ACT I: Zierikzee
You wake up in an unfamiliar house and in an unfamiliar body. It's odd; you can't seem to remember much of anything.
>Look at self
You are lying on a slightly lumpy bed. You're wearing rags, and in your hands are more rags. A copy of today's newspaper lies at your side, and you have seven dollars in your rag pocket. You also seem to have a Canadian ID in your pocket. Your name is apparently Jakey.
>Wish you had a better name
You briefly imagine what it would be like if you were named something cool, like Rick Scoop or Scooter Brown. However, you soon realise that now is not the time for daydreaming.
>Look at newspaper
Apparently, the president of Uzbekistan has declared war on Canada in a bid for control of the nation's prosperous maple syrup industry. This enrages you, as your natural Canadian pride is something you could never forget.
>Look at house
It's not so much a house as a one-room hut. Aside from the bed you're lying on, the only thing in it is a single-drawer nightstand with a lamp on it.
You find two pens, some more rags, a pair of cufflinks, and Sheriff Antony's wife. You know it's her because of the name tag.
>Interrogate Sheriff Antony's wife
She refuses to say anything.
>Threaten to break the pens if she doesn't tell you everything
She frantically begs you to spare the pens, and tells you that her husband is sheriffing at the old mill.
>Breathe a sigh of relief that she did not call the bluff
You exhale due to an overwhelming sense of relief. You also wipe the sweat off of your brow for kicks.
>Combine rags with pens
You have created a class B weapon, the ragpens. They deal moderate-to-severe damage to all paper-based opponents. Their effects otherwise are unknown.
You are temporarily blinded by the sun as you step outside. It quickly fades, however, and you can see a giant rat at a fork in the road.
>Curse the sun's sweltering and oppressive nature
You curse the sun for its sweltering and oppressive nature. The sun appears unfazed.
>Spit at sun in a display of complete disrespect
You spit straight upwards in an attempt to disrespect the sun. However, gravity thwarts this attempt, and the saliva you expelled comes crashing down on your face. You could have sworn that you saw the sun snicker, but you quickly dismiss that idea as foolish.
>Curse gravity for being in cahoots with the sun
You scream at the top of your lungs into the sky, then turn your attention to the ground. You're not really sure where to look when cursing out gravity.
Two paths branch off from the house. The signpost points to Zierikzee to the east, and Noeth to the west. The giant rat is waving a handkerchief at you, presumably so that you can wipe the saliva off your face.
>Ask rat how he feels
The rat looks at you with genuine enthusiasm. "je suis trés bien, merci. et tu?"
>Try to speak French back at rat
You muster up all the French you know. "bonjour; parlais vous francais" The rat smiles. "oui!" The rat hands you the handkerchief, a pair of sandals, and twelve dollars.
>Wipe face with handkerchief
Your face is no longer wet. However, the handkerchief has become wet in its place.
>Fashion socks out of rags and put the sandals on over them
You gain the HIGH FASHION skill, which increases your charisma and style.
You head down the western path. Before you lies a large city surrounded by high walls. A single guard stands watch at the gate.
The guard says "hello".
>Ask for entrance to the city
The guard refuses to let you pass. The city is closed due to an outbreak of plague.
>Attempt to charm guard
The guard cocks his head to the side. He is very confused as to the reason why you'd want to enter a plague-infested city, and he denies you entry.
>Attempt to climb over the wall
Your agility is not high enough to scale the wall. You fall to the ground with a "thud". The guard stares at you with growing confusion.
>Dust self off and head back to the fork in the road
You dust yourself off and head back to the fork in the road. The giant rat has left.
>Search for footprints
Sadly, none can be found. The giant rat did a remarkable job of covering his tracks.
>Head east to Zierikzee
You head east until you reach a small town.
You realise that it's not really a town, per se, as it is only comprised of two buildings; a general store and a pub. The path you are on leads past the two buildings into what appears to be a mine.
You enter the general store and ask to browse his wares. However, all he has are rags and "mystery meat".
>Exit the store
The shopkeeper is a bit angry that you left without saying "goodbye", but swallows his anger. You are standing on the porch of the general store.
>Enter the pub
You enter the local pub, The Old Mill. Inside are Sheriff Antony and a young girl behind the counter. You judge the girl to be no more than eight years old. The two of them are staring straight at you.
>Ruthlessly interrogate the toughest-looking person in the pub
You interrogate the little girl ruthlessly and efficiently, causing her to run off crying. By the official rules of Zeirkeean combat, you are now the legal owner of the pub. Sheriff Antony stares blankly at a wall.
>Express displeasure at the responsibility suddenly thrust upon you, and lament the implied inability to go on adventures
You vent your frustrations by punching a wall. A single tear streams down your face; your entire being against the implied inability to go on adventures. The phone on the bar counter rings.
The person on the other end is none other than Sheriff Antony's wife (you can tell by the nametag). She tells you of her lifelong dream to be a bartender, and says goodbye. She is about to hang up.
>Offer Sheriff Antony's wife job as bartender
You hear an audible gasp and a loud slam. Mere seconds later, Sheriff Antony's wife bursts in (you can tell by the nametag). She salutes you and takes up her post behind the bar. Sheriff Antony continues to stare at a wall.
>Offer Sheriff Antony a position in your newly-formed Adventure Squad
Sheriff Antony accepts your offer. A large keypad appears, and a screen prompts you to name your Adventure Squad. There is a twenty-character limit, and the name must include the words "Adventure Squad". So, really, there's a four-character limit.
>Name Adventure Squad "Adventure Squad Shoe"
The name is accepted. Sheriff Antony joins your Adventure Squad, and falls in line directly behind you. He will follow directly behind you unless otherwise stated. In his inventory are two revolvers, a sheriff costume, an empty hip flask, ten dollars, and Sheriff Antony's horse.
>Consolidate Adventure Squad funds
Sheriff Antony is hesitant, but realises that it is for the good of the Adventure Squad. You now have twenty-nine dollars.
You exit the pub. You can see into the shop across the street. The shopkeeper glares at you. The sun is hidden behind some clouds.
>Head down the path to the mines
You walk down the path without incident and end up at the entrance to the mines. From the entrance, there are three paths. Signs nearby name them as "Lefty", "Middley", and "George".
>Head down good ol' Lefty
You head down Lefty, and soon come to a ravine. A rock guy is standing in front of the ravine.
>Examine rock guy
You stare intently at the rock guy, and the rock guy stares back. You determine that he is very much made of rock, or maybe some cleverly-disguised wood. And you've heard that they're doing wonderous things with plastic these days.
>Greet the rock or wood or possibly plastic guy with genuine enthusiasm
You muster up as much enthusiasm as you can, uh... muster, and greet the guy made of an as-of-yet unknown material. The aforementioned guy does not much care for enthusiasm, and draws his rock hammer. He begins to charge at you, growling.
>Coordinate a group attack on the guy
You draw your trusty ragpens. The guy recoils in horror. "NOT RAGPENS; MY ONE WEAKNESSSSSSS" The guy stumbles backward until he is teetering on the edge of the ravine. Sheriff Antony draws his twin revolvers and fires upon the guy. "NOT REVOLVERS; MY ONE WEAKNESSSSSSSSSS" The guy is blasted off the edge of the ravine and falls down. You cannot see the extent of his fall from where you are standing.
The ravine is probably fifty feet deep, and fifteen feet across. On the other side, there are approximately fifteen guys of similar composition as the one that was shot into the ravine. Fourteen are staring at you with their mouths agape, and the other is off to one side, bawling his eyes out. The guy that was shot down is at the very bottom of the ravine, along with his rock hammer. There is no visible way to get down to where he fell, but you can see a small rope bridge leading to the other side on a lower level. If you tried to jump to it from where you are, you would likely fall through the wood and splatter on the very bottom. There is a cloak dangling from a branch on your side of the ravine that you could easily reach.
You grab the cloak and put it into your inventory.
The cloak is made of fine silk, and is just your size. It would also fit Sheriff Antony pretty well. The cloak still has its price tag, which identifies it as the "+1 cloak of -1 everything", purchased at Macy's for $29.99. Judging by the pristine condition of the cloak and its tag, you'd say it was purchased no more than three days ago, unless it was intended as a gift. You'd have to see the receipt for definitive answers, to be honest.
>Search area for receipt
Desperate to learn the true origins of the mysterious cloak, you search every inch of Lefty, but do not come up with any receipt. You do, however, find a neat-looking rock.
>Examine neat-looking rock
It's a rock. It looks pretty neat.
>Take the neat-looking rock to a rock appraiser to learn its true value
Fortunately, Sheriff Antony happens to be a rock appraiser as a hobby, specialising in neat-looking rocks. The rock you've picked up is a rare breed of rock called "pretty fucking neat rock". Its approximate value is $100 at retail, but certain collectors might be willing to pay more.
>Return to fork
Against all odds, all three paths into the mines are in tact, as well as the exit back to the town. Someone has renamed one of the paths with a red crayon. From left to right, the paths are named Vera, Middley, and George.
>Proceed down Middley
As you head down Middley, you see the same rope bridge that you'd seen from the ravine down Vera. You assume that all fifteen guys are still present on the other side.
>Go back to the fork and head down George
Unable to face the guys just yet, you return to the fork and proceed down the final path, George. It quickly comes to a dead end.
>Feel up the wall for hidden switches, really getting all up into the thing
You graphically violate the wall in a desperate attempt to stall for time. Sheriff Antony covers his eyes. After several minutes of intense probing, you stumble upon a hidden switch and the dead end slides downward to reveal a hidden room.
The room appears to be a lair of some sort. Inside are gadgets and accessories for some sort of cat-themed superhero.
>Ponder the existence of a cat-themed superhero
You find the idea of a cat-themed superhero ridiculous.
>Ransack superhero lair
Despite your best efforts to properly ransack the lair, you find absolutely nothing of use. Or, rather, nothing that you could bring yourself to use. You wouldn't be caught dead using cat-themed equipment. Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see Sheriff Antony steal some saltwater taffy, but you quickly dismiss the idea, as cats are not particularly fond of it.
>Exit lair and return to the rope bridge
You exit the superhero lair, careful to reclose the entrance so that no one can ever use those cat-themed accessories again. You then proceed back down George to the entrance, then down Middley to the rope bridge.
>Examine rope bridge
The bridge consists of wooden planks and rope. Despite your amnesia, you could never forget a rope bridge, as you are the leading expert on rope bridges in the land. As far as rope bridges go, it is one of the better ones that you've seen. That isn't really saying much, however. You've never been fond of rope bridges.
>Examine other side of ravine spanned by bridge
The guys on the other side have recovered their fallen comrade's body and are presently holding a funeral. Dressed in their finest clothing, the mourners take turns approaching the casket and saying a few words. The fallen guy's rock hammer is propped up against a stalagmite.
The casket is made out of wood, or maybe some cleverly-disguised rock. And you've heard that they're doing wonderous things with plastic these days. Regardless, it appears that everyone has said their words, and have taken notice of you. They are standing perfectly still, but still seem to be calling you over.
You cautiously cross the rope bridge and approach the casket. None of the guys move, aside from their heads, which remain focussed on you.
>Give moving speech about the contributions that the departed guy made to society and his impact on you as a human being
You deliver an impassioned speech, moving every guy in the procession to tears. Not a single dry eye is present. The casket closes, and is lowered into the ground, then covered by rock. The largest of the guys silently hands you the rock hammer.
>Examine rock hammer
The rock hammer is large and heavy; too heavy for you to properly wield. You can keep it in your inventory just fine, but wielding it is out of the question. It appears to be finely made, and won't break no matter how much it's used or even what it's used for.
>Solemnly thank guy
You bow your head and thank the guys. The largest guy nods his head.
You silently cross the rope bridge and begin to retreat down Middley, when you are stopped by the littlest of the guys. He says he wants to join your Aventure Squad and bring honour to the rock guy race. You silently curse yourself. Really? Wood? Why even did you think that they might be wood?
>Accept rock guy's invitation
Rocksworth joins your Adventure Squad, and falls in line directly behind Sheriff Antony. He will follow directly behind you unless otherwise stated. His inventory only contains his tuxedo, which is currently equipped.
>Give rock hammer to Rocksworth
Rocksworth tears up just thinking about his dearly departed friend, Rockington, and declines the weapon.
>Give Rocksworth +1 Cloak of -1 Everything
Rocksworth equips the cloak and acquires -1 Sadness.
>Give Rocksworth rock hammer
Having overcome his sadness, Rocksworth takes up Rockington's rock hammer.
>Return to town
You exit the mines by retreating down Middley, then go back down the path to the town. Your wet handkerchief has been changed to a damp handkerchief.
The pub appears to be lively, and the shop has a new sign which indicates that new stock is in.
The shopkeeper glares at you with barely-contained fury.
There are various upgrades available for any style of revolver, rock hammer, or ragpen. The prices appear to be a bit steep, however. Out of the corner of your eye, you swear you can see the shopkeeper adding a zero or two to the price of every item, but that's just silly. Regardless, you do not have the funds to purchase anything in this shop.
You exit the shop. Out of the corner of your eye, you swear you can see the shopkeeper maniacally grinning, but that's just silly.
It appears that another Adventure Squad has stopped in the tavern for a drink.
>Examine rival Adventure Squad
Four Adventure Squad members are crowded around a table. You can see a large man clad in silver armour, a wood guy, some kind of dog, and what appears to be a geologist.
>Examine large man
The large man's silver armour glitters in the light of the bar. He appears to be chewing on a drumstick. From this distance, you cannot tell what bird it once belonged to. You also cannot see a weapon on the man's person.
>Examine wood guy
Rocksworth glares at the wood guy. Consulting your travel guide "A Guide to Guys" (which unfortunately does not contain pictures), you find that rock guys and wood guys are natural enemies, which might make it hard to get to the table without starting a fight.
It's a small dog, happily gnawing on its own drumstick. He has a collar, but you cannot make out his name.
The geologist is examining the bar floor with his magnifying glass, occasionally picking up small pebbles and placing them in his pocket. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see the wood guy get up and head toward the bathroom.
>Engage large man in conversation.
The large man greets you happily. He says that he and his Adventure Squad (Adventure Squad Char) just got done adventuring, and that he's glad this adventure was a success, as he is retiring after they leave the pub. You notice his drumstick is chicken, and his weapon is a set of ragpens.
>Ask large man to train you in the art of ragpenmanship
The large man is happy to pass his adventuring skills onto a new generation of adventurers, and teaches you everything he knows about the art of ragpenmanship. You take to his training quickly, and he is so impressed that he passes onto you his own set of ragpens, the Silver Ragpens, which do twice as much damage as the Ordinary Ragpens you'd been using.
>Thank the large man and turn your attention to the dog
The large man accepts your thanks gladly and turns his attention back to his chicken. You then kneel down in front of the dog and see his name - Scraps. Scraps barks happily and wags his tail at your approach. The large man mentions that Scraps is a born and bred adventure dog, and wouldn't enjoy the retired life. He offers to transfer ownership of Scraps to you.
>Excitedly accept his offer
The large man smiles and hands you Scraps's ownership certificate, which binds Scraps to you. Scraps joins your Adventure Squad, and falls in line directly at your side. He does not count toward the five member limit of Adventure Squads, due to the fact that he is bound to you. However, you can only have one Adventure Pet per Adventure Squad member. Sheriff Antony's horse counts as his.
>Thank the large man again for all he's done and turn your attention to the geologist
The large man smiles again and turns his attention back to his chicken again. You approach the geologist, who doesn't seem to notice you when you say "hello" or tap him on the shoulder.
>Take out pretty fucking neat rock
As the pretty fucking neat rock exits your pocket, the geologist's head whips right around, almost giving him whiplash. The geologist's glasses fly off of his head, crashing into the bar and shattering. The geologist pulls another pair of glasses out of his pocket and puts them on his face. He then offers to pay you $2,500 for your pretty fucking neat rock.
The man snatches the pretty fucking neat rock from your hands, places $2,500 in unmarked bills in your hands, and quickly turns back to whatever it was he was doing.
>Exit the pub and head all the way back to Noeth
Sheriff Antony's wife waves goodbye as you backtrack all the way to Noeth. The trip is relatively uneventful. However, your damp handkerchief completes its transformation back into a dry handkerchief. The guard is still standing in front of the city gates.
>Ask the guard for entry once again
The guard refuses to let you or Sheriff Antony inside the city. However, he will allow Rocksworth into the city, as rock guys are immune to plague.
>Have Rocksworth enter the city alone
Rocksworth, eager to prove himself, accepts the task and enters Noeth. You and Sheriff Antony play a game of Cowboys and Indians while you wait for him to return.
END OF ACT I
ACT I STATS:
Silver Ragpens (x2)
RagSocks and Sandals
Ordinary Ragpens (x2)
A Guide to Guys (an encyclopedia on various Guys)
Adventure Pet Papers - Scraps
Dual Wielding - Ragpens (allows two ragpens to be wielded at once)
Weapons Training - Ragpenmanship (+15 damage with ragpen-type weapons)
Adventure Pet - Scraps (binds Scraps to protagonist)
Expert - Rope Bridges (allows rope bridges to be inspected for safety before crossing)
Basic French (allows communication with French people)
Amnesia (disables memory before a certain point)
Neutral Karma (able to communicate with characters regardless of alignment)
Canadian (+5 Charisma, +50 Cold Resistance, +50 Weakness to Heat, +25 Agility in snow)
HIGH FASHION (+15 Charisma, +15 Style, allows entry to fancy parties and fashion shows)
Sheriff Antony's inventory:
Hip flask (empty)
Adventure Pet Papers - Sheriff Antony's horse
Sheriff Antony's abilities:
Dual Wielding - Revolvers (allows two revolvers to be wielded at once)
Weapons Training - Revolvers (+15 damage with revolver-type weapons)
Adventure Pet - Sheriff Antony's Horse (binds Sheriff Antony's horse to Sheriff Antony)
Animal Training - Horse (allows horses to be ridden)
Appraisal - Rocks (allows accurate appraisal of rocks)
Good Karma (+50 reputation with "good" characters; -50 reputation with "evil" characters)
British (+25 Charisma, -20 Dental Hygiene, +25 Agility in rain)
Police Uniform (+5 Style, allows entry to restricted areas)
Rockington's rock hammer
+1 cloak of -1 everything
Weapons Training - Rock Hammers (+15 damage with rock hammer-type weapons)
In Memoriam (+20 damage when using Rockington's hammer)
Neutral Karma (able to communicate with characters regardless of alignment)
Made of Rock or Maybe Some Cleverly-Disguised Wood (+50 Strength, +50 Defense, immunity to disease and poison)
Formal Attire (+10 Style, allows entry to fancy parties)
-1 Everything (-1 to all stats)