemn judgements; ripe for the picking of my fifth trap card, COUNTER COUNTER, which negates any counter trap!!!" "poor, simple yugi; you neglected to notice my fifth face-down, TRAP JAMMER!!!" "uh-oh" "BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON'S ATTACK CONNECTS WITH YOUR LIFE POINTS!!!" "NOT SO FAST!!! I DISCARD KURIBOH!!!" "okay, you bought yourself a turn, now what?" Yugi draws his last pathetic card with a smile on his face. "i play POT OF GREED!!!" "what's that do" "it allows me to draw TWO CARDS!!! and with those two, i've drawn GRACEFUL CHARITY!!! now i draw three cards and discard two!!! and thanks to those cards i've drawn, i have completed the ultimate beast!!! the right leg, the left leg, the right arm, the LEFT ARM!!! and most importantly, THE HEAD!!! EXODIA THE FORBIDDEN ONE!!!" "a-activate drop off?" "yeah no nice try"

DUEL TWO: Yugi vs Weevil
"your efforts were not enough, yugi!!! prepare for my ULTIMATE INSECT!!! THE GREAT MOTH!!!" "what's it do" "pardon?" "what's it do? you spent four turns protecting your cocoon, what did you get out of it?" "a 2600 attack monster" "that's it?" "that's really big!!!" "not in a format where you can normal summon eight-star monsters; i summon COSMO QUEEN" "2900 attack?!" Weevil begins to sweat. "you know, i just realised i used the wrong deck, we should start over"

DUEL THREE: Yugi vs Mako Tsunami
"my sea monsters are all concealed under the ocean's waves!!! you couldn't attack them even if your monsters could stand up to their might!!!" "activate raigeki" "FUCK"

DUEL FOUR: Pegasus vs Mokuba
"and this is where you'll be staying" "what? you kidnapped me and you're putting me in a cushy tower? that's not cool" "pardon?" "this kidnapping is SOULLESS; where's the dungeon? the clattering iron chains? the DANK?!" "we don't use the dungeon; it's barbaric" "fuck it, i'm out of here; i've been kidnapped a bunch of times, and this is just the lamest" Mokuba leaps out the window, giving Pegasus the middle finger. Pegasus sighs. "kemo, go find that kid and throw him in the dungeon" "with pleasure"

DUEL FIVE: Joey vs Rex Raptor
"now you will suffer the wrath of my ace monster!!! RED-EYES BLACK DRAGON!!!" "wait i thought you were the dinosaur guy" "yes?" "that's a dragon" "a dragon is just a dinosaur with wings" "no, it's a completely different taxonomical classification" "listen, you think you're the dinosaur expert? trust me, i know dinosaurs; i have plans, you know" "plans?" "i plan to have my bones taken out and replaced with dinosaur bones!!! i will be UNSTOPPABLE WITH MY DINO DNA!!!" "that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard" "laugh all you want, but we both know that someday, kids everywhere will be running around with dino dna!!!" "you need help" "no YOU will need help after my red-WAIT where did it go?!" "oh, it fell into my TRAP HOLE" "how?! it has wings!!! it can fly!!!" "not any more it can't"

DUEL SIX: Joey vs Bonz
"now i activate CALL OF THE HAUNTED to bring back my monsters as unstoppable zombies!!!" "chain dd crow, banish zanki; chain dd crow, banish crawling dragon; chain dd crow, banish crass clown" "FUCK"

DUEL SEVEN: Yugi vs Pegasus
"getting past my thousand-eyes restrict is simply impossible!!! you'd need some kind of removal spell, and no one else in my tournament has had a single one!!!" "i play fissure" "FUCK"