since i'm a "wait for the blu ray" guy, i finally got to see Endgame today
(shame the ending was spoiled for me)
(hate movie theatres anyway; they're an antiquated relic of the past that needs to die, and you know it's bad if i, mr. "it's different so i hate it", say that)
i don't watch the Netflix/Hulu/whatever series and i don't give a shit
as far as i'm concerned, it's a fucking waste
Daredevil, Iron Fist, Luke Cage, The Punisher, and fucking GHOST RIDER would have made great movies
don't know anything about Jessica Jones to be honest but I'd have given it a shot
ANYWAY
with phase 4's framework announced, i have to say how disappointed i am
let's take this film by film
(don't read if you haven't seen Endgame obviously)
Black Widow solo movie
why
she's literally the least interesting character in the MCU, which is an accomplishment when Captain Marvel has zero charisma
she always struck me as the token woman in the Avengers, and Marvel has much better female characters anyway (She-Hulk springs instantly to mind)
The Eternals and Shang-Chi
i like when they make "literally who" movies to be honest
i mean, who gave a single shit about the Guardians of the Galaxy before the MCU?
i'm willing to hear them out
(don't like Angelina Jolie though)
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (featuring Scarlet Witch)
could be cool
my idea of where to do with Dr. Strange was a Defenders movie with the Hulk and Scarlet Witch, so we're mostly there
(i have no fucking clue why they made the Defenders a street-level team in the Netflix series when they were originally the polar opposite of that)
Thor: Love and Thunder
whyThor travelling the galaxy with the Guardians sounded like the coolest shit
why then do they need to make Jane Foster into Thor?
Thor giving New Asgard to Valkyrie just seemed like a way to write that entire corner of the world off completely
I get that you can't make movie after movie of the same guy the same way
but I thought that was the entire point of sending Thor to space
I assumed they were going to do a Beta Ray Bill movie, not this shit
this is absolutely the worst idea I've ever heard, and I already knew it was a thing in the comics
I assumed we were still a long ways out from this kind of comics retardation
I repeat:
whyBlade, X-Men, Fantastic Four reboots
makes total sense and i'm all for it
(hope they don't reboot Deadpool though, because Ryan Reynolds is perfect for the role)
(even though Deadpool 2 was horrible)
Black Panther 2
obligatory
the first one was okay
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Thor please
please Thor
(also I hope Groot becomes an adult soon)
Captain Marvel 2
the charismaless Brie Larson will be joined by the new Muslim Ms. Marvel
hard
pass
if they want a female-led movie, I suggest Gwenpool
I know what you're thinking but hear me out
Gwendolyn Poole is a girl comic fan from "our" world who ends up in the comics world
so her movie would be that she's a girl from "our" world who read lots of comics and ended up in the MCU
since she's read so many comics, she knows what's going to happen
so her movie could be, for example:
Gwen meets Peter Parker, knows he's Spider-Man
then they meet Max Dillon, who isn't Electro yet, but Gwen knows he'll become Electro
Peter doesn't believe her, so she sets out to prove that Max Dillon is a bad guy and ends up accidentally causing him to become Electro
female-led comedy
everyone says "girls can't be funny", so this is one of those "girl power prove them wrong" movies while actually being a good movie that isn't actually about girl power
just don't cast amy schumer
Spider-Man 3
from what I've heard of Far from Home, I just hate the direction they've taken Spider-Man
his supporting cast is absolute shit in the MCU, especially now that Iron Man is dead
MCU Spider-Man is at his best when he's with Iron Man, and now that's over
(aside: this is my favourite MCU scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQpWRenGF_w
every single character is done perfectly in it)
but I don't care for Ned, Zandaya, or AILF May
also everyone knowing that Peter is Spider-Man just doesn't work at all
the point of Spider-Man is that his sense of justice makes him unable to ignore a crime in progress
and this means that his friends and family think he's a flake, because he's always late or doesn't show up
making EVERYONE know that Peter is Spider-Man right away is just stupid
they should just steal a gag from the Mini-Marvels
- Spoiler:
Ant-Man 3
they haven't committed to this one, but Paul Rudd seems to really want it
honestly, Ant-Man is probably my favourite character in the MCU
he's just so well done
i need to get around to reading his comics
for completeness, here's a tier list of MCU moves:
TOP TIER
Avengers: Infinity War
GREAT TIER
Ant-Man
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Guardians of the Galaxy
Captain America: The First Avenger
GOOD TIER
Thor: Ragnarok
Avengers: Endgame
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Iron Man
MID TIER
Doctor Strange
Captain America: Civil War
Avengers
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Black Panther
LOW TIER
Iron Man 3
Iron Man 2
Captain Marvel
Thor
SHIT TIER
Avengers: Age of Ultron
The Incredible Hulk
Thor: The Dark World