Halloween Special 2019

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"hey jakey what are you going as for halloween this year" "SOMETHING REALLY GREAT THAT IS DEFINITELY GOING TO WIN THE COSTUME CONTEST" "somehow, i don't see that happening" "are you niggas ready for some classic-style halloween again?!" Bran and Taylor bounce into the room, dressed as Frog and Toad. "oh wow; what an educational costume" "yes; the word of the day is 'victory' as in 'the sweet victory that we two will win in the costume contest'" "the colour of the day is green as in 'the mad bank that we two will get for winning the costume contest'" "shit yeah" Taylor and Bran high-five. "so we all ready?" "yeah let's go" "WAIT FOR ME" Michelle rolls a giant lumpy ball down the stairs, collecting any object it touches, collects up the rest of the gang, and heads for Svart's house, where they are greeted by a snooty Frenchman. "bonjour baguette parles vu"
01:
"wow how long have i had this painting for" Svart studies a painting on his wall. "it's really nice actually" "THANK YOU" "GAH" Svart falls over backward as the painting springs to life, revealing an Alison within. "DON'T DO THAT" "i'm glad you like the painting; i came as a painting last year as well but no one stopped to even look so i re-doubled my efforts and made a truly awe-inspiring work of art!!!" "uh sure"
02:
"ressie are you dressed as a leprechaun" "yes" "THAT'S THE WRONG FUCKING HOLIDAY AGAIN" "there is no 'wrong' halloween costume; it's about dressing as your favourite mythological creatures, and a leprechaun is definitely one of those" "get out of my house" "no can do svart-o, i am here to resist partying down but i suppose i can also add resisting your attempts to get me out of the house" "svart you moron you can't just tell ressie to do something; she takes it as a challenge!!!" "why does she keep getting invited?!" "she doesn't; she just shows up anyway" "goddammit"
03:
"hey come over here and help us solve an argument" "not again" Svart trudges up to Brooke and Hattie, who are dressed as the Christmas Cavaliers. "so i am rightfully defending cain as the best christmas cavalier but this absolute RETARD is defending abel" "strength is way more important than speed and it's not even up for debate!!!" "enjoy not being able to attack twice you moran" "i don't need to attack twice if i can attack twice as hard!!!" "that's not how 10% differences work!!!" "hey um why not just use both" "..." "..." "you FUCKING retard" "wha-" "why the FUCK would you double up on classes?!" "you've got to field one of each!!! that's just common sense!!!" "yeah get out you're terrible" "hey father which is better cain or abel" Father Brucie takes a sip from his glass of holy water. "hardin" "WHAT" "he starts at level six!!!" "that is five less levels to grow!!!" "next you'll say something irredeemably retarded like recommending we actually use jagen"
04:
"COME ONE COME ALL AND CHECK OUT JAKEY'S COSTUME" Jakey stands upon a table, dressed up as a gigantic pile of cash. "OH MY GOD" Kathy's eyes sparkle as she runs over to Jakey. "jakey i love your costume" "thanks i like your trash can costume as well; want a free sample?" "BOY DO I" Jakey hands Kathy some money, and Kathy skips away with glee. "anyone else want some FREE MONEY?!" "me me me" "yes me" "me as well" The entire room crowds around Jakey as he gives away loads of money.
05:
"oh deputy orange, you came as a dinosaur as well?" "yes, i am the fearsome velociraptor!!! nice t.rex costume sara" "thanks; i've always really enjoyed prehistory" "PREHISTORY?!" Erin falls down from the ceiling, dressed as a caveman. "so what were you going to do in the event no one said the uncommon word 'prehistory'" "cry myself to sleep" "fair enough"
06:
"hey gwendolyn nice chinaman costume" "uh thanks; i was more confident in it before an actual chinese person was here" "oh don't worry about it; she's dressed as a vampire" "wait really?!" Gwendolyn peeks around Svart's shoulder to see Wu Huiqing dressed as a vampire. "oh man but she makes vampirism look attractive; i make chinamen look borderline retarded" "some people are into that" "really?" "uh totally"
07:
"okay so olivia all you've got to do is take this leprechaun and push her somewhere else" "uh isn't pushing leprechauns seven years of bad luck" "that's breaking mirrors" "uh no dude mirrors aren't magical; leprechauns are" "whatever just do it" "no way man i have plans for those seven years" "such as" "not being cursed by a leprechaun, to start" "fine then let me borrow your snowplow costume" "never in a million years; i am not going to be an accessory to leprechaun-pushing"
08:
"OW FUCK" "sorry i uh didn't see you there" "no no it's fine i didn't need that spine" "why are you lying on the floor ruth" "for my rug costume obviously; rugs don't just get up and start walking around" "couldn't you have chosen a less painful costume to wear" "pain is, at the very least, A feeling which is better than i usually get" "okay great talking to you i'm going over here now"
09:
"hey natalie nice uh filing box costume" "thanks i was so busy that i didn't have time to actually get a costume so i just grabbed the nearest thing i could wear" "so are those decoy files or what" "uh no these are actual important legal documents so uh please don't steal them"
10:
"so uh who are you supposed to be julia" "i am heavy metal icon hans derringer of the band maximum overdeth" "oh i don't listen to music like that" "so what DO you listen to piper" "oh i love the new sharply rose single" "uh what's that" "oh sharply rose is an inspiration; she sings songs all of us backwood folk can appreciate; songs about pick-'em-up trucks and farm equipment" "is that why you're dressed as a combine harvester" "yes; i tried to get my daughter to dress as a rototiller but she doesn't share my love of country music" "what does SHE listen to" "weird modern pop hitz like the-hat and that the william henry harrison group thing where all the music is made on a computer" "ew" "music can't be made on a computer; that's like trying to bake cookies with a computer" "preach sister" "i mean i liked my share of weird music when i was her age; you ever hear of a funk group called the noodles?" "oh shit yeah i love them; without their influence, blackened inferno never would have even become a band, much less put out their metal cover of the noodles' hit 'streetlight boogie - downtown chronicles part ii: groovetown avenue'" "that's their best song!!! i listened to that for hours back when it came out!!!" "hey after this, you want to go listen to records at my place?" "oh totally"
11:
"hey uh svart two of the guests are fighting" "not again" Svart trudges over to the fighting scene, where Grace and Emelyn are having a row. "what is going on over here" "well i dressed as a bear, and emelyn decided to dress as a miner, so naturally we have to fight" "yeah, miners and bears are natural enemies, destined from the dawn of time to fight" "so this is just a fake fight then" "well yeah" "of course" "we did accidentally break that vase though" Grace points over her shoulder at shards of a vase, which Violet is lying in. "uh violet are you okay" "my ears are ringing" "oh was that violet in a vase costume? now i feel bad" "yeah when it was just a tacky vase, i felt nothing"
12:
"hey erin check out this computer terminal" "unga bunga" "greetings friends, i am a technology" "unga" "soon, technology will invade every aspect of life!!! you will not be able to escape it" "that sounds horrible" "check out my glossy flatscreen" "that's not the flattest screen i've ever seen" Svart pokes at the lumps in Amber's screen. "p-please!!! do not touch!!! the lumps!!!"
13:
"uh kathy didn't i already give you some free money" "do you recognise my loaf of bread costume" "no i guess you haven't gotten any; sorry about that" "oh no problem"
14:
"um azalea-" "i'm a motorcycleman; breaking hearts atop a motorcycle" "yeah i got that but-" "i tell 'em 'baby you're the only one for me gonna make me give up this riding life' then i ride off into the sunset without a word" "that's-" "then i go to the next town and do it all over again; i'm a heartbreaker" "AZALEA" "i'm right here you don't have to yell" "why are you riding a motorcycle in my house?!" "did you NOT hear what i just said? i'm a motorcycleman; breaking hearts atop a motorcycle" "there are rubber marks all over my wooden floors!!!" "i tell 'em 'baby you're the only one for me'"
15:
"OW FUCK" Svart leaps up and down in horrendous pain after stepping on Unimportant's LEGO costume. "I THINK MY FOOT IS BROKEN" "uh sorry svart; i have teamed up with ruth to stop people from stepping on her" "BY KILLING THEM?!" "well if you step on a LEGO you'll be more careful and look at the ground before you step" "I NEED A DOCTOR" An ambulance rolls up, and Elizabeth hucks Svart into the back. "oh dear this is bad" "oh no" "we're going to have to amputate" "WHAT"
16:
"hey uh ressie do you have any of that flex tape left" "oh yes follow me" Resistance Leadour conjures a rainbow, and at the end of it is her pot of Flex Tape. "great thanks now i can repair my vase costume!!!" "they say that the vase costume will now be more beautiful for having been broken and repaired with flex tape" "word"
17:
"uh kathy didn't i already give you some free money" "do you recognise my slice of ham costume" "no i guess you haven't gotten any; sorry about that" "oh no problem"
18:
"sophia are you dressed as a mechanic again" "yes, but before you say anything: last time i was a mechanic for samson automotive, and THIS time i'm a mechanic for gunther automotive" "uh-huh" Azalea drives her motorcycle over to Sophia and Brucie. "hey can you take a look at my bike it's not belching flames from the tailpipes like it's supposed to" "oh sure sure" Sophia grabs Mr. Shooty, dressed as a wrench, and begins tapping the pipes. "oh here's your problem" Sophia reaches into a tailpipe and yanks out Valerie. "TH-THANK YOU I-I-I-I TH-THOUGHT I-I-I WAS G-G-GOING TO S-SUFFOCATE" "jesus valerie what were you doing in there" "w-well i-i-i w-was w-walking around i-in m-my ballgown c-costume a-a-and i-i-i t-tripped on th-the bottom o-of the d-dress a-and f-fell into th-the tailpipe" "oh you should be more careful"
19:
"so what are you supposed to be claire" "i am a hippie!!! notice!!! the ugly psychedelic colours!!! notice!!! the dumb sunglasses!!! NOTICE!!! the rank odour!!!" "uh you don't smell like anything" "..." "..." "oh right i forgot humans can't smell ghost scents" "probably for the best" "so i went without bathing for weeks all for nothing" "yeah" Claire sighs and floats off to take a bath.
20:
"hey uh ressie do you have any of that flex tape left" "oh yes follow me" Resistance Leadour conjures a rainbow, and at the end of it is her pot of Flex Tape. "great thanks now we can repair svart's broken foot!!!" "they say that the foot will now be more beautiful for having been broken and repaired with flex tape" "word"
21:
"SURF'S UP DUDES" Candice grabs Bendik, who dressed as a surfboard, and charges toward Rachel, who is dressed as a wave. "BODACIOUS"
22:
"who left this sack of potatoes here" Jean looks around the room. "hey is this anyone's sack of potatoes" "nope" "not mine" "cool cool" Jean winds up and gives the sack a huge kick. "OW FUCK" "oops sorry i didn't know anyone was in there" "who the fuck would just leave a sack of potatoes laying around?! it's halloween, jessica!!! of course it's someone's costume!!!" "why would you be a sack of potatoes though" "no magic allowed, jennifer!!! i had to make this costume MYSELF" "you could have just gone to the costume shop; that's where i got my aladdin costume" "very happy for you, lazybones, now leave me to my halloween" "fine whatever"
23:
"hey everyone sorry i'm late" "oh jezzie how do you do" Svart rushes up to greet Jezzie, desperate to get her affection. "i do well thanks!!! i had to go to every costume shop in alabama to find the perfect costume" "a trenchcoat?" "it's underneath the trenchcoat silly!!!" Jezzie tears off her trenchcoat to reveal her Yoko Ono costume. "YOU MONSTER" "thanks!!!"
FINALE:
"okay so thank you all for coming yada yada yada it's now time to reveal the winner of the BEST COSTUME AWARD" "well for all his trying, i think jakey finally did it this year" "yeah his pile of money costume was sweet" "yeah i went to admire it like ten times" "but uh have you guys even seen sheriff antony?" At the mention of his lifelong costume contest rival, Jakey's heart sinks. Last year, Jakey was within inches of winning before Sheriff Antony cheated. The rules were changed to disallow Sheriff Antony's antics, but they didn't strip him of his title. This year, once again, no one has seen Sheriff Antony all night. "well we can't wait for him, so i'd like to announce this year's winner!!! JAKEY" "YES I KNEW IT MY HARD WORK HAS FINALLY PAID OFF YES YES YES" Jakey excitedly runs up to accept his trophy. As he grabs the golden cup he'd so desperately desired, it escapes his grasp and runs away. "WHAT" A panel in the base of the trophy opens to reveal that it was Sheriff Antony inside the whole time. "woah" "sheriff antony's done it again!!!" The room erupts in cheers for Sheriff Antony, breaking Jakey's little heart. Jakey frantically searches the rulebook for a loophole, but can't find a single one. "THIS YEAR'S WINNER IS SHERIFF ANTONY" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
THE END