ADVENTURE
HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

ADVENTURE

HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 Everything (2016)

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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:51 pm

Mission 025: And Party Every Day [Claire Who is a Ghost]
"jakey i have decided to hold a party; i posessed a mail lady and had her make out and deliver my invitations personally" "b-but i didn't get one" "it's on the table; i wanted to give it to you personally but then i remembered i have no means by which to grab it" "fair enough" Jakey grabs the invitation, which reads 'You are cordially invited to a party at Claire's house at 4:20 PM Tuesday 11 October; BYOB'. "ah fuck the party is in ten minutes and i didn't b any b" "shit you'd better hurry then" Jakey sprints out of Claire's house, nearly taking the door off its hinges in his blind pursuit of his o b to b to the party. Jakey crashes through the wall into a store and grabs some b. Jakey then leaps and kicks back off the wall, tossing his money (exact change) straight at the clerk. Jakey then sprints back down the block and flies through the door to Claire's house as the clock strikes 4:20. "I DID IT" "congratulations" "so where are all the other party guests" "you and the king bran are the only ones here so far" Claire gestures to King Bran, who is already passed out in the corner with a lampshade on his head, surrounded by empty bottles. "he sure knows how to party hard" "ah here comes the third guest" Michelle drives her motorcycle into the house, grabs all of Jakey's b, and chugs it straight down. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/BOYB t-shirt/King Bran missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:51 pm

Mission 026: I Don't Care Too Much for Money; Money Can't Buy Me Love [Shopkeepour]
"jakey my sister resistance leadour is in trouble" "say no more i will rescue your hot sister" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and peels out. "WAIT YOU DON'T even know where she is" Jakey's phone rings. "yo" "jakey would you like to know where resistance leadour actually is" "oh man that would be super-helpful; i've just been circling around your shop going 90" "she's trapped inside an elevator i-" "got it" Jakey hangs up and drives off to the elevator factory. "ALL RIGHT NOBODY MOVE" Jakey waves his gun around wildly. Kathy is unimpressed. "can i help you" "YOU'VE GOT A HOSTAGE IN ONE OF YOUR ELEVATORS AND I NEED TO KNOW WHICH ONE" Kathy hits a key on the keyboard, pulling up the security feed for occupied elevators. "it's the one inside of that new high-end mcdonald's on burgundy street" "thank you kathy" Jakey hucks a wad of singles at Kathy, who smiles at him for the first time since the last time he gave her money. Jakey hops back into The Motherfucker and drives to the nearby McDonald's on Burgundy Street. "ALL RIGHT NOBODY MOVE" Jakey waves his gun around wildly. "jakey you're scaring the customers" "WHERE IS THE HOSTAGE FIEND" Jakey grabs Kathy's shirt and points his gun at her face. "in the elevator just like i told you back at the elevator factory" "oh right" Jakey sets Kathy back down and hands her another wad of singles. "sorry" "it's okay we all make mistakes" Jakey heads down the hall toward the elevator as Kathy counts her money. Jakey presses the elevator call button, and the door opens. "DON'T COME IN" Jakey steps back and covers his eyes. "i'm sorry a-are you decent" "..." "..." Resistance Leadour looks at Jakey incredulously. "the elevator is rigged to blow if the weight inside of it goes below 100 or above 200" "that doesn't answer my question" "YES I AM FULLY CLOTHED" Jakey uncovers his eyes and sees Resistance Leadour leaning against the wall, rolling her eyes. "so uh how much do you weigh" "140" "how much do the bombs weigh" "a few ounces each" "hmmm" "why don't we just swap places instantly and you can defuse the bombs yourself" "because i weigh over 200 pounds" "you fat fuck" "i guess we'll need help to solve this MYSTERY" "MYSTERY?!" Erin falls from the ceiling, and Jakey shoves her into the elevator while simultaneously pulling Resistance Leadour out. "don't leave the elevator erin the bombs will go off" "WHAT" "you like mysteries; solve the mystery of how to get yourself out of there without exploding" "YOU'RE A TOTAL FUCKER JAKEY" "i try" Michelle walks down the hall, hands in her pockets, whistling badly, and attempts to enter the elevator. Jakey grabs her and pulls her back with all his might, sending himself and Michelle crashing into the wall behind them. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mac Tonight jacket/Resistance Leadour missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:51 pm

Mission 027: All Locked Doors and Unmade Beds [Yuko]
"jakey let us go / alcoholic beverages / wait to be imbibed" "if that's the case, then what are we waiting for?" Jakey and Yuko hop into The Motherfucker and head for Libationz Я Us, where Taylor stands at the bar, chewing an ancient stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "it's been a while since i've seen you out here behind the bar" "well the government demands i give employees 'vacation days' so what can i do" "hello bartender / get me and jakey some drinks / fruity and girly" "coming right up" Taylor pours out two fruity girly drinks and places them in the table in front of the two ladies. Jakey rolls his eyes, tired of the narrator's shit. After ten drinks, Yuko winds up well and truly wasted. After thirty, Jakey is unaffected. "hey jakey what gives / you've sucked down thirty of those / you're unaffected" "it must be all the ancient artefacts i've had crammed inside of me over the years" "well thanks anyway / your company was quite nice / appreciation" "appreciation to you too" Yuko leans in toward Jakey, but tips over off her stool onto the tile floor. "let's get you home" "thank you officer / i have appreciation / and softball practice" Yuko passes out in Jakey's arms, and he carries her out to The Motherfucker, then drives her home discreetly. Jakey lays Yuko down on her couch just as she comes to. "hello officer / what a nice place you've got here / have you got a pool" "uh no" "well that is a shame / a pool would add some value / i would shout marco" Yuko passes out again, and Jakey takes his leave of her house. "don't think i wouldn't find out about this jakey cole adjutant" Michelle stands outside Yuko's house with her arms crossed. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/softball team jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 028: Preparations [Kung-Fu Chad]
"you have been neglecting your training" "yes" "..." "..." "okay i wasn't prepared for that answer" "so we're in agreement then?" "uh yeah" "cool bye" Jakey exits the dojo, and is blindsided by a flying kick from Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/karate gi-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 029: This One's for Bay Town [King Bran]
King Bran takes the podium to address his fellow Alabamanians. "we are here today to officially open the underwater bridge between the nations of canada and alabama; a triumph in engineering etc. etc." King Bran flips through a bunch of paper, when a shadowy figure leaps down and holds a sword to his throat. "king bran your tyranny is at an end etc. etc. prepare to die" "oh boy my first assassination attempt" King Bran holds a gun to the assassin's stomach. "shame it will be your last, miss... uh... i'm afraid we haven't been properly introduced" A gunshot rings out, causing the would-be assassin to fall to the ground. "nor will you ever be" "aw man okay who did that whoever it was is getting a pay cut" "you can't cut my pay i don't work for you" Grace waves a small Canadian flag. "JAKEY GIVE THAT WOMAN A PAY CUT" "grace i am docking your pay by one cent" "oh you tyrant" "THE DEDICATION IS CANCELLED I CAN'T CUT THE RIBBON I AM TOO UPSET" King Bran throws the scissors up into the air, and Jakey runs over and catches them, blades splayed. "ow fuck" Jakey flips the scissors around and his hands heal. "OKAY ALABAMA ARE YOU READY TO ROCK" The crowd of Alabamanians appears unmoved. "I SAID ARE YOU READY TO ROCK" The laser sight of Grace's gun sweeps over the crowd, and they all cheer in unison, frightened. "LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Pyrotechnics erupt from the stage as Jakey kneeslides toward the ribbon, cutting into it as he slides through it, officially opening the Canada-Alabama underwater bridge. "ugh what happened" The assassin comes to, then realises that King Bran has left. "aw maaaaaan i've failed my mission; now i have to commit ritualistic suicide" The assassin grabs her sword and flips it backward. Jakey quickly runs over and cuts the blade off her sword with his scissors. "..." "..." "how-" "I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE" Jakey kicks the assassin over and handcuffs her, turning her over to the Alabamanian government. Michelle grabs the giant pair of scissors and uses it to cut the ribbon on her own bridge between Canada and Alabama, made entirely of toothpicks. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Special Agent Grace missions/Alabama Detention Centre missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 030: There Was Only One Such Tekken Spin-Off Game [King Bran]
"jakey i have figured out a surefire way to inspire another assassination attempt for me to fight off + look cool" "oh boy" "i am going to sign into a law a .01% tax increase" "you fiend" "it's the only way i'm afraid" King Bran takes out his favourite pen and scribbles his signature on the pre-written law. "DIE YOU MONSTER" An assassin leaps from the shadows, and King Bran shoots her in the stomach with his gun. Jakey rushes over and takes off her mask, revealing that it is Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/gun jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 031: Touch the Untouchable [Resistance Leadour]
"jakey thank you for saving me; now we must strike back against the resistance resistance movement" "how dare they resist our resistance" "i know right!!!" "so what do we know about these people" "it's my stupid twin cousin resistance resistour and that harlot of a secretary he's got" "so to chicago then?" "yes" Jakey and Resistance Leadour hop into The Motherfucker and head to Chicago, where all evil twin cousins live. Resistance Leadour kicks down the door to Resistance Resistour's resistance resistance HQ, where Carrie sits, filing her nails. "hello we called ahead and made an appointment" "whatever" Without looking up, Carrie hits the button that opens the door with her knee. "hello come on i-oh it's just you" Resistance Resistour sighs. "we're here to shut you down PERMANENTLY" Jakey fires a round straight into Resistance Resistour's skull. "WHAT THE FUCK" "i-i-i thought was my cue" "YOU JUST KILLED MY COUSIN" "I CAN FIX IT" Jakey runs over to Resistance Resistour, cuts his own hand open, and spills the blood into Resistance Resistour's wound. Resistance Resistour wakes up with a start. "SEE GOOD AS NEW" "OKAY I GET IT I WILL STOP RESISTING YOUR RESISTANCE FOR A WHILE (but not for long as it is really what i was born to do)" "THANK you" Resistance Leadour storms out of the building, still angry with Jakey. "to be fair dude i totally thought you were supposed to shoot me too" "pfft women" "totally" Michelle is sucked into the room through the bullet hole in the wall behind Resistance Resistour. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/resistance resistance jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 032: Break the Unbreakable [Resistance Leadour]
"now it is time jakey to truly RESIST" "..." "..." "um resist what' "..." "..." "i-uh hmm" Resistance Leadour puts her hand on her chin. "i... never thought about it before" "fair enough i suppose" Jakey and Resistance Leadour sit down and resist at nothing in particular. Michelle walks in through the door, as one does. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/vague relationship with Resistance Leadour]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 033: Time is Changing Everything [Special Agent Grace]
"jakey your students are weird and smell funny so i have sent in the decoy to teach for you" "god bless that decoy" "and while the decoy is doing that..." Grace pulls two tickets out of her breast pocket. "we can go to the ballet" "GROAN" "only joking these tickets are for the CARNIVAL" "i'm really glad that the nation of alabama instated a ban on clowns and all clown-related activities or i'd be scared" Grace nods. "god bless these backwoods yokels" Jakey and Grace hop into The Motherfucker and drive to the carnival, where they hand their tickets to Kathy and enter the gates. "so we're going to see the magic show right" "oh yes i have been a fan of the great cheryl since i was a little girl and she was also a little girl because that is how time works" Jakey and Grace enter the tent where The Great Cheryl is performing. "and for my next trick i will defy the laws of physics, specifically pertaining to the spatial relationship between objects!!!" The Great Cheryl winks at the audience cutely and walks over to her little table, which she sets her hat onto. The Great Cheryl taps the side of her hat once with her magic wand, reaches her hand inside, and pulls out Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/carnival t-shirt/The Great Cheryl missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 034: I Know About This School [Special Agent Grace]
"okay i have compiled the data the decoy has gotten on your students" "and?" "they've been smoking the marijuana" "OH FUCK NO" "oh fuck yes" "WE HAVE LAWS AGAINST THIS FOR A REASON" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and burns rubber toward the Alabama University, crashing into the wall of his classroom. "ALL RIGHT NOBODY MOVE I HAVE CALLED THE POLICE" "DUDE THERE ARE TWO PROFESSOR JAKEYS" Jakey realises he hasn't extricated the decoy, and attempts to hide it before The Police show up. "YOU ARE ONLY SEEING TWO JAKEYS BECAUSE OF THE MARIJUANA" "oh okay then" "yeah that makes sense" The Police march in and handcuff all of the students. "great work detective jakey" "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME I HAVE RIGHTS I WAS JUST HOLDING IT FOR SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT IS A MARIJUANA TEMPORARY INSANITY YOUR HONOUR" Stewart Copeland drags Michelle into the police van kicking and screaming. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sting missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 035: Revelations [Alabama Detention Centre]
"all right lady you going to tell me what you know or am i going to have to use the most cruel torture methods imaginable on you" "alabama has laws against such inhumanity you know" "that's the thing: i have diplomatic immunity" "FUCK" Jakey grabs an axe from the table beside him. "last chance" "go on i can take it" "i warned you"  Jakey holds out the assassin's arm and hacks at it with the axe. Once the arm is removed, Jakey cuts open his own hand and drips his blood on the wound, causing the arm to grow back. Jakey then repeats the process indefinitely. "OKAY OKAY YOU WIN" "hooray" "ask your questions or whatever" "1: who sent you" "never met the guy; all requests were prepaid through the mail with no return address" "2: what is your name" "sophia" "3: will you go on a date with me" "..." "..." "if i say 'no' will you hack off my arm again" "no" "i'll think about it" "hooray" Jakey lets Sophia go free and shoos her out through the secret escape tunnel. "yo jakey what happened to the assassin" Jakey points to the pile of arms in the corner of the room. "did you at least get the information from her" "i have a suspect" "all right i'll leave it to you" Sheriff Antony walks off as his men drag Michelle into the torture chamber. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Sophia missions/Post Lady Layla missions/Sheriff Antony missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:52 pm

Mission 036: Call it Magic, Cut Me in Two [The Great Cheryl]
"jerry i am running out of magic" "it's jakey" "see how bad it's affecting me i can't even remember the name of my favourite assistant" "smooth" "we've got to get to the mystic forest before-" The Great Cheryl stumbles a bit. "quick we have to go now before-" The Great Cheryl collapses into Jakey's arms. "FUCK" Jakey carries The Great Cheryl to The Motherfucker and blasts off to the Mystic Forest. "okay we're here now what" "it's okay senator i haven't dranken too much to pilot this bicycle" "oh no i'm losing her; 'dranken' isn't a word" "nonsense just put it on my tab you know i'm good for it" Jakey shakes The Great Cheryl, but gets no coherent response. "of course i'll be good for the babysitter charlene" "who the fuck is charlene" Jakey pulls out his phone and quickly looks up how to stop someone from running out of magic. "raise your glasses of wine to the toast of the daycare centre" "GOT IT" Jakey pulls out his fire axe and chops down one of the great mystic oaks of the Mystic Forest, picks it up, and slams it into the woodchipper. "lover i'm on the street gonna go where the bright lights and the big city meet" "FUCK SHIT FUCK" Jakey scoops up all the wood shavings he can and combines them with a glass of milk to create a pulpy mixture. "with a red guitar... on fire" The robe The Great Cheryl was wearing disappears, and in its place appears a nametag. "QUICK DRINK THIS CH-charlotte?" A punch flies from The Great Cheryl by reflex. Jakey nearly spills the mixture, but regains his balance and pours it down The Great Cheryl's throat. Her nametag disappears, and her robe reappears. "oh thank god i was worried there for a minute" "don't worry about it charlotte" The Great Cheryl leaps onto Jakey and begins wailing on his face. "tell anyone what you saw and i will make you and everyone you hold dear disappear FOREVER" "g-got it" "good" Michelle flies out of the woodchipper. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Mystic Forest jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 037: He Ain't Gonna Let Those Two Escape Justice [The Great Cheryl]
"jerry that tree you cut down was the ELDER OAK which was the oldest and most powerful of all the trees in the mystic forest" "oops" "no actually this is great; now i have POWER UNTOLD and will never go back to being" The Great Cheryl shudders. "normal" The Great Cheryl REEEs internally. "glad i could help" "now that my magic is more powerful than ever, i feel like it's a good time to start a crime-fighting career as THE GREAT CHERYL" "but you're already-" "it's not my fault i picked out the best name first try" "fair enough" "you can be my sidekick" The Great Cheryl snaps her fingers, and Jakey is donned in his The Mighty Helo Mam costume. "oh great you already have a secret identity jeremy" "you'd think with all your 'power untold' you'd be able to remember my name" "COME SIDEKICK IT IS TIME TO FIGHT CRIME AS ONLY WE CAN" The Great Cheryl symbol flashes on-screen. "Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" "How Many Purses Have You Stolen From Old Ladies Robert Truckdriver" "Thirty" "Soon Our Names Will Be In The Petty Crime Hall Of Fame" "And All Our Dreams Will Have Come True" "You Said It Robert Truckdriver" "YOUR CRIME WAVE ENDS TODAY, VILLAINS" "Oh No It's... The Great Cheryl?" "What Are You Going To Do, Pull A Rabbit Out Of Your Hat?" "While Admittedly Impressive, That Will Not Stop Us" The Great Cheryl points at Robert Truckdriver 36 with her wand and raises him up off the ground. Meanwhile, The Mighty Helo Mam flips over Robert Truckdriver 54 and takes him in a chokehold. "Okay Okay We Give" "We Will Give Back All The Purses" "good choice" The two heroes release the two Robert Truckdrivers, who drop all their stolen purses on the ground. The Great Cheryl and The Mighty Helo Mam rifle through the purses and take all cash for themselves, then return the purses to the station. "oh thank god; we have about seventy old ladies here complaining at us" Deputy Orange places all the purses on the table, and the old ladies trample him to get to their purses. Michelle grabs about ten purses off the counter and runs off. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/$527/Deputy Orange missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 038: The Bed's Too Big Without You [Sting]
"jakey someone is violating the alabama bed size ordinance passed in 1906 by the king bran of that time; he is sleeping in a king-size bed ALONE and he is NOT ROYALTY" "THE FIEND" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and peels out toward the house of the criminal, busting down the door when he gets there. "ALL RIGHT NOBODY MOVE" Jakey fires his gun wildly into the house. "Wh-What Seems To Be The Problem Officer" "YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN A BED DECREED BY ALABAMA NATIONAL LAW TO BE TOO BIG FOR ONE PERSON" "I-I Haven't Had The Money To Replace It After My Girlfriend Left Me" "how long ago was this" "Over A Decade Ago" "i find it hard to believe that you got away with this for twenty years" "I Normally Stuff The Bed With Extra Pillows And Hug Them To Give The Impression That I Am Sleeping With A Woman" "okay tell me your girlfriend's number" Jakey dials the number as Robert Truckdriver 43 tells him it. "yo girl" "oh hey jakey we still on for friday" "totally" "sweet i have been looking forward to it" "me too" "was there anything else" "uh keep up the good work" "will do" Candice salutes Jakey before she hangs up her phone. "So Did You-" "haha no" Jakey slaps a pair of handcuffs onto Robert Truckdriver 43 and throws him in the back of The Motherfucker. Michelle crawls out of Robert Truckdriver 43's bed. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Construction Candice missions]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 039: Darkness [Sting]
"jakey the power's gone out" "oh good i thought i'd gone blind there for a minute" "go out back and trip the breaker" "can do" Jakey goes outside with a flashlight and trips over the breaker, which lies broken on the ground. Jakey calls Sting over the CB. "breaker breaker i've tripped over the breaker because someone has broken it over" "... oh goddammit" A rustling is heard in the bushes. "BREAKER BREAKER I THINK THE BREAKER BREAKER IS STILL ON THE PREMISES OVER" "well find him while i get andy summers to fix the broken breaker" Jakey cautiously walks toward the bush, flashlight drawn. and rummages through the bushes, finding Stewart Copeland. "oh it's just you" "yeah sorry i was the one who broke the breaker when i was trying to transport these broken brakepads to the lock-up, as they are evidence in a break-in case, but i broke my leg as well and i've been waiting here for help" "breaker breaker i've found the breaker breaker it was all just an accident; the breaker and the breaker breaker's leg were broken while transporting the break-in's broken brakepads over" "i'll send for a medic" Another rustling is heard in the bushes. "breaker breaker i'm hearing further noises in the bushes unrelated to the breaker breaker over" "WELL CHECK IT OUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE" Jakey checks the next set of bushes, finding Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/breaker t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 040: Date Night [Sophia]
Jakey knocks on the door to Sophia's house. "hello i am ready for our date" "as am i" "so what do you like to do for fun" "karaoke" "..." "..." "i was not expecting that one" "sorry to disappoint you" "oh no this is the opposite of a disappointment; i was prepared to explain to you in detail what 'fun' is" Jakey hucks his notecards in the trash. "let's go i know a place" Jakey and Sophia hop into The Motherfucker and head down to the karaoke bar. "i'll go first soas to get the tone for the night's festivities" "by all means" Sophia takes the stage and grabs her microphone, singing the most romantic of songs, Carl Douglas's 'Kung-Fu Fighting'. Jakey sweats, as Sophia has gone in hard. Sophia's performance recieves cheers from the audience, and she hops off the stage to hand the microphone to Jakey. Trembling, Jakey selects the only song he knows that can top the romantic majesty of 'Kung-Fu Fighting'. "this one's for you sophia" Jakey proceeds to belt out a soaring rendition of 'Call Me Maybe'. A single tear streams down Sophia's face as a smile forms on her lips for the first time since this morning, when she remembered a humourous cat picture she'd seen on the internet a week prior. One audience member, however, is not amused. "GET OFF THE STAGE" Michelle throws a bottle at Jakey's head. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Carly Rae Jepsen t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 041: Come Hell or High Water [Post Lady Layla]
"excuse me miss post lady i'd like to talk to you" "sorry citizen i am delivering the mail; for the mail must ALWAYS GO THROUGH" "but this is a matter of national security-" Post Lady Layla does not stop on her quest to deliver the mail, for the mail must always go through. What would society have if not for mail? Madness. Post Lady Layla is confident that she is doing God's work, and will eventually deliver letters to the Lord Himself in His kingdom of Heaven. Amen. "goddammit get back here" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and runs down Post Lady Layla, who dodges swiftly. "ENEMY OF THE MAIL, YOU MUST BE ELIMINATED" "wait what" Post Lady Layla attempts to crash through the windshield of The Motherfucker, thinking that it is but a normal car, but splatters against its windshield. "ready to talk yet" "i-i guess so" "did you deliver this letter requesting an assassination of king bran be carried out" "ah yes; i remember the sender well" "who was it" "IT IS IMMORAL TO DISCUSS SUCH MATTERS" "pfft" Jakey activates the windshield wipers, swishing Post Lady Layla around rather painfully. "you cannot sway my noble soul citizen for i am not only an agent of the alabamanian government, but also an agent of GOD" "r-really?!" Post Lady Layla nods. "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck" Jakey scrapes Post Lady Layla off the windshield, plops her into a bucket, and cuts his own hand open, covering her in blood, healing her instantly. "i will be on my way now citizen" Jakey salutes as Post Lady Layla runs off to deliver the rest of the mail, for a post lady's job is never done. Michelle oozes up from the bottom of the bucket. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/post jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 042: There Was Sand and Hills and Rings [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey i've gotten a tip about an old abandonned assassin hideout that DOESN'T have all its shit destroyed" "a-are you sure that won't advance the plot too much? we're not close enough to the end for this to feel safe" "relax; i'm sure there won't be any earth-shattering revelations there" "o-okay" Jakey and Sheriff Antony hop into The Motherfucker and head for the old abandonned assassin hideout on Freedom Fries Boulevard. "wow look at all these old records of completed assassinations; billy mays, jon bon jovi III, sh-sheriff antony?!" "what let me see that" Sheriff Antony grabs the document out of Jakey's hands. Jakey looks up to see an assassin poised above, about to strike. "LOOK OUT" Jakey shoves Sheriff Antony out of the way and takes the fatal blow himself. "JAKEY" "i'm good" Jakey reforms his wound after the assassin's blade exits. "oh, right" Sheriff Antony pops the assassin in the head, killing him instantly. "now to remove his mask and discover his true identity" Sheriff Antony removes the assassin's mask to reveal an identical mask underneath. "DAMN HE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING" Sheriff Antony shoots his remaining five bullets into the corpse in anger. Michelle steps out from behind a desk. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/assassin jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 043: Desperate Measures [Deputy Orange]
"jakey we've got a distress signal from the negative dimension" "oh boy" "observe" Deputy Orange opens up a portal, and a short and stout man pops out. "yo what's up little teapot" "YOU FOOLS; YOU HAVE UNLEASHED THE WRATH OF THE GRAND GEORGINI UNTO THE WORLD" "dude you look like ten years younger than you did ten years ago" "ARE YOU DUMB OR SOMETHING; IT'S THE NEGATIVE DIMENSION, TIME FLOWS BACKWARD" "fair enough" "NOW YOU JUST TRY AND STOP MY WRATH" "okay" Jakey kicks The Grand Georgini in the shin, but he is unmoved. "YOU FOOL; I HAVE THE POWER OF INCREASED DENSITY; AFFORDED TO ME BY THE NEGATIVE DIMENSION" The Grand Georgini steps on a nearby scale to demonstrate. "oh no this man looks like he's only 200 pounds but he's actually closer to a thousand" "how does so much mass fit into that barrel-chested 4'10 frame" "THE MAGIC OF THE NEGATIVE DIMENSION IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE BY ALL BY THE GRANDEST OF WIZARDS" "oh good idea" Jakey grabs his phone and calls The Great Cheryl. "yo the great cheryl i'd like to book a private show right now at-" The Great Cheryl appears in a puff of smoke. "YOU" "me!" The Great Cheryl smiles and raises her arms into the air. "so what would you kids like to see" "i'd like you to rebanish the grand georgini to the negative dimension" "CAN DO" The Great Cheryl begins muttering the magic words. "OH NO YOU DON'T" The Grand Georgini begins a charge toward The Great Cheryl, and Jakey and Deputy Orange try to slow him down, barely fazing him. By the time The Grand Georgini makes it to The Great Cheryl, however, the spell is complete and he is sucked back into the Negative Dimension. "yay hooray" "that will be 1000$" "i'll list it as a tax write-off" Deputy Orange hands The Great Cheryl a crisp 10,000 Alabama Fun Bux note, and she bows and disappears in a second puff of smoke. "god bless that woman" "hey i've got a second portal to the negative dimension" "crack that shit open" Deputy Orange cracks open the second portal, and Michelle pops out. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Great Cheryl missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:53 pm

Mission 044: I Never Wanna Die [Deputy Orange]
"jakey there is a new breed of criminals we must now deal with; sailors of the sky who rob airplanes while wearing jetpacks" "DUDE THAT SOUNDS AWESOME AS FUCK" Deputy Orange nods. "but what is more awesome is a pair of law enforcement officers taking to the skies in their own jetpacks to fight crime" "FUCK YES" Deputy Orange hands Jakey a jetpack, but he shakes his head. Jakey presses a button on his keychain, causing The Motherfucker to turn into a jetpack. The two suit up and blast off into the skies. "there they are now" "those don't look like any robert truckdriver clones i've ever seen" "does all crime have to be committed by robert truckdriver clones?" "the way my life goes? yes" Jakey and Deputy Orange flank the group of criminals, holding up the stewardess, Kathy. "JUST GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND NO ONE GETS HURT" "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM" "SEE THE FACE OF FEAR" The criminals fire upon Jakey and Deputy Orange, their bullets soaring through the blue sky. Jakey whips out his own gun and fires, scoring a direct hit on one of the criminals' jetpacks. "I'M FALLING DOWN" Suddenly, another criminal swoops down and grabs the other before he reaches terminal velocity. "when you fall down, i fall down" "how touching" Jakey fires another round at the rescuer, sending them both tumbling down. The third and final criminal fires at Jakey's jetpack where Jakey had fired at his friends', not knowing that The Motherfucker is bulletproof. "ooh too bad; thanks for playing - here's your prize" Jakey pops a bullet straight into the criminal's head, killing him instantly. "that went well" "i'm surprised" Michelle jumps out of the plane, but she'd forgotten her parachute. Jakey swoops down and catches her. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/airline jacket]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:54 pm

Mission 045: House Call [Construction Candice]
"jakey i have received word of a man with deep trouble at his house" "well what are we waiting for let's go" "we're already there though jakey" "damn we're fast" "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM CITIZEN" "my house is sinking" "oh that's what you meant by deep" "i'd very much like for it to stop sinking" The house is very crooked, with one side being normal and the other being many feet below ground. "all right i'll hop in the crane and lift it up while jakey goes underneath and sees what the problem is" "since this is potentially dangerous and a house could fall on top of me, i'd like payment in advance" "fine" Harvey gives Jakey a 2,500 Alabama Fun Bux note. "all right here i go" Jakey hops down into the pit that used to be the house's basement, where he sees a few dozen Robert Truckdriver clones squatting on one side of the basement. "uh-" "We Don't Have A Place To Stay So We're Squatting In This Abandonned House" "it's not abandonned" "This Abandonned Basement Then" "can you like squat with your weight evenly distributed so that one side of the house doesn't sink into nothingness" "That Does Sound Like A Better Idea; Squatting On A Slope Is Not The Easiest Thing I've Ever Done" The Robert Truckdriver clones first squat on the other side of the basement to rebalance it, then the squat such that their weight does not affect the house's tilt. "way to go dudes" Jakey hops out of the basement, and the house is lowered back onto it. "i have fixed the problem" "thank you for fixing the problem" Jakey and Harvey take turns nodding at eachother until Michelle walks between them, forcing their nods to be directed at her. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Harvey Kinkle missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:54 pm

Mission 046: Spooky City Planners [Construction Candice]
"jakey it's horrible; the city planners are on strike and refusing to plan the city so i can't build anything and thus i won't get paid and i'll lose my house and have to live on the street like some kind of hobo I'M NOT READY TO EAT OUT OF DUMPSTERS JAKEY THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE I WANTED TO DO" "fucking UNIONS ruining life for everyone else; it's just not right" Jakey rolls up his sleeves and hops into The Motherfucker with Candice, and they head to the city hall. "What Do We Want" "Uh I Thought You Knew" "This Was Your Idea" "Well Uh-" "OKAY GET BACK TO WORK" Jakey pops Robert Truckdriver 67 in the kneecap. "Uh Right Away Sir" The remaining strikers head back to continue planning the city. Jakey calls Doctor Vladimir to look after Robert Truckdriver 67. "all's well that ends well" "except for that guy, who will likely have to relearn to walk" "you had to make an example of somebody though" "true" The nurses jog the stretcher over to Robert Truckdriver 67, dump Michelle off, and pick him up. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Doctor Vladimir missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:54 pm

Mission 047: Can't Wake Up [The Great Cheryl]
"jeremy i have heard reports of a man who cannot wake from his night terrors, and we, as a magical superhero and her not-so-magical sidekick, must solve his problems" "word" The Great Cheryl waves her wand, and she and Jakey appear next to Professor Eif. "now you will enter the realm of dreams and dispell his nightmares" The Great Cheryl teleports Jakey into the dream world while she sits next to the bed and reads the latest issue of Kathy Magazine. Jakey appears in the realm of dreams, surrounded by the sound of shattering glass. Windows break all around as Professor Eif attempts to glue all the shards back to the original forms. "IT'LL BE FINE GERRY AND TERRY YOU'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN RIGHT AS RAIN" "yo professor eif-" "SHUT UP GERRY AND TERRY NEED ME" "o-okay" Jakey hops into the dream version of The Motherfucker and drives up a ramp of clouds to get to the top, where a giant version of Becky the cleaning lady is dropping windows from high in the sky. "yo beck could you like stop that" "I NEVER GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO GIVE ME A CUTE NICKNAME" Becky drops windows onto Jakey, who dodges out of the way. "you know it would hurt more if you threw anvils or something" "YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY GET HURT IN A DREAM, ONLY EMOTIONALLY" "maybe real people can't, but a figment like you CAN" Jakey pulls out his gun and fires, but only flowers come out. "I AM THE MASTER OF THIS DOMAIN; ALL WILL BOW BEFORE ME" "hmm" Jakey jumps down off the clouds. "yo professor eif i've figured out how to make this torture end" "TELL ME HOW GODDAMMIT" "all we have to do is bow before becky" "NEVER" "then i guess all your window friends will die; hey look it's perry" "NOT PERRY" Professor Eif and Jakey bow down before Becky. "you know that's all i ever really wanted" Becky disappears as all the windows reform. "oh thank god" "and jakey" "fuck off" "then i will" Jakey hops out of the dream and back into the real world. "you've solved his night terrors?" Jakey nods. "now all that's left are his day terrors" "good enough" Michelle hops out of Professor Eif's dream cloud. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Professor Eif missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:54 pm

Mission 048: External Network [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey my neighbour is stealing my internet" "you mean the internet that al gore loans to you right" "yeah that" "well have you tried renaming your network to 'please do not steal this internet'" "yes and it didn't work" "we are clearly dealing with a professional here" "that's what i thought" "well we should stake out the internet and stop whoever appears" "good idea" Jakey and Harvey wait in the bushes by the internet, and at midnight, a man clad in all black sneaks up to steal it. "CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED" "his gloves are black though" "it's just an expression" "oh right" Jakey tackles the thief. "ALL RIGHT WHO SENT YOU" "is it spinning for you the way it's spinning for me; slipping away" The thief goes limp in Jakey's arms, dead. "GODDAMMIT" "maybe he was acting alone" "if he were, he probably wouldn't have even had a cyanide capsule" "good point" Michelle dips her bucket into the internet and holds her now-full bucket behind her back. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/internet t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Everything (2016)   Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:54 pm

Mission 049: Internal Organs [Harvey Kinkle]
"jakey i found a sweet deal on a new organ for my collection of left lungs" "why only the left one" "i ran out of space so i cut my collection down a bit" "oh that makes sense" Jakey and Harvey hop into The Motherfucker and head down to Organz Я Us, where Taylor chews an ancient stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "hey we're here about that cheap left lung" "i already sold it to you remember" "uh no you didn't?" Taylor rubs his chin for a second, then comes to a startling realisation. "OHHHHH RIGHT i actually sold it to that maid; i always get you two confused" "but-" "she just left so if you leave now you're sure to catch her" Jakey and Harvey run out of the store and barrel down the street, cornering Emelyn. "h-hey jakey and uh h-HARVEY?!" "that's me" "I'M A HUGE FAN PLEASE SIGN MY UH" Emelyn feels her pockets, noticing she didn't bring anything that could reasonably be signed. "don't sweat it; i always carry autograph cards with me - who should i make this out to" "e-emelyn" "E-M-M-E-L-I-N-E?" "ah no no E-M-E-L-Y-N" "that's why i always ask" Harvey makes out a card saying 'To Emelyn; keep on truckin' - Harvey' and hands it to Emelyn. "o-oh my god i-i am so happy how can i ever thank you" "well i really like that lung you've got" "by all means" Emelyn hands Harvey the lung. "why did you have that anyway" Emelyn shrugs. "i saw it in the shop window and i just thought it was so cute" Michelle walks by, smoking ten cigarettes at once, and hacks up a lung. Unfortunately, it is a right lung, so Jakey puts it back inside of her and bleeds on it to heal it back up. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/left lung jacket/Emelyn missions]
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Everything (2016)
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