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HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

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HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] HERO III: Shining Flare Wingman [Director's Cut]

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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7683
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] HERO III: Shining Flare Wingman [Director's Cut]   Thu Nov 14, 2013 8:58 pm

"GUYS I HAD THE BEST IDEA" "doubt it" "GUYS SERIOUSLY" "jakey this had better be less shitty than your last idea" Eif glances towards Jakey's inflatable condoms, then towards his newborn daughter and sighs. "the idea is that we should form A BAND" "i like this idea" "no this is a shitty idea; in fact it is so shitty that i will go along with it just to laugh when you all realise how shitty it is" "okay" "sounds good" Jakey, Eif, Bran, Michelle, and Amiee :3 head down to Instrumentz Я Us and pool their money, coming up with 53 cents, a button, and a stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "hey will you give us awesome instruments for 53 cents, a button, and a stick of trident sugar-free chewing gum" "oh fuck i love trident sugar-free chewing gum" The cashier, Taylor, pops the stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum in his mouth, and hands them all instruments. "thank you come again" The manager, Svart, sees them on their way out. "hey where's my trident sugar-free chewing gum" A single tear streams down Svart's face. "i demand compensation" "what if we PLAY ROCK MUSIC" "that's a shitty idea; so shitty, in fact, that i'm going to let you do it to see how shitty it is"

01: If Only We Hadn't Given That First Stick of Trident Sugar-Free Chewing Gum to That Hobo - Instrumentz Я Us
Van Morrison/"Brown-Eyed Girl"
The Presidents of the United States of America/"Lump"
John Lennon/"What You Got"
A Flock of Seagulls/"Space-Age Love Song"
Mountain/"Mississippi Queen"
"okay we did the thing you said" "did you notice how absolutely shitty your idea was" "yeah" "play one more song for added embarassment and we will call it even" "okay" "but jakey has to wear this" Svart hands Jakey a pink tutu. "fuck my life"
Encore: Stone Temple Pilots/"Plush"

"okay you've been embarassed enough; you can leave" "gee" The five leave the store, and Sheriff Antony runs at them, gun drawn. "WHAT COLOUR IS THAT TUTU" Jakey sweats, desperate to protect his masculinity in front of his idol, Sheriff Antony. "uh... salmon" "GET ON THE GROUND, NOW" "what why" "IT IS ILLEGAL TO WEAR SALMON TUTUS IN THIS COUNTRY" "that law sounds kind of asinine" "what; here in alabama, all laws are made with nothing but the citizens' well-being in mind" "true" Jakey is thrown in the back of the police van, which drives off. "god bless the alabamanian justice system" "hey i have a funny idea" "tell me it" "let's bust jakey out of prison" "i'd rather not" "what why" "the humour-to-effort ratio is way off" "oh right" Michelle thinks for a moment. "what if i wear a silly hat" "it would have to be PRETTY silly" "TO THE HAT STORE" The four head to Hatz Я Us. "hello may i help you" Taylor stands, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "i would like to browse your collection of silly hats" "oh some rich guy bought the lot of them" Taylor points to a limousine leaving the parking lot. "FOLLOW THAT MOTORVEHICLE" The four run after the limousine, and Michelle grabs onto the bumper. The other three climb up Michelle and reach the top of the limousine, then Michelle climbs up. "how are we going to get inside" "that's easy" Sheriff Antony swings from a vine onto the limousine. "WE PLAY MUSIC" "sounds really shitty" "yeah not all problems can be solved by rock 'n' roll" "wanna bet" "fuck yes"

02: It Was Very Rude of That Man to Not Even Leave One Silly Hat - Max Schoonen's Limousine
Free/"All Right Now"
Lenny Kravitz/"Fly Away"
The Cars/"Just What I Needed"
Mott the Hopple/"All the Young Dudes"
Creedence Clearwater Revival/"Green River"
"it's not working" "i'm so sorry" "don't cry" "it's not your fault" The five engage in a tender embrace as the limousine screeches to a stop, sending them flying. "ow my neck" "ow my gall bladder" "ow my hair" "ow my testicles" "i'm so glad these giant testicles broke my fall" "LOOK AT ALL THESE FOOTPRINTS ON MY LIMOUSINE" "calm down Max Schoonen" "yeah Max Schoonen it isn't worth getting worked up over" "i demand you pay for the damages" "would a nice song work Max Schoonen" "i doubt it" "sounds fair Max Schoonen"
Encore: Electric Light Orchestra/"Don't Bring Me Down"

"that song was pretty nice; have this ultra-silly hat as compensation" "sweet Max Schoonen" "thanks Max Schoonen" Max Schoonen drives away and Michelle puts on her silly hat. "it's on" "what's on" "oh yeah sheriff antony we're totally going to break jakey out of prison" "who" "just this guy" "well good luck with that" Sheriff Antony puts his hands in his pockets and walks off, whistling badly. The four then head to the prison and blow up the wall leading into Jakey's cell. "TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH" "sorry the store was out of silly hats" "oh i'm so sorry" "it's not your fault" "goddammit orange" "fucking orange" "when will he stop plaguing us" The five embrace eachother and sob. Several minutes later, they climb onto the roof and decide to drop into the prison cafeteria. "what's for food" "inmates only" "fuck my life" "what if we play ROCK MUSIC" "that sounds like a shitty idea" "will you give us food if we embarass ourselves by playing rock music" "out of pity, maybe" "OKAY"

03: What Does a GUY Have to do to Get Something to EAT Around Here - Alabama National Prison for High-Risk Inmates
David Bowie/"Suffragette City"
U2/"Vertigo"
Franz Ferdinand/"Evil and a Heathen"
JET/"Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"
The Doors/"Peace Frog"
"okay have we embarassed ourselves enough yet" "yes have some food" The five grab their food, and start to eat, but immediately throw up. "THIS IS THE WORST SHIT I HAVE EVER TASTED" "thanks" Cale curtseys. "this is a prison, not a five-star resort" "fair enough" "if you embarass yourself enough with another song, i might share my hostess cupcakes with you" "oh boy"
Encore: Genesis/"Land of Confusion"

Cale hands the five a Hostess cupcake, and they head outside. "this one cupcake we have to split between us is very satisfying" "not as satisfying as pepsi cola" "oh man pepsi cola" "i fucking love pepsi cola" "pepsi cola is the best" "pepsi cola is refreshing as FUCK" "i know right" They toss aside the cupcake and head to the vending machine. "coca-cola?!" "man fuck coca-cola" "coca-cola is whack" "man the whackness of coca-cola was off the charts" "was?" "well they made new charts afterwards, as they realised that the prior charts were inadequate" "that sounds reasonable" "guys i found a machine selling pepsi cola for the low low price of one dollar(s)" "one dollar(s)?!" "that is a bargain" Eif inserts his dollar and presses the button for Pepsi Cola, but nothing happens. "GAH" Eif mashes the Pepsi Cola button, but nothing happens. "GUYS IT IS TIME FOR DRASTIC MEASURES" Eif takes a jackhammer out of his pocket and begins to jackham into the Pepsi Cola machine. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING" "the machine won't give us pepsi cola" "GASP" Sheriff Antony takes out his twin revolvers and begins shooting the Pepsi Cola machine. "DIE YOU MONSTER YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD" The Pepsi Cola machine breaks in half, revealing six Mountain Dews. "well i guess this will have to do" "mountain dew is made by the pepsi cola corporation so it goes through the same rigourous tests as pepsi cola itself for taste and consistency" "sweet" The six drink their Mountain Dews. "man the pepsi cola corporation have outdone themselves this time" "i know right" "now down to business" Sheriff Antony handcuffs the Pepsi Cola vending machine and drags it inside. "guys we should give back to the pepsi cola corporation for all they've done for us" "yeah!" "the pepsi cola corporation is a selfless corporation that only exists to give back to the community" "word" "let's play them some ROCK MUSIC" "OKAY" The five head down to The Pepsi Cola Corporation National Headquarters in Greenland, Alabama and do just that.

04: Giving Back to the People Who Make the World Go 'round - The Pepsi Cola Corporation National Headquarters
Sublime/"Santeria"
R.E.M./"What's the Frequency, Kenneth?"
The Offspring/"I Choose"
Cheap Trick/"Auf Wiedersehen"
The J. Geils Band/"Centrefold"
"this was a great idea!!!" "i have them sometimes" "once does not mean sometimes" "i have them more than once check it out" Jakey pulls a lever, revealing a fountain of Pepsi Cola. The five step into the fountain of Pepsi Cola, drinking and having a great time. Bendik hits a button, revealing a Pepsi Cola waterslide.
Encore: Oasis/"Don't Look Back in Anger"

"thank you guys so much for your support; it means a lot to us" "don't mention it; it was the least we could do" "allow me to properly reward you" Bendik hops on his forklift and brings out a giant crate of Crystal Pepsi. "holy shit" "th-thanks" "no thank you" Bendik waves goodbye as their van drives off, Crystal Pepsi in tow. "man that was great" "it was so nice to finally play for a good cause" "sure" "what should we do now" "give up music forever" "sounds good" The five do just that, and in a few hours burn through their supply of Crystal Pepsi. "FUCK FUCK FUCK" "WHY DIDN'T WE USE A BANK" "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE GOOD IDEAS ONCE THEY'RE IRRELEVANT" "it's a gift" "well there's only one thing to do at a time like this" Bran reaches his hand into his pants and rubs around a bit. "um" "BRAN THIS IS NO TIME FOR CRAMMING" "i'm not cramming!!! i'm checking my penis for genies!!!" "that is the stupidest thing i've eve-" A genie comes out of Bran's penis. "yo dawg y'all got three wishes and shit" "any wish?!" "word" "i wish we had an unlimited supply o-" "PEPSI COLA" The genie zaps in a refrigerator full of ice cold Pepsi Cola. Jakey takes one out of the refrigerator, and one materialises instantly in its place. "FUCK YES" "okay but now i wish for an infinite supply of-" "TOPICAL OINTMENT" The genie zaps in a medicine cabinet full of topical ointment. "what the fuck" "have you guys SEEN the price of topical ointment these days" "fair enough" "one more wish g-money" "i wish we had a-" "UNICORN" The genie zaps in a unicorn. Jakey hops on the unicorn and rides around the room. "FUCK YES" The genie retreats into Bran's penis. "fuck my life" "can we get more wishes if someone else rubs bran's penis" "WHAT" "good idea" Amiee :3 grabs the phone. "hey svart want to come over" "sure" Svart comes over, holding a copy of Sonic the Hedgehog 2006. "look at this awesome game i-" "SVART RUB BRAN'S PENIS" "wat" "THERE IS A GENIE INSIDE IT" "why didn't you just say so" Svart rubs Bran's penis, causing the genie to come back out. "..." "..." "i... just..." The genie turns around and hangs himself from the ceiling. "goddammit" "how will we get more crystal pepsi now" "you could always play at a local music club" "um about that..." "i kind of threw our instruments in the dumpster" "they're gone forever" "why not go to the dump and retrieve them" "SVART YOU'RE A GENIUS" "thanks" The five run to the dump, and sift through trash until they find their instruments. "THAT WILL BE $500" "WAT" Brucie sits there with his arms folded, smiling. "what if we played you some MUSIC" "that's such a shitty idea it might just work"

05: Foresight?! What's That - The Dump
Radiohead/"The Bends"
Supergrass/"Grace"
Smashing Pumpkins/"Here is No Why"
Bad Religion/"You"
Katrina and the Waves/"Walkin' on Sunshine"
"didn't work" "what if we try one more song" "you'd have to have a genie for it to work" "well shit" "we missed the boat on that one" "maybe we should just try it anyway, you know, see what happens"
Encore: Toto/"Hold the Line"

"wow i didn't think you could do it, but you sure proved me wrong" "exuberance" "so what should we do now" "svart has that copy of sonic the hedgehog 2006" "sounds awesome" "i fucking love sonic the hedgehog" "and after the masterpiece that was sonic, the hedgehog heroes, sonic the hedgehog 2006 must be the best game" "i hope there are more sweet raps about knuckles" "if that were to happen, my erection would never go away" The five rush back to their house and find Svart locked in a battle of wills with Silver the Hedgehog. "IT'S NO USE" "wow this fight looks hard" "it's the worst thing" "oh look a shooting star" "i wish sonic the hedgehog 2006 was a good game" "..." "..." "i guess there are some things even magic can't do" Svart looks up towards the sky, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "we must CONFRONT sega" "YES" "let's go to sega headquarters in japan!!!" The six friends casually teleport to Japan. "hello" "sheriff antony what are you doing here" "i am a main character" "no you aren't fuck off" "no" "fuck" The seven head up to SEGA headquarters. "GUYS WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2006" "we thought that having sonic romance a human would engross players more in the EXPERIENCE" "yeah more than that unlikable bitch amy rose" "WHAT TAKE THAT BACK" "i'd rather not" Eif charges at the SEGA guy, ramming him into the water cooler, getting everyone wet. "you're paying for that" "no" "fuck" "well bye" "can you at least play some rock music to make up for how wet i am" "FINE WHATEVER"

06: You're Too Slow - SEGA Japanese Headquarters
The Rembrandts/"I'll be There for You"
Joe Walsh/"Life's Been Good"
Lynyrd Skynyrd/"You Got That Right"
Arctic Monkeys/"The View from the Afternoon"
Kasabian/"Club Foot"
"fine that is all you will get" "w-what i need six songs to make up for how wet i am" "WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE MAKING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2006" "fuck" Everyone walks outside. "oh hey look a traffic light" "let us play a song at it for no reason"
Encore: Nirvana/"Drain You"

"man that sure is a cool stoplight" "i aspire to create something as amazing as that stoplight" "shame we're still poor and have to play music for a living" "..." "..." "fuck" "also we're stuck in japan" "FUCK" "well let's go see the sights" "good idea" "wow look at these vending machines full of used panties" "wow how gross also excuse me a moment" Jakey waddles over to the vending machine and buys a fresh pair of used panties. "jakey why-" "IT'S CALLED A SOUVENIR, EIF" "yeah but-" "CAN'T A GUY BUY A PAIR OF USED PANTIES TO REMEMBER HIS VACATION BY WITHOUT BEING HASSLED BY 'THE MAN'" "i-i guess so" "THANK YOU" "oh look it's godzilla" "oh hey godzilla what's up" "oh nothing much" "how's destroying tokyo going" "pretty well" "oh cool" "it would go even better if i had some tunes to destroy to" "that can be arranged"

07: Helpless People on Subway Trains Scream "Oh God" as He Looks in on Them - Tokyo
Huey Lewis and the News/"The Power of Love"
Weezer/"My Name is Jonas"
The Smiths/"I Started Something I Couldn't Finish"
Billy Idol/"Rebel Yell"
T.Rex/"Jewel"
"oh man that worked super-well thanks guys" "any time bro" "oh no it's mothra" "oh shit guys i need one more song" "LET'S DO THIS"
Encore: The Beatles/"Helter Skelter"

"we're alive!!!" "i agree" The eight brush themselves off. "well bye guys" "i should be going too" "and i" Godzilla, Svart, and Sheriff Antony hold hands and teleport back to Alabama. "fuck" "there goes our ride" "and the big yu-gi-oh tournament is tomorrow" "wait WHAT" "I AM NOT MISSING THE BIG YU-GI-OH TOURNAMENT" The five run to the docks to steal a yacht, and sail it across the Jon Bon Jovi Memorial Ocean. "there is no way this could have any adverse side effects" The Alabama police come in a helicopter. "come on guys i leave you alone for five minutes and you steal a yacht" "well um" "you work fast nigga" "well we have to get to the yu-gi-oh tournament tomorrow" "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO" Sheriff Antony releases the ropes separating Japan and Alabama. "now all we need is a music performance to appease poseidon" "fuck my life"

08: Poseidon?! More Like POSEIDUMB - The Stolen Yacht
Foreigner/"At War with the World"
Queens of the Stone Age/"Better Living Through Chemistry"
Green Day/"Only of You"
The Rolling Stones/"Stray Cat Blues"
The Sweet/"Fox on the Run"
A large storm brews on the ocean. "oh no now you've done it" "d-done what" "poseidon HATES wars, chemistry, you, stray cats, and running" "how unfortunate" "you'd better calm him with a song about something everyone loves" "i know just the thing"
Encore: Heart/"Magic Man"

"... i don't get it" The storm dies down. "oh thanks poseidon" The boats sail back to shore and the band gets ready for a long night's sleep before the big Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament. "oh man my dragons deck is going to rape everything" "you do realise that they limited red-eyes darkness dragon right" "WHAT" "check the wiki" "..." "..." "this changes everything" A single tear streams down Michelle's cheek. "for the worse" "not for me" Jakey slaps down his deck. "i got everything i need right here" "well i'm going to work on my deck" "i'm going to bed forever" "good riddance" Michelle runs down to Cardz Я Us. "hey bro do you have any montage dragons" "yes but do you have 'the stuff'" "what stuff" "THE stuff" "uh no" "then i'm afraid i'll have to charge you musics for it" "FUCK MY LIFE" Michelle runs back to the house, and bangs the emergency gong. "guys we need to do a music performance for cards i need to make my deck not-shitty" "i'd rather not" "it's four in the morning" "it's eleven" "same thing" "come onnn" "no" Eif rolls over. "well i guess i'll have to trade the infinite pepsi cola fridge" "WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND" "YEAH ME TOO" The five head back to Cardz Я Us. "so taylor um yeah let's do this" Taylor smiles, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum, and pulls up a chair.

09: Why Couldn't She Use a Simple Achetype, Like Arch-Fiends - Cardz Я Us
Cream/"Swlabr"
Elvis Costello/"I'm Not Angry"
Steppenwolf/"Born to be Wild"
Alice in Chains/"Dam That River"
Red Hot Chili Peppers/"Suck My Kiss"
"is that good enough" "only if you want to leave with NOTHING" Jakey pounds his fist into the wall. "why has my life become an endless spiral of torment and misery"
Encore: Fleetwood Mac/"Oh Well part one"

"well good night FOREVER" Jakey falls to the floor and sleeps. "R.I.P." Amiee :3 throws a blanket over Jakey and walks off. "where am i" "hell itself" Eif grimaces. "they have a great pizza shop" "does it serve pepsi cola" "no it serves coca-cola" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jakey runs to the walls of Hell's Pizzaria and pounds on the walls. "YOU MONSTERS" Jakey falls to the floor, sobbing. "hello" "oh hello len how's life" "oh you know the usual" "i've been trying to get a pepsi cola machine but that fucking president of blue hell" Len puts his face in his hands and falls to the floor, sobbing. "life is so hard" "there there" "and i go up for re-election as the president of hell next week how am i going to win without a pepsi cola machine" "I HAVE AN IDEA" Jakey builds a ladder out of a rattlesnake, a beachball, a "don't mess with Texas" magnet, a bronze statue of Donkey Kong, and a ladder, and climbs to Blue Hell. "hey mr. president can we have a pepsi cola machine" "i don't know" Blen scratches his chin. "maybe if you play some rock music" "of course; of course why would i expect any different in this world THAT ABSOLUTELY HATES ME AND EVERYTHING I FUCKING DO" "calm down" "NO, YOU CALM DOWN" "..." "..." "o-okay"

10: Blending a Hand - Blue Hell
The Steve Miller Band/"Jet Airliner"
The Black Keys/"Set You Free"
Paul McCartney and Wings/"Spin it On"
David Lee Roth/"I'm Easy"
Muse/"Fillip"
"okay good job here you go" Blen gives Jakey a Pepsi Cola machine and sends him back to Hell. "OH THANK YOU SO MUCH JAKEY" Len grabs the Pepsi Cola machine and installs it in the pizzaria. "this calls for a celebration!!!" "yeah!!!" "with... a band" "cool; who are you getting" Len cocks his head to the side. "... fuck"
Encore: Pink Floyd/"Money"

"jakey wake up the tournament is starting" Jakey looks around, and sees handsome, muscular men getting out their decks and making sure they're ready for the Yu-Gi-Oh tournament. "OH SHIT WHERE'S M-oh there it is" Jakey takes his deck out of his pocket. "life is okay sometimes" "guys the people who do the official yu-gi-oh commencement ceremony music aren't here and now we've got to do that thing" "what; why" "yeah why not start without the commencement music" "WHAT THAT IS A CRAZY THING SO I WILL ASSUME IT WAS A JOKE" "sigh"

11: Never Getting a Break - The National Yu-Gi-Oh! Tournament
The Edgar Winter Group/"Free Ride"
George Harrison/"Art of Dying"
My Chemical Romance/"House of Wolves"
REO Speedwagon/"Stillness of the Night"
The Doobie Brothers/"Long Train Runnin'"
"and now the first card game; sheriff antony vs. jakey" "go jakey go" "jakey stop cheering for yourself" "no" "hey check me out" Sheriff Antony starts with the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian. "..." "..." "fuck" Jakey summons Elemental HERO Plasma Vice, using Polymerisation to fuse Elemental HERO Sparkman with Elemental HERO Bladedge. Jakey then lays down Fusion Recovery to bring Sparkman and Polymerisation back into his hand, after which he uses Polymerisation to fuse Sparkman and Elemental HERO Necroshade into Elemental HERO Escuridao. Jakey then removes Sparkman and Necroshade from play to summon Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning. "isn't he banned" "not anymore motherfucker" "fuck" Jakey attacks Sheriff Antony's Obnoxious Celtic Guardian with Black Luster Soldier, which allows him to attack again, allowing Jakey's three monsters to wipe out Sheriff Antony's life points. "THAT'S GAME MOTHERFUCKER" "fuck my life" "hey good job; for winning in one turn you automatically win the tournament" "oh boy" "now we just need you to play the victoly music" "..." "..." "i hate you so much"
Encore: Jethro Tull/"Aqualung"

"congratulations jakey you win THE PRIZE" "oh boy" "THE PRIZE is a slot at warped tour for your band" "..." "..." "why is my life so fucking horrible" The five grab their instruments and shuffle toward the stage. "nice going jakey" "why are you such a cunt" "but i didn't mean to!!!" "'oh i'll just use black luster soldier - envoy of the beginning's ability and DOOM US TO THIS HORRIBLE FATE'" "i feel so horrible" "you should" "it's time" Jakey pulls out his katana, flipping it around, and stabbing it through his stomach. "hey what's up" "i committed sudoku out of dishonour" "what did you do" "i got my band a slot at warped tour" "you fucking cunt your eternal punishment is to play warped tour" Jakey is warped back down to the Warped Tour. "oh hey" "hey" "my eternal punishment is to play warped tour" "sounds fair"

12: Eternal Damnation - Vans Warped Tour
Eagles of Death Metal/"I Want You so Hard"
Billy Squier/"In the Dark"
Mudhoney/"Touch Me I'm Sick"
Spacehog/"In the Meantime"
ZZ Top/"Tush"
"CAN WE GO NOW" "no five songs is hardly 'warped'" "what; five songs is warped as FUCK" "not really; six songs is the absolute minimum to be considered 'warped'" "ugh"
Encore: The Black Crowes/"Nebakenezer"

"guys there is a mole in the band leaking our secrets to other bands" "i don't care" "neither do i" "well i do" "..." "..." Jakey unmasks Bran to reveal a cyborg. "well that was lame" "the real bran would never care about our band" "hey guys what's up" Bran comes back from the food court, holding a plate of nachons. "oh fuck i love nachons" "they're mine; fuck off" "NEVER" Eif charges at Bran, but Bran holds his arm out, stopping Eif's charge. "fuck my life" "let's go to the food court and get our own nachons" "sounds good" "yeah except they are out of nachons" "FUCK" "i am going to file a FORMAL COMPLAINT" "um me too" Amiee :3 and Eif charge off to file a complaint against Nachonz Я Us. "guys where the fuck are all the nachons" Taylor, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum, holds out a handful of nachons. "we've got plenty" "..." "..." "BRAAAAAAAAAAAN" "i am going to file a FORMAL COMPLAINT after getting some nachons" "TWO PLATES OF NACHONS PLEASE" "that will be one set of music-playing" "..." "..." "the shit i put up with for nachons"

13: FUCKIN NANCHO PARTY - Nachonz Я Us
Eagles/"Life in the Fast Lane"
The White Stripes/"Black Math"
George Thorogood and the Destroyers/"Gear-Jammer"
Foghat/"Fool for the City"
Bon Jovi/"Bad Medicine"
"CAN WE HAVE OUR NACHONS YET" "no the standard fee is SIX songs" "six?!" "this is unprecidented" "i concur, amiee :3" A single tear steams down Eif's face. "i concur"
Encore: Journey/"Any Way You Want It"

"guys i need a new vest" "but jakey you already have all of the vests that exist" "THAT IS NOT ENOUGH VESTS" Jakey drags Michelle to Vestz Я Us, and finds Taylor, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "jakey you've cleaned us out" "no" Jakey clenches his left hand into a fist. "I HAVE DECIDED TO BRANCH OUT INTO SWEATER-VESTS" Michelle stands, mouth agape. She drops her sack of money with a dollar sign on it, causing it and its contents to shatter. A single tear streams down her face, as she realises how much these last thirteen tiers have changed her only brother. "okay" Taylor grabs all of the sweater-vests, and hands them to Jakey. "so what do i owe you" "a tier of musics" "what; i bought the regular vests without this shit" "yes, but sweater-vests are much more precious a resource, and i cannot hand them out without the proper payment" "can't i just give you one of my kidneys" "that's our black friday promotion"

14: Vested Interests - Vestz Я Us
Foo Fighters/"No Way Back"
Faces/"Stay with Me"
Warrant/"Uncle Tom's Cabin"
The Grateful Dead/"Alabama Getaway"
Golden Earring/"Twilight Zone"
"so um yeah bye" "HOLD IT" Taylor activates the store alarm, producing an oversized boxing glove which knocks out Jakey. "well um" "how will we play another song without jakey" "hello" Sheriff Antony stands in front of everyone, completely naked except for his trademark hat. "sigh"
Encore: Kenny Loggins/"Danger Zone"

"so yeah i'm ready to leave" A mysterious ringing noise emenates from Jakey's pocket. "WHY" Jakey drops to the floor, defeated. "WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN SO YOUNG IN MY LIFE" Jakey pounds the floor, a cluster of single tears streaming down his cheek. Jakey knows that he cannot defeat pocket cancer. Michelle grabs the phone out of Jakey's pocket and flips it open. "hello jakey's phone; michelle speaking" "guys i need help URGENTLY" Svart hangs up. "what a rude motherfucker" "who was it" "svart needs help or something" "oh" "fuck that" "would you rather play music here" "..." "..." "sigh" The five trudge off towards Svart's house. "HEY GUYS YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO LIFT THE COUCH" "..." "..." "it's either that or play music for me while i move the couch" The five move Svart's oversized couch, with Svart on it. "thanks" "fuck off svart" "no" "fuck" "it's okay i bought pizza" "oh boy" Taylor scoots up in the Pizzaz Я Us scooter, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "that will be one set of musics" "what" "oh can you guys get that i left all my musics in my wallet which is in the front of the moving truck which is now driving down the highway" "FUCK MY LIFE"

15: The Pizza's Getting Cold or Something - Svart's House
Poison/"Look What the Cat Dragged In"
Stevie Ray Vaughan/"Crossfire"
Priestess/"I am the Night, Colour Me Black"
Steely Dan/"Do it Again"
Pearl Jam/"Spin the Black Circle"
"can we have that pizza now" "HA" "sigh"
Encore: Boston/"Hitch a Ride"

Taylor leaves, still chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "oh boy let's eat" Jakey eagerly opens the pizza box, to find it covered in green peppers. "..." "..." "help yourselves" Svart grabs a slice and starts eating. "hey guys i know how to solve all of our problems ever" "so do i" The five smash all of their instruments over Svart's head. "guys wait" Sheriff Antony hops out of the Sheriff Antonymobile. "your form is all off" Sheriff Antony smashes a drumkit over Svart's head. "let's go get our OWN pizza" "but that would require playing more music" "yuck" "let's go watch our favourite television programme" "good idea" Everyone heads home and they turn the television to their favourite programme, Paid Programming. "OH SHIT LOOK IT'S A SET OF KNIVES THAT ARE ALSO CHEW TOYS FOR DOGS" "we don't have a dog" "BUT THEY'RE GIVING US TWO SETS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE" "I AM CALLING THE COMPANY WITH BOTH PHONES" "hello knifechew incorporated how may i help you" "I WOULD LIKE TO BUY THING" "that will be one set of musics please" "..." "..." "SHIT"

16: We'd be Losing Money if We Didn't Buy It - On the Telephone
Little Feat/"Texas Twister"
Scorpions/"Blackout"
Rage Against the Machine/"Know Your Enemy"
Stone Sour/"Come Whatever May"
The Stone Roses/"Love Spreads"
"i believe that will be sufficient" "if by 'sufficient', you mean 'one short', you're right" "can we give you an i.o.u." "no" "it was worth a shot"
Encore: Kansas/"Lightning's Hand"

"well thank you sir it will arrive in four to six weeks" "WEEKS?!" "yes sir" "FUCK SHIT COCK ASS" "have a nice day" "GUYS WE NEED TO WAIT FOUR TO SIX WEEKS TO GET THING" "FUCK" "SHIT" "COCK" "ASS" "that's what i said" "we should use a time machine to pass the four to six weeks" "good idea" The band heads to Time Machinez Я Us, where Taylor sits behind the counter, chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum. "hello we would like a time machine" "oh perfect; the models start at the low low price of one set of musics" "..." "..." "why me"

17: Time Waits for Nobody - Time Machinez Я Us
Europe/"Rock the Night"
David Cook/"Let Go"
Jane's Addiction/"Been Caught Stealing"
The Strokes/"Heart in a Cage"
The Knack/"My Sharona"
"okay can we have our time machine now" "unless you do one more song, the only 'time machine' i can give you is this digital watch" "as tempting as that offer is, we'll have to decline"
Encore: Queen/"I Want it All"

"well here you go; the time-o-matic 12000" "wow" "so how far ahead do we need to go" "four to six weeks" "okay so i just hit 4-2-6, and..." The five are warped away to somewhen they do not recognise. "uh" "wow the future is so... strange" "i'm really digging the columns" "and that statue of zeus is pretty sweet" The five admire the large statue of Zeus for a while. "OH NO SOME ROMANS ARE STEALING THE STATUE" "ROMANS" The five charge after the Romans and beat them with their instruments. "HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT STATUE OF ZEUS" "IT IS IMPORTANT TO OUR CULTURE; NOT THAT YOU ROMANS WOULD KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD" "actually, 'culture' means-" Eif smacks the Roman with his instrument. "oh hey guys" Sheriff Antony walks up to the group. "nice job defeating those romans" "it is our patriotic duty as alabamans" "uh this is greece" "i loved that movie" "john travolta is an amazing dancer" "..." "d-did you not like grease?" "if so we can't be friends any more" "i don't know what that is" "..." "..." "GET THE BLU RAY PLAYER" "the what" Michelle runs over to the Time-O-Matic 12,000 and grabs the Blu Ray player, then runs it back. "okay where do we plug this in" "p-plug?" "..." "..." "do you have amnesia or something" "th-that must be it" Just then, five familiar-looking strangers walk up. "who are those guys" "that one in the vest is really handsome and probably a great + heroic guy" "fuck off jakey" "no" "fuck" "do you guys know where we can plug this in" "p-plug?" "did something happen in the last four to six weeks that you need to tell us or something" "i-i don't think so" "you know what always freshes my memory? music" "yeah play us six songs" "but-" The five strangers and Sheriff Antony stare at the band expectantly. "sigh"

18: Like Spinning Plates - Ancient Greece
Motley Crue/"Too Fast for Love"
Elton John/"Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting"
The Living End/"What's on Your Radio?"
Slipknot/"Before I Forget"
Great White/"Once Bitten, Twice Shy"
"that was six right" "failed attempts don't count" "shit"
Encore: Blue Oyster Cult/"Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll"

"nope still don't know" "shit" "hey maybe our thing came in the mail" Michelle walks over to the mailbox, but finds nothing inside. "..." "..." "GODDAMN FUCKING TIME MACHINE" Jakey runs over and pounds on the Time-o-Matic 12,000, causing it to warp the five to somewhen they've never been. "oh god where are we now" "i don't recognise any of these large reptiles" "these dense jungles are also unfamiliar" "man this sucks" Eif spins the dial on the Time-o-Matic 12,000, warping them to a random point in time. "beep boop filthy humans prepare to be disintegrated boop beep" "uh" "maybe this wasn't the best idea" "what if we play you robots some music to improve your lives" "beep boop as robots we are unable to be swayed by hynotic grooves but we will let you try so that you can see how foolish your idea is boop beep"

19: Domo Arigato - The Future
Aerosmith/"Eat the Rich"
Marty Friedman/"Angel"
AC/DC/"Beating Around the Bush"
Skid Row/"Here I Am"
Molly Hatchet/"Flirtin' with Disaster"
"beep boop have you seen how foolish your idea was boop beep" "not yet; maybe after one more song" "beep boop very well boop beep"
Encore: The Allman Brothers Band/"Whipping Post"

"beep boop your grooves have infected me boop beep" "thanks" "ERROR CODE 047: SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED" "oh that sounds like a good time" "oh boy" In his excitement, Jakey accidentally hits the time switch, transporting them back to their own time, give or take four-to-six weeks. "WHAT THE FUCK JAKEY" "YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING" "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT" "accident or not, it is still time for the punishment" "oh dear" Eif slaps Jakey on the wrist. "ow" "hey guys our thing is here" "oh boy" "i can't wait to do thing" "what was thing again" "i don't know" "i've kind of lost interest" "me too" Amiee :3 chucks the box into the pile of unopened infomercial boxes as Sheriff Antony bursts through the door. "GUYS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED" "since we won't believe it anyway, why even bother telling us" "good point" Sheriff Antony stuffs his autographed photograph of Adam Lambert in his pocket. "so uh" "yeah" "want to play some music" "NO" "that wasn't a question, it was a command" Sheriff Antony draws his gun. "uh hey guys let's play some music" "good idea"

20: Wanted: Dead or Alive - The Driveway
Tom Petty/"Runnin' Down a Dream"
Tenacious D/"Master Exploder"
Black Sabbath/"Sabbra Cadabra"
Ram Jam/"Black Betty"
The Who/"Eminence Front"
"want to play a sixth song" "no" Sheriff Antony cocks back the hammer on his revolver. "and by 'no', i mean 'yes'"
Encore: Yes/"Roundabout"

"want to play six more songs" "NO I AM TIRED OF THIS I AM NOT PLAYING MORE MUSIC" "wow no need to be so pushy" Sheriff Antony shrugs and walks off. "that was a bit harsh" "man you really need to work through your anger issues" "yeah you should go see a therapist" "good idea" Eif walks down to Therapyz Я Us, where Taylor sits behind the counter, chewing his stick of Trident sugar-free chewing gum.. "hello how may i help you" "i would like a therapy" "would you like the ten-piece or the big bucket o' therapy" "i should probably go for the big bucket" "that will be one set of musics please" "FUCK"

21: For Just One More Set of Musics, You Can Upgrade to the Big Bathtub O' Therapy - Therapyz Я Us
Van Halen/"I'm the One"
Guns N' Roses/"Nightrain"
Thin Lizzy/"The Rocker"
Judas Priest/"Stained Class"
Living Colour/"Cult of Personality"
"that should about cover it" "SIR WHAT KIND OF A THERAPY STORE DO YOU THINK THIS IS" "uh a good one?" "WRONG IT IS A GREAT ONE" "shit i am way out of my price range"
Encore: The Mars Volta/"L'Via L'Viaquez"

"well here you go" Taylor hands Eif the Big Bucket O' Therapy. Eif pulls out a therapy and begins gnawing on it. "how is it sir" "it needs salt" "oh right" Taylor hands Eif a salt shaker. Eif proceeds to shake salt onto his Big Bucket O' Therapy until a mountain of salt erupts out of it. "uh do you have any more salt; i'm out" "not right now no" "oh dear" Eif stares at his Big Bucket O' Salt. "i'm afraid i'll have to return it then" "i understand" A single tear streams down Eif's cheek as he hands Taylor back his Big Bucket O' Salt and exits Therapyz Я Us. "EIF THERE IS A NATION-WIDE SHORTAGE OF SALT" "OH NO" "PEOPLE ARE REFUSING TO EAT BECAUSE THE SALT MINERS ARE REFUSING TO MINE" "WE NEED TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO THEM" "I AGREE" The band runs down to the local salt mine, where they find a gaggle of salt miners pacing around holding up picket signs. "hello could you please go back to mining salt for us" "it would be nice to be able to eat again" "no we are tired of working without any musics to listen to" "if only a band would play us just one set of musics we'd be able to mine salt" "guys do we know any bands" "just ourselves" "shit"

22: Salt of the Earth - The Salt Mine
Megadeth/"High-Speed Dirt"
The Police/"Peanuts"
Quiet Riot/"Run for Cover"
Eric Johnson/"Cliffs of Dover"
Styx/"You Need Love"
"there; a set" "even though we've been living under a rock for years, we know that a set is six songs" "shit"
Encore: Chicago/"25 or 6 to 4"

"you have convinced us with your hot grooves; we will mine for salt forever" "exuberance" A salt miner whacks at the wall of the cave with his pickaxe, causing a river of vinegar to pour out and carry the band downstream. "oh no" "this isn't good" "in fact it's the opposite of that" "i agree" The river swifty overflows the entire city before depositing the band on a rooftop. "oh come on guys really" Sheriff Antony leaps down from a helicopter. "you guys have to pay for the damages to the city" "what" "that's an outrage" "no it isn't" "i guess you're right" "how much" "one set of musics" "FUCK"

23: I Was Saving These Musics to Pay Off My College Loans - Skyscraper Rooftop
Ozzy Osbourne/"Crazy Train"
Rush/"The Spirit of Radio"
Whitesnake/"You're Gonna Break My Heart Again"
The Outlaws/"Ghost Riders in the Sky"
UFO/"Rock Bottom"
"oh hey we fixed the city" "wooh" "you should play us a song to celebrate" "i'd rather not" "and i'd rather not put you in jail but one of us is going to have to give sooner or later" "shit"
Encore: The Jimi Hendrix Experience/"Voodoo Child"

"well thanks bye" Sheriff Antony flies off in his helicopter. "wait how will we get down now" "here are some parachutes!!!" "i never went to parachuting school" "neither did i" "we should probably do that before trying to use these parachutes" "agreed" The band hops off the building and enters the parachuting school. "hello we would like to learn how to use a parachute" "okay but we demand payment upfront" "how much" "we're running a special: five musics" "why me"

24: You're Lucky I Have No Other Options - Parachuting School
Metallica/"Master of Puppets"
Soundgarden/"Rusty Cage"
Derek and the Dominos/"Why Does Love Got to be so Sad?"
Tesla/"Comin' Atcha Live"
Pantera/"Domination"
"can we learn how to parachute now" "oh yeah" WELL teaches the band how to use parachutes. "OKAY NOW TO SAFELY PARACHUTE OFF THAT BUILDING WE'RE STUCK ON" The band climbs onto the building, grabs the parachutes, and jumps off. "WOAH WOAH WOAH THERE YOU DID NOT PAY THE PARACHUTING TOLL OF ONE SONG" "WHAT" "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE"
Encore: Focus/"Hocus Pocus"

The band lands safely on the ground, and are greeted by a mysterious ringing noise erupting from Eif's pocket. "OH GOD WHY" Eif falls to his knees. "JAKEY YOU GAVE ME POCKET CANCER" "I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO" "WELL I DIDN'T MEAN FOR MY FIST TO EMBED ITSELF IN YOUR FACE" Eif leaps onto Jakey, and the two roll away in a dust cloud of punches and kicks. Eif's cellphone flies out of his pocket into Amiee :3's hand. "hello eif's cellphone, amiee :3 speaking" "guys that little stunt with the instruments wasn't very funny; i am currently in the hospital being treated for diabetes" "are you sure the two are related" "the first thing the doctor asked me when i waddled in wearing this drumkit was 'have you gotten hit with any instruments lately', so i'd say there's a good chance" "shit" "you need to pay my hospital bills because my wallet is still in the moving truck" "sigh" The three trudge to the hospital and reunite with Jakey and Eif, who are collapsed on the ground. "guys we need to pay svart's medical bills" "oh great" "just my luck" Michelle drapes Jakey and Eif over her shoulders and the five enter the hospital. "we're here to pay svart's medical bills" "oh of course; that will be one set of musics" "SHIT"

25: Hospitality - The Hospital
Deep Purple/"Burn"
Iron Maiden/"From Here to Eternity"
Paul Gilbert/"Attitude Boy Will Overcome"
Led Zeppelin/"Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid"
Dream Theatre/"Panic Attack"
"c-can we go see svart" "sure but be careful; do not mention his cancer" "but he said he had diabetes" "did he? i always get those two confused" The five walk into Svart's room, where he is raising and lowering the hospital bed. "oh hey guys" "hello how's the cancer" "the WHAT" "you know, that disease you're going to die of" "but i had so much i wanted to accomplish; i never beat silver the hedgehog; i must do that before i go" Svart struggles to get up. "it's no use" A single tear streams down Svart's cheek. "please play me a song before i go" "what no" "never" "not in a million years" "would you really deny a dying man his last wish" "i wouldn't if it were a simple wish, like ending world hunger, or finding the lost city of atlantis" "yeah svart why do you have to be so selfish" The band turns to leave, but the doors lock in front of them. "PLAY ME A SONG OR I DETONATE THE BOMB" "PFFT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THE GUTS" "TRY ME" "okay" The band sits by the door and waits. "goddammit" Svart sighs and looks at his feet. "please play me a song?" "okay sure"
Final encore: Dio/"Don't Talk to Strangers"

"thank you so much guys; now i can finally go in peace" Svart closes his eyes and ceases breathing. "r.i.p. in peace" "oh hey i'm not dead" "don't speak so soon" Eif grabs Svart's pillow and begins to smother him with it. "please stop" "no" "eif your form is all off" Jakey rips the pillow from Eif's hands and smothers Svart with much better coverage. "it's all in the wrist, you see" "oh i was doing it all wrong" "oh no svart is dead how could this have happened" The doctor removes Jakey and the pillow from Svart's face and throws him into a coffin. "guys i'm still alive" "NO YOU AREN'T FUCK OFF" The band grabs Svart's coffin and dumps it into an unused grave. "guys wait no don't" "should we cover him up" "nah that's way too much effort" "hey let's go see what svart's doing" "great idea" The band heads off to Svart's house.
THE END

Credits song: Rainbow/"Stargazer"
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PostSubject: Re: Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] HERO III: Shining Flare Wingman [Director's Cut]   Thu Nov 14, 2013 8:58 pm

"fuck, i'm glad that's over" "wait what's this" Jakey picks up a piece of paper. "D-DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT?!" "WHAT" "YOU CAN BUY MORE SONGS FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT GAME?" "FUCKING HELL" "DUDE YOU WITH THE GUITAR DON'T DO IT" "I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE DON'T" "I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND" "I'LL SEND YOU AN AUTOGRAPHED YULETIDE LOG" "WHAT NO DON'T BROWSE THE SELECTION" "PLEASE NO" Songs successfully downloaded!

DLC: Downloading Content - Downloadable Songz Я Us
MC5/"Kick Out the Jams"
Bruce Springsteen/"Born to Run"
Jefferson Starship/"Jane"
Them/"Gloria"
The Cult/"Love"
"FUCK YOU" "YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST, PLAYER" "I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU FOR DOING THIS TO US" "NO DON'T ACCEPT THE ENCORE" "DECLINE DAMMIT" "NO WAIT NO FUCK"
Encore: Michael Jackson/"Black or White"

"NO NO MORE" "IF YOU DOWNLOAD ANY MORE SONGS I REFUSE TO PLAY THEM" "I WILL SUE YOU" "I AM FUCKING DONE" "YEAH I QUIT" The band trudges off, not only angry, but disappointed with the player. "i thought you were our friend" A single tear streams down Jakey's face. "i guess i was wrong" The screen goes dark. "eif stop holding a black sheet of construction paper up to the camera lens" "i'd... rather not"
THE END?
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Teh Forum RPG [Reboot] HERO III: Shining Flare Wingman [Director's Cut]
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