Gwendolyn and the Seven Cool Dudes

EPYSODE ONE:
So, there was this one time, in, like an enchanted realm and shit? The evil queen Kathy walks up to her magic mirror. "mirror mirror on the wall; who's the blondest bimbo of all" "what is without is more important than what is within; the blondest babe is gwendolyn" "what that's fuckin bullshit you fuckin goddamn piece of shit" Kathy kicks in the magic mirror's glass, and pulls out a second, more ornate magic mirror. "mirror mirror in my hand; who's the blondest in the land" "i believe you know of she; her name begins with a G" "FUCK" Kathy throws the second mirror to the ground and grabs a third out of storage. "mirror mirror twas in the shed; whose hair is blondest on their head" "gwendolyn" "GODDAMMIT"

EPYSODE TWO:
"ay yo blondie with the piercing red eyes" Gwendolyn turns around to see an old greying lady. "why are you walking alone tonight" "i'm like SUPER-hungry and wanted a snack" "ayo i got just the thing" The older woman produces single red apple, as dark and deep in colour as Gwendolyn's eyes. "sweet how much" "for you? free" "wait what's the catch" "... catch?" "yeah there's no such thing as a free midnight snack what's your angle" "fine that'll be two dollars" "fair enough" Gwendolyn hands the old woman two dollars and bites into the apple, becoming frozen stiff. Her heart hadn't beaten and she hadn't taken a single breath in over 400 years, so there's nothing new there.

EPYSODE THREE:
"hi ho hi ho we're the coolest dudes" "we mine for gems" "and sell them for ladies' nudes" "from which our happiness stems" "oh what a life it is" "to be super-cool" "golly gee whizz" "we're the coolest kids in school" "there's eifi and jakey and sheriff antony" "there's tony and taylor and brucie" "and then of course there's bran" "oh shit guys there's a lady here" The seven cool dudes rush over to Gwendolyn's side. "she appears to be unconcious" "so how do we play this boys" "i think we should bring her home and nurse her back to health so that then she will be so grateful that she shows us her boobs" "sounds like a plan" The seven cool dudes grab Gwendolyn's lifeless body and drag her back to their hut, singing about how cool and genius they are.

EPYSODE FOUR:
"so i've done some research and apparently the lady will only awake for true love's kiss" "so if we keep that from her forever, we can take off her clothes and grope her ample bosom all we want" "and we can also touch her hair" The other six cool dudes stare at Jakey quizically. "you were all thinking it" "i can't say that i was" "but wait boys what if one of US is this lady's true love" "i suppose it couldn't hurt to try" In turn, the seven cool dudes walk up and plant a sloppy kiss onto Gwendolyn's lips, hoping that they will be the one to break the spell. Unfortunately, none of them can; not even Bran, the coolest dude of all. "well that sucked" "so should we search for her real true love or just use her as a decoration" "decoration" "decoration" "yeah" "mmm" "then it's settled"

EPYSODE FIVE:
"what a nice little house" Orange knocks on the door to the little hut. "hello" "um hi" "i was just walking in the woods and i happened upon this house so can i come inside and rest a bit" "uh sure dude" Brucie lets Orange inside. "woah is that a dead girl" "no she's just unconcious; waiting for 'true love's kiss' or something" "can i try" "sure it's not like you'll actually wake her up" Orange walks over to Gwendolyn and plants his lips onto her mouth, waking her up instantly. "WHAT HAPPENED" "uh you were unconcious so we took you inside yesterday and tried to wake you up and you could only be awoken by true love's kiss so this guy kissed you and you woke up" "hi i'm orange" "oh fuck no ORANGE is my true love? fuck that" Gwendolyn walks out into the sunlight outside the hut and turns to dust instantly, floating away on a breeze. "NOW look what you've done" "we didn't even get to grope her once" "fuck you orange" Orange hangs his head, as he knows that only he is to blame.
THE END