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HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK

ADVENTURE

HEY MISTER CAN WE HAVE OUR BALL BACK
 
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 Another Thing (2014)

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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 10:57 pm

Mission 050: The Way You Move Ain't Fair, You Know [Sheriff Antony]
"jakey why did your athletics league deny my application for a new sport" "what was the sport" "THE AGGRO CRAG" "..." "..." "I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and drives to the Alabama National Athletics League. "EMERGENCY MEETING" Jakey sounds the emergency meeting sirens. "arrrrrrrrrgh what be the trouble cap'n" "SOMEONE DENIED THE AGGRO CRAG AS AN OFFICIAL SPORT AND NOW WE MUST WAIT FIVE YEARS FOR IT TO BE CONSIDERED AGAIN" "arrrrrrrrrgh i say we keelhaul the lad cap'n" "arrrrrrrrrgh i agree" "oh that was me" "CEELO GREEEEEEN" "the aggro crag cannot be a sport because it is a way of life" "..." "..." "you got lucky" Michelle comes out from under the table. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/A.N.A.L. missions/CeeLo Green missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 10:57 pm

Mission 051: You've Created a Time Paradox [Jakey]
"jakey i've been reading up on jakey history and apparently back in 1014 a jakey and a female companion from 2014 went back in time and solved a great mystery" "MYSTERY?!" Erin falls off the time machine. "LET'S GO" Erin drags Jakey into the time machine and they warp off. "wait no the jakey was me" Jakey and Erin travel through the time stream to 1014. "HEY I HEAR THERE'S A MYSTERY HERE" "forsooth!" "uh" "thoust art noble warriors from the future" "sure" "and that doth solveth thine mystery" "oh" "well bye" Sir Prancealot and Sir Sheriff Antony wave as Jakey and Erin warp to 2014. "hey where'd jakey go" "he must have had to go grocery shopping" "let's go visit professor eif for no reason!!!" "good idea!!!" The two walk across the street to the lab. "hello do you have an appointment" "no but professor eif is our friend" "who" "just this guy" "sir i cannot let you in" "kathy pls" "my name's katie though" "..." "on second thought maybe the professor would like to study you" The two walk into the lab. "professor eif you won't believe what's happened to kathy" "i do not know either of those people; i'm professor vivian" "wat" "oh by the way jack i never thanked you for helping me start a football team last year" "JACK?!" "that's your name" "FOOTBALL?!" "it's our favourite sport here in america" "but you hate american football because everyone wears giant suits of armour!!!" "why would i hate that; i don't want my players getting hurt" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jack bangs his head against the wall repeatedly. "oh hey erin how are you today" "... uh i'm good but shouldn't my name be something wacky like esmeralda or something" "no silly because your parents named you erin!!!" "my WHAT" "what is going on!!!" "i want to ask you two the same thing" Police Chief Anthony walks into Professor Vivian's lab. "WHAT DID YOU DO" "oh hello police chief anthony is it already time for your medicine" "I AM PERFECTLY FINE THANK YOU" "i guess so!!!" Professor Vivian injects Police Chief Anthony with a syringe, causing him to fall asleep. "sorry about that police chief anthony thinks he was transported to an alternate universe where everyone is american but that's crazy because america is everything usa usa usa" "WE HAVE GOT TO GET HELP" "help from the sanest man we know" The Jack symbol flashes on-screen. "CRAZY SVART WHERE ARE YOU" "crazy who? i'm mentally unstable everett!!!" "WHAT" "can i interest you in a nice used automobile" "... n-no" "WE HAVE TO GO SEE THE KING" "king? we abolished the monarchy centuries ago silly unless you mean president brendan" "kill me" "i won't because that is against our laws here in the greatest country on earth, AMERICA" "excuse me a second" Jack grabs his gun. "STOP YOU'RE UNDER ARREST" "WHAT" "GUN OWNERSHIP IS ILLEGAL HERE IN AMERICA, SCUM" Officer Oliver handcuffs Jack and throws him in his car. "deputy orange you've got to uncuff me something is wrong" "the only thing wrong here is your sanity, jack" "but i'm the hero" "YOU ARE WANTED IN EVERY TOWN IN AMERICA, JACK" Jack slips out of his handcuffs and uses the pentagram app on his phone. "OH GOOD YOU'RE HERE SATAN I-" "satan? my name's stan" "NOT YOU TOO" Jack bangs his head on the seat in front of him. "GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE" "ever since hell was annexed by america i've been busy helping my son chen, the governor of hell" "this isn't happening" "oh chef amelia's cookies are done got to go!!!" Stan warps away. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" A loud thud is heard on top of the police car, and the top is cut out. "COME WITH ME JACK PIP PIP" Jack gets pulls out of his seat and swung away. "than-... THE PRINCE OF WALES?!" "the who? i'm the duke of elroy old bean wot wot" "i'm not falling for it" "falling for what chap" "NICE TRY THE PRINCE OF WALES BUT I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT" The Duke of Elroy stares at Jakey confused. "uh good day then old bean cheerio" Jack rolls onto an awning and rolls onto the street. "we have to fix this IMMEDIATELY" Jack rummages through his pockets. "OH NO" Jack worriedly checks his entire person. "WHERE IS IT" "Where Is What Jack" "oh no" Jack grabs Robert Truckdriver 27 by the collar and slams him into a wall. "WHERE IS THE BRICK" "You Gave It To Us Last Week Remember" "NO" Jack drops Robert Truckdriver 27 and falls to his knees. "why" Jack draws his gun and puts it in his mouth, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "i'm so sorry" Jack pulls the trigger, but his body reforms itself quickly. "GODDAMMIT" "If You Want It Back That Badly Just Take It" Robert Truckdriver 27 tosses Jack The Brick. "..." "I Understand, After All, We've Been Best Friends Since High School" "... uh thanks?" "Don't Mention It Friend" Jack rubs The Brick. "sup i'm the genie man" "I WISH EVERYTHING WAS BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE I TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME" "sure" The Genie snaps his fingers, causing everything to go back to how it was. "Goddammit Jakey Stop Flaunting The Brick In Front Of Me" Jakey falls to his knees and kisses the ground. Michelle parachutes in from the sky. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/memories that will haunt you until the day you die]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 10:57 pm

Mission 052: The Blame Game [Jakey]
"YOU SOLD ME ON A DEFECTIVE PREMISE" "no i didn't you just didn't listen to the entire pitch" "YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MENTION MYSTERIES" "MYSTERIES?!" Erin falls from the ceiling. "SEE" "i blame orange for this" "ORANGE" "we should go give him a piece of our mind" "I AGREE" "THEN WE CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERY" "erin there is no mystery" "..." Erin slaps Jakey. "DON'T PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT" "but they're fun" "i especially like to stack them like LEGO building bricks" "oh yeah i love LEGOs" "..." "..." "erin lego is a brand name not an object" "but it has ascended to a coloquialism for building bricks, like kleenex has for tissues" "fuck off erin" "no" "fuck" Jakey, Jakey, and Erin hop into The Motherfucker and head to Deputy Orange's house. "hello jakey and jakey i see you brought a new friend" Jakey decks Deputy Orange. "THIS IS FOR MAKING ME SPEND TIME IN AMERICA" "i guess i deserved that" "so yeah" "yeah" "see you around deputy orange" "any time" Deputy Orange waves as Jakey, Jakey, and Erin leave. "that was a great use of time" "i agree" Michelle shoots out of Deputy Orange's tent. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Deputy Orange missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:02 pm

Mission 053: Square Peg [The Alabama National Athletics League]
"kathy do i have any messages" "you need to decide where the donut-eating championships will be held next week" "how about right here" "convenient; i like it" Kathy presses a button, changing the sign on the front of the building to say 'Home of the 2014 Donut-Eating Championships'. "well that was easy" "you should probably practice" "what as an official athletics league... guy, i can't compete" "okay, then hans should probably practice" "good idea" "he should probably be careful though since the international league of athletics leagues is on to hans after the whole alphabattle thing" "oh dear" Jakey runs quickly to the basement and dons his disguise. "they will never recognise me through this false moustache" Hans grabs a training donut, which is half the weight of a regulation donut, and tries to force it into his mouth, but the training donut grazes his cheek. "i can do this i am a rock" Hans presses the training donut to his teeth. "no wait" Hans opens his mouth and tries to shove the training donut in, but it hits his lips. "no i have to flip it halfways" Hans tries again, but fails. "how" Hans shoves the training donut into his mouth and begins to chew. His teeth break off on the training donut, but grow back instantly. Hans swallows the training donut, and nearly throws up. "help" Hans forces the training donut into his stomach. "VICTOLY" Michelle walks in, eating a donut. "who are you where's jakey" "oh he's in the bathroom let me get him" Hans walks to the bathroom and takes off his disguise. Jakey walks back into the room. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hans disguise]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:02 pm

Mission 054: Round Hole [The Alabama National Athletics League]
"HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE DONUT-EATING CHAMPIONSHIPS I'M STEVE" "AND I'M CLIFFORD" "DON'T YOU MEAN STEVE, BOB" "STEVEBOB IS A STUPID NAME BOB" "ANYWAY WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL TWO TODAY; CHEF AMIEE :3, A RENOWNED CHEF AROUND THE WORLD, AND HANS, A NEWCOMER TO THE DONUT-EATING SCENE" "THE FACT THAT HE'S MADE IT THIS FAR IS TRULY ASTOUNDING FOR A NEWCOMER BOB" "ALPHABATTLE FANS WILL REMEMBER HANS FROM THE 2011 ALPHABATTLE CHAMPIONSHIPS, WHERE HE TOOK VICTORY SOUNDLY, BUT WAS BANNED FROM THE SPORT FOR LIFE" "HIS UPSET IN THE FINAL MATCH AGAINST BELT WAS TRULY UNEXPECTED BOB" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB BUT LOOK THE ATHLETES ARE ENTERING THE ARENA AND SIZING UP THEIR PLATE OF DONUTS" "REMEMBER KIDS DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME" "EACH CONTESTANT IS GIVEN THREE DONUTS TO EAT; THROWING UP RESULTS IN DISQUALIFICATION" "EATING THREE DONUTS IS A TALL ORDER BOB" "AND THEY'RE OFF, BOTH ATHLETES HAVING TROUBLE GETTING THE DONUTS INTO THEIR MOUTHS" "THIS IS THE TRICKY PART, AS EVERYTHING ELSE IS BASED OFF STRENGTH AND ENDURANCE" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB" "IT LOOKS LIKE HANS HAS GOTTEN THE FIRST DONUT INTO HIS MOUTH" "AND CHEF AMIEE :3 ISN'T FAR BEHIND BOB" "HANS HAS EATEN THE FIRST DONUT BUT HE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD" "CHEF AMIEE :3 HAS ALREADY STARTED ON HER SECOND DONUT" "BUT HANS IS LOOKING WINDED BOB" "OH THERE HE GOES HANS PICKS UP HIS SECOND DONUT" "BUT CHEF AMIEE :3 HAS HER SECOND IN HER MOUTH AND SHE IS CHEWING IT AS WE SPEAK BOB" "OH NO IT LOOKS LIKE HANS CAN'T KEEP HIS DONUTS DOWN THAT IS A DISQUALIFICAT-WAIT IS THAT HANS' MOUSTACHE" "OH NO IT LOOKS LIKE HANS WAS REALLY JAKEY IN DISGUISE" "NOW THE REAL QUESTION IS IF JAKEY HAS BEEN HANS ALL ALONG" "IF SO THEN TEN OUT OF TEN" Michelle walks into the arena wearing a Hans t-shirt. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hans t-shirt/shame]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:02 pm

Mission 055: Triangular Blade [The Alabama National Athletics League]
"WE ARE NOW HERE FOR THE TRIAL OF JAKEY FOR THE CRIME OF IMPERSONATING A GUY WHO ISN'T DIRECTOR OF AN ATHLETICS LEAGUE" "OBJECTION" "what is it jakey" "impersonation means the person exists in the first place" "oh so you admit that your alphabattle 2011 win was illegal" "UH NEVERMIND" "now how do you plea" "uh... guilty" "THEN FOR THE HEINOUS CRIME OF IMPERSONATING ALABAMA'S SWEETHEART, HANS, I AWARD YOU THE MAXIMUM PUNISHMENT" "you don't mean-" "YES" Judge Satan slaps Jakey on the wrist. "DON'T DO IT AGAIN" Judge Satan bangs his gavel. "COURT ADJOURNED" Michelle rises from the jury booing while wearing a Hans foam finger. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hans foam finger appears at safehouses/Satan missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:03 pm

Mission 056: It's Not Easy Being Green [CeeLo Green]
"hey jakey i want to grab my favourite t-shirt but it's in this trunk" Jakey looks into the trunk. "how did you find such a deep trunk" "i bought it at a marketplace in egypt; the seller said that its depths are shrouded in mystery" "MYSTERY?!" Erin falls off the ceiling fan and into the trunk. "uh-oh" "well i guess we have two reasons to enter the trunk" CeeLo Green grabs a torch from the wall and he and Jakey climb into the trunk. "i think she fell into the la brea tar pits" "how are the la brea tar pits in your trunk" "i bought them at an auction and had nowhere else to put them" CeeLo Green smashes an emergency case and hands Jakey a parachute. "okay you have to dive down and rescue her before she falls into the tar" "what happens if i don't" "she will drown" "oh is that it" "plus we will never be able to recover her body" "damn" Jakey dives off of the staircase while CeeLo Green continues heading down the stairs. Jakey grabs Erin in midfall and opens his parachute. "TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH" "fuck off erin" "no" "fuck" Jakey glides down and lands on top of El Madrefollador. "oh hey you found my favourite vehicle, el madrefollador" "this looks exactly like my vehicle, the motherfucker, only red" "the company who made the motherfucker actually made several similar vehicles for different regions; i only have the spanish el madrefollador and le mèrebaiseur, the french variant" "can we go for a ride" "yeah totally" CeeLo Green, Jakey, and Erin hop into El Madrefollador and search for CeeLo Green's favourite t-shirt while riding along Highway 61. "you know jakey i've been looking for the motherfucker for years; would you be interested in selling it" "not in a million years" "OH HEY there's my favourite t-shirt" Jakey stops el madrefollador and CeeLo Green grabs his Right Said Fred 1994 World Tour t-shirt. "i have no clue what i'd do without this" Michelle splatters on the windshield. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/La Brea Tar Pits t-shirt/Highway 61 t-shirt/El Madrefollador and Le Mèrebaiseur appear at CeeLo Green's house]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:03 pm

Mission 057: Blue Morning, Green Day [CeeLo Green]
"hey jakey how'd you even get the motherfucker anyway" "oh it was a gift" "... a gift" "yeah" "i paid millions for el madrefollador and le mèrebaiseur; how did you manage to get one as a gift" "i saved a dude's business" "hmm according to my thoughts this man might have more of these vehicles; lead the way jakey" Jakey and CeeLo Green hop into Le Mèrebaiseur and head to Crazy Svart's Used Autos. "hey hey hey and welc-" Crazy Svart spots Le Mèrebaiseur. "so you're a collector too" "indeed i am" "follow me, both of you" Crazy Svart leads Jakey and CeeLo Green into a secret underground garage, where Die Mutterficker, La Madreputtana, and A Mãefilho are kept. "legend holds that whomever assembles all nine vehicles in one place shall be awarded a thing" "a thing?" "we have no idea what that thing is" "well i have two and jakey has one" "that puts us at six; all we have left are the neutral colours, correct?" "correct" "it took me years to gather the vehicles from britain, italy, germany, and poland; i gave the british one to jakey as i knew he'd attract another collector" "devious" "jakey it is important that we gather the final three vehicles so that a thing will happen" "i do like things" "come back when you're ready for your second-hardest challenge yet" "cool" "and you, sir, i'd ask to bring your two around when the time comes" "okay" "good" Michelle honks the horn of A Mãefilho. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Die Mutterficker, La Madreputtana, and A Mãefilho appear at Crazy Svart's Used Autos/Crazy Svart missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:03 pm

Mission 058: Ride a Green Swan [CeeLo Green]
"jakey jack white has invited me to be a part of his new supergroup!!!" "oh i hope it lasts longer than the last five-hundred-and-twelve" "as do i" CeeLo Green looks to his copy of Consolers of the Lonely and sighs. "anyway he wants us to pick up the other members of the group" "sounds reasonable" Jakey and CeeLo Green hop into The Motherfucker and head to Dave Grohl's house. "hey dave grohl we're here to pick you up for the supergroup" "oh yeah" Dave Grohl hops into The Motherfucker, and they head to Josh Homme's house. "hey josh homme" "IT'S TIME" Josh Homme hops into The Motherfucker, and they head for Jack White's house. "oh hey guys i'm ready to form the su-" Jack White wanders off. "uh-oh" "i guess it's over" "at least we lasted longer than the last guys" CeeLo Green, Josh Homme, and Dave Grohl wander off aimlessly. Michelle bungee jumps from Jack White's roof. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/supergroup t-shirt/Jack White missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:03 pm

Mission 059: Weenie Hut General [Deputy Orange]
"hey deputy orange what's up" "oh hey jakey; i got denied entrance to the salty spitoon for not being tough" "ouch" "and then the doorman redirected me to weenie hut jr.'s across the street" "oh dear" "at least the food was good" "don't worry deputy orange i will totally prove that they aren't very tough" "good luck" Jakey heads across the street to the Salty Spitoon. "WELCOME TO THE SALTY SPITOON HOW TOUGH ARE YOU" "how tough am i?! come at me bro hit me with your best shot" Reg grabs Jakey's shoulder and punches Jakey in the gut, causing him to double over. "ow okay that was pretty good" "next" "no wait wait check this out" Jakey stabs himself in the gut with his knife. "eh eh" "okay what's the trick" "nothing; stab me with whatever you want" Reg grabs a signpost and drives it through Jakey's thigh. Jakey winks as he pulls out the signpost and his wound heals instantly. "how did you-" "i guess you could say it's in my blood" "fine you're in" "YESSSSSSS" Jakey struts into the Salty Spitoon, but tragically slips on an ice cube. "ow" "BAHAHAHA" "WHAT A FAGGOT" "HEY CHECK THIS OUT" Jakey shoots himself in the head, and heals instantly. "..." "..." "okay that was pretty cool" "THROW ANYTHING YOU'VE GOT AT ME" "OKAY" The crowd begins throwing their food at Jakey. "no ew yuck i just showered no fuck gross I MEANT VOILENT THINGS" "oh why didn't you just say so" A man from the crowd grabs Jakey and breaks his back. Jakey's spine reforms as he winks at the crowd. "jakey jakey jakey" "due to your unparalleled toughness, we have made you the leader of the salty spitoon" "it's like all my dreams have come true" Michelle struts in and slips on another ice cube. Jakey rushes her to the hospital. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/unhindered access to the Salty Spitoon]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:03 pm

Mission 060: Groceries [Deputy Orange]
"jakey i need help buying groceries because there are too many prices and values" "sounds fun let's go" Jakey and Deputy Orange hop into The Motherfucker and head to Groceriez Я Us. "hmm i want some rice but i can't decide; i mean rice-a-roni is the san francisco treat but uncle ben looks so inviting" "hmm i'd go with uncle ben because i've heard that san franciscans rioted when their baseball team won the baseballing cup" "yuck" Deputy Orange chucks Uncle Ben's Premium Rice into his cart. "hmm i need paper towels; bounty is the quicker picker-uper, but the guy on brawny looks like he can handle any mess" "you should always choose the friendlier face in any walk of life; i bet bounty man is too SCARED to put his face on his towels" "good point" Deputy Orange chucks the Brawny paper towels into his cart. "okay last thing; milk or malk" "malk, definitely; the nutritional value is OFF THE CHARTS with riboflavin and vitamin h, so they had to make new charts, BUT IT WAS OFF THOSE CHARTS TOO" "oh man" Deputy Orange fills his cart with as much malk as it can fit. "thanks jakey you're a lifesaver" A shopper opens the freezer, causing Michelle to thaw. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/MALK t-shirt]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 061: The Joke Was That All the Products Jakey Recommended are Inferior Except for Delicious Malk [Deputy Orange]
"jakey tonight is the midnight release of rpgboot xiii!!!" "oh man" "i preordered the game at gamestop and would like some company" "okay but only if i get to borrow it" "fine" Jakey and Deputy Orange hop into The Motherfucker and head to GameStop. "man look at this line" "well everyone knows that the rpgboots are the greatest experience money can buy" "word" "EVERYONE COME IN AND GET YOUR COPIES OF RPGBOOT XIII" Deputy Orange and Jakey make their way to the front of the line, and Deputy Orange hands the cashier his preorder slip. "uh i'm sorry man we just ran out" "WHAT" Spaghetti falls out of Deputy Orange's pockets. "FUCKING GAMESTOP" Deputy Orange stomps out of GameStop, but slips on his spaghetti. Michelle walks out of GameStop with her copy of RPGboot XIII. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/FUCKING GAMESTOP t-shirt/pants with spaghetti falling out of the pockets]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 062: Green Eggs and Ham [Satan]
"jakey i just got this letter from hades" Satan hands Jakey the letter, which reads "ur a faget". "oh damn son he got you good" "i have decided that we must get REVENGE" "i agree" "luckily i bought a secret weapon" Satan grabs two grocery bags. "LET'S GO" Jakey and Satan hop into The Motherfucker and head to Hades' house. "this is going to be great" Satan unwraps the two items from the grocery bags. Satan grabs the toilet paper, and Jakey grabs the eggs. Jakey and Satan throw their items at Hades' house, but the eggs and toilet paper are vapourised by Hades' defense system. "DAMMIT" Satan falls to his knees and pounds the ground with his fist. "I WAS SO CLOSE" A single tear streams down Satan's cheek. Satan mopes back to The Motherfucker. Michelle gets stuck in a tree. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/eggs and toilet paper appear at safehouses]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 063: Sam I Am [Satan]
"jakey you need to infiltrate hades' house and break his fine china" "he will rue the day he called satan a faget" "yes, he will rue it hard" Jakey bangs his head against the wall repeatedly before hopping into The Motherfucker and driving to Hades' house. Jakey knocks on Hades' door. "hello" "oh hello jakey how are you today" "oh i'm good" "listen i hear you're a master of business and i want to run this business by you" "okay" "it's a strip club called 'hades' ladies'" "..." "..." Jakey gets out his wallet and begins throwing his money at Hades. "i'll get started immediately" Hades walks off. Michelle falls down the chimney. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hades' Ladies t-shirt/Hades missions]
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Jakeyadventure
apple computers


Male
Number of posts : 7687
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 064: Sam I Ain't [Satan]
"jakey to celebrate our victory over hades i have decided to hold a party at santa's house" "oh good idea" "he recently installed a log flume!!!" "OH SHIT" Jakey teleports to the North Pole. "oh hello jakey it's been a long t-" "LOG FLUME" "unfortunately the log flume idea didn't go as planned and it is currently frozen" "oh" Jakey teleports back to Satan, and they hop into The Motherfucker and head to the North Pole. "oh hello jakey it's been a long time" "how's the whole christmas thing going santa" "horribly as always" "oh that's cool" "but anyway come enjoy yourselves on the log-riddled slippy slide" "i fucking love slippy slides!!!" Jakey runs to the top of the Log-Riddled Slippy Slide and slides down. "this is the best party ever" "... party?!" "oh yeah i forgot to tell you you are hosting a party at your house right now to celebrate my victory over hades" "uh okay" Michelle sits in one of the logs. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Log-Riddled Slippy Slide t-shirt/Santa missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 065: Wild Honey Pie [Crazy Svart]
"jakey i have located että äitikusipää" "located what now" "finland's the motherfucker" "oh right where is it" "hell itself" "could you be more specific" "it's at hell's premier hotel" "oh i know where that is" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker and drives to Hotel Brucie. "oh hello jakey how's your whole deal going" "it's great but you know what could make it even greatier?!" "uh what" "että äitikusipää" "WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER" "uh no i mean it's a vehicle" "that fucks mothers" "... yeah" "i don't have anything like that" "but i do!!!" "oh god no" Jakey slowly turns and realises that his worst fears are a reality. "belt pls go" "but jakey i have something you want" Belt coils around Jakey. "and you have something i want" "what use could you even have with että äitikusipää" "i like to ride with the top down" "belts can't drive!!!" "that's discrimination jakey" "no i mean you physically can't you don't have arms or legs" "oh now you're being able-ist?! does your hatred know no bounds" "i guess not" Belt spins on his heel and walks away, dropping his keys. "oh shit" Jakey tosses Brucie the keys. "where are we going jakey" "home" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker, and Brucie hops into Että Äitikusipää, and the two drive back to Crazy Svart's Used Autos. "i got it crazy svart" "oh wow it's even whiter than i had imagined" Michelle pops out from the trunk of Että Äitikusipää. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Että Äitikusipää appears at Crazy Svart's Used Autos/Brucie missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 066: Baby's in Black [Crazy Svart]
"next on the list is den morjævelen, from norway" "oh boy where is it" "luckily, it's close by, at the pepsi cola plant" "oh no don't tell me" "it's owned by a guy named 'director bendik'" "FUCK" "jakey you have too many enemies" "i just want to help people" Jakey sighs, hops into The Motherfucker, and drives to the Pepsi Cola Plant. "hey director bendik i-" "OH FUCK" Director Bendik hops into Den Morjævelen and peels out of the parking lot. "shit" Jakey floors it to catch up to Director Bendik. Director Bendik hits a ramptruck and lands on the Daily Bugle. The ramptruck turns off, so Jakey turns The Motherfucker into a jet and flies up the side of the building. Director Bendik ramps off the Daily Bugle onto a train as he turns Den Morjævelen into a motorcycle. As the train goes through a tunnel, Jakey turns The Motherfucker into a dirtbike and rides alongside the train. Another train heads straight for Jakey, so Jakey wedges himself between the trains. As the trains pass eachother, Jakey pops a wheelie and rides up the side of the train. Director Bendik launches off the train and turns Den Morjævelen into a golf cart as it lands on a golf course. Jakey pops off the train, also, and turns The Motherfucker into a golf cart. Director Bendik launches off a ramp, and turns Den Morjævelen into a boat as it hits the water. Jakey turns The Motherfucker into a helicopter and follows. "you'll never take me alive jakey!!!" "take? GOOD IDEA" Jakey uses the winch on The Motherfucker to grab Den Morjævelen out of the water. "... shit" Jakey flies The Motherfucker back to Crazy Svart's Used Autos. "hey crazy svart i picked up a straggler" "just throw him out back" Jakey dumps Director Bendik into Crazy Svart's Used Junkyard Dogs, then dumps Den Morjævelen into Crazy Svart's Used Pools. Michelle surfaces from underwater. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Den Morjævelen appears at Crazy Svart's Used Autos]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Mission 067: Drive My Car [Crazy Svart]
"jakey i can't find the final vehicle, the matkaskurwielu, from poland" "the who now" "i've looked everywhere on the global tracking system" "have you checked under the bed?" "..." "that's usually where i find things when i've lost them" "fine but i don-" The tracking system beeps. "..." "..." "goddammit jakey" Crazy Svart reaches under his bed and pulls out The Matkaskurwielu. "NOW WE HAVE ALL NINE VEHICLES" Crazy Svart and Jakey head into the secret underground garage, where CeeLo Green waits for them. "oh shit they're reacting" The nine vehicles vibrate uncontrollably, then fall apart. "..." "..." "i am so glad we did this" "as am i" Jakey, Crazy Svart, and CeeLo Green turn to walk away, satisfied by a job well done, when the broken pieces of the vehicles begin to vibrate. The vehicles reform into The Motherfucker 2.0. "it... looks exactly the same" "BUT THIS ONE HAS A COLOUR-CHANGE KNOB" "... votyay" Jakey hops into The Motherfucker. "wait why do you get it" "because neither of you exist until i need you for some stupid mission" "THAT IS NOT TRUE I TOTALLY EXIST FOREVER ALL THE TIME" "what did you do this morning" "uh well i um" "exactly" "goddamn you jakey" Michelle pops out of the back seat. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/The Motherfucker 2.0 replaces The Motherfucker/the other The Motherfuckers don't exist any more]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 068: Conquest [Jack White]
"jakey my dentistry business is booming" "we should celebrate" "LET'S GET CRAZY" "but it's only noon" "LET'S GET MILDLY INSANE" Jakey and Jack White party for hours, eventually passing out. "ow my head" "where are we" "NO HABLO INGLES" "oh no we're in spain" "HELP HELP" "HELP" "oh wait no we're in mexico" "oh that's not so bad" A lady is thrown into the wagon with Jakey and Jack White. "OH GOD SHE'S DEAD" "RIP" "necesita una cama" "AUGH" "oh we thought you were dead" "necesita una cama" "uh sure" "OH SHIT KARAOKE" "give me a drink of water" The bartender slides a glass of water to Jakey. "GONNA SING AROUND THE COLLAR" The waitress tries to hand Jakey a microphone. "I DON'T NEED A MICROPHONE" "TAKE MY BODY" "i'm gonna go to bed or something" Jack White heads for his bed while Jakey sings a karaoke version of "Karma Chameleon". "oh hey where'd jack white go" "oh nevermind him" Isis pins Jakey to the ground. "mind me" "..." "..." "i would be so mad at you for that line if i weren't so aroused" Jack White runs by Jakey and Isis struggling to put his jacket on. However, he runs straight into the door, knocking himself out. Jakey and Isis lock themselves into a bedroom for a while and play poker. "FULL HOUSE" "GODDAMMIT JAKEY" Jakey rakes in his winnings. "COME TO JAKEY" Jakey puts on Isis' gold watch. "oh hey look it's jack white hey jack white" "wha-what why am i tied to this bunk" "i don't know" "jakey help" "uh i'm not very good with knots" "just cut the rope!!!" "but that's a REALLY expensive rope; it would be a shame if anyone cut it" "jakey please" "i'm sorry but my hands are tied" "..." "..." "JAKEY YOU ARE A CUNT" "i liked it" Michelle unties herself from the opposite side of the bed. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Isis' gold watch/vague relationship with Isis]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 069: Broken Bricks [Jack White]
"jakey there is an extra room on the floor plans of my dentist's office and i need to know what is inside it" "where is it" "behind this brick wall" "well it looks rather ratty let me try something" Jakey kicks the brick wall, and the bones in his leg shatter. "ow" "let's call adam lambert, the wisest man we know" "good idea" Jakey gets out his phone and calls Adam Lambert. "hey we need to knock down this wall" "did you try kicking it" "yes and it didn't go so well" "well why not have combusken kick it down" "you mean blaziken?" "uh sure" Jakey sends out Blaziken. "okay blaziken this is what we've been TRAINING FOR you've got to KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THIS WALL" Blaziken uses brick break, breaking the wall down. "oh shit look at this room" "yeah it's definitely a room" "i am glad that i have seen this room" "okay now put the wall back up" "... what" "we can't have these bricks sitting in the foyer!!! it's a health hazard!!!" "oh right" Jakey sends out Electivire and Nidoking. Electivire puts up a barrier while Nidoking lends him a helping hand. "i don't think that's how those moves work" "fuck off jack white" "no" "fuck" Michelle bangs on the newly-constructed wall from the inside. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Combusken is now Blaziken/Electabuzz is now Electivire/Nidorino is now Nidoking/Adam Lambert missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 070: Ladies and Gentlemen [Hades]
"jakey i have purchased this warehouse for my new business but i am lacking ladies" "how many ladies do you currently have" "zero ladies" "that is a complete deficit of ladies" "my charts are showing that i currently have zero percent of the required ladies to start a business" "how do we get ladies" "maybe that man over there will know" Hades and Jakey wander up to a man in purple. "HEY YOU WANT SOME LADIES" "... yes actually" "how convenient" "WELL I'VE GOT SHITLOADS OF LADIES RIGHT HERE" "we'll take them!!!" "NO MAN YOU WILL PAY FOR THEM" "how much" "FOR ALL OF THEM IT WILL BE 100000000000$" "that sounds reasonable" Hades hands the man 100,000,000,000 Underworld Fun Bux. "ALL RIGHT YOU CAN HAVE THEM FOR AS LONG AS YOU'D LIKE" "thanks!!!" Hades herds the ladies into his warehouse. "this is the best idea i have ever had" "i agree" Michelle breaks out of the herd. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/charts and graphs appear at safehouses]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 071: Boys and Girls [Hades]
"WELCOME TO THE GRAND OPENING OF HADES' LADIES" "oh boy oh" "COME ONE COME ALL AS WE OPEN FOR GOOD" Hades cuts the ribbon on the doors, and everyone swarms into the warehouse. "so uh" "yeah?" "what do we do with the ladies" "you just kind of look at them" "but there are curtains around the glass" "it is fifty underworld fun bux per look" "that sounds fair" Everyone settles into a booth and begins looking at ladies. "this is a nice operation you have here hades" "i agree" "how much are you paying the ladies" "PAYING?!" Hades stares at Jakey, confused. "uh i'm gonna look at some ladies" "good luck" Jakey wanders over to a booth, inserts fifty Underworld Fun Bux, and gets to look at Michelle. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hades' Ladies jacket]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 072: Here Comes Hanukkah Guy [Santa]
"oh hello jakey i was just going to visit my dear friend hanukkah guy; we only get to see eachother twice a year due to our conflicting schedules" "oh boy can i come" "i don't see why not" Jakey and Santa hop into the sleigh and shove off for the South Pole. "hey hanukkah guy i hope i'm not late" "not at all santa and who's your friend" "oh this is jakey he saved christmas last year or something" "oh cool" "hanukkah guy i don't actually know what hanukkah is" "WHAT" "come to think of it neither do i" "yeah what is it" "that's simple!!! hanukkah is... uh" Hanukkah Guy sweats. "hanukkah is um" Sweat pours down Hanukkah Guy's face. "hanukkah is well uh er that is to say" Hanukkah Guy falls to his knees, defeated. "jakey you have to help me figure out what hanukkah is" "okay i will come back at my earliest convenience" "why not now" "DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW THIS WORKS" "n-no" "I AM THE PROTAGONIST; THINGS DO NOT HAPPEN UNTIL I DO A THING" "... okay" Michelle falls down Hanukkah Guy's chimney. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Hanukkah Guy missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:05 pm

Mission 073: It's All Right [Brucie]
"jakey a high-profile client is vacationing in hell and is using my hotel!!!" "vacation is not a verb" "fuck off jakey" "no" "fuck" "so what do we need to do" "we need to get this place ready!!!" "ready how" "NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE ASKING QUESTIONS NOW IS THE TIME TO BE DOING" "bu-" "DO JAKEY DO" "b-" "DO" Jakey hangs his head and heads for the room that the high-profile client is renting, room 570. "Oh Hello Jakey" "robert truckdriver 49 pls go" "I'd Rather Not" "goddamn you" Robert Truckdriver 49 sweats. "what are you even doing here!!!" "I Live Here" "but this is the room where the high-profile guest will be staying!!!" "Cool; Now I Will Finally Have Someone To Play All Of These Gamecube Games With" "get out" "What; Do You Not Like The Gamecube Or Something" "OUT" "Fine No Need To Be Pushy" Robert Truckdriver 49 grabs his GameCube. "LEAVE THE GAMECUBE" "But This Is My Gamecube; I Bought It With My Hard-Earned Robert Truckdriver Fun Bux" "NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER ONE" "But But My Gamecube And I Have Had So Many Amazing Times Together" A single tear streams down Robert Truckdriver 49's face as he recalls his trip to Chicago with his GameCube. "don't care get out" "I Am Sorry Jakey But You Have Left Me No Choice" Robert Truckdriver 49 chains himself to his GameCube. "I Will Not Be Moved" Jakey walks over and unplugs the GameCube and tosses it out the window. "This May Not Have Been My Best Plan" Robert Truckdriver 49 tumbles over the windowsill and falls onto the street below. "I'm Okay" "drat" "AND THIS IS YOUR ROOM SIR" "oh it's great but i wish it had a gamecube" Stu settles into his chair and starts to watch reruns of Pasta Bolognese. Michelle climbs out of the television screen. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Stu missions]
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PostSubject: Re: Another Thing (2014)   Wed May 29, 2013 11:06 pm

Mission 074: I Will Travel Across the Land [Adam Lambert]
"I AM HERE TO DEFEAT YOU, TEAM MAGMA" "hello" "..." "..." "jakey what are you doing here" "oh you know just trying to extend the land mass" "why" "BECAUSE THERE ARE HORRORS IN THE OCEAN THAT MUST BE DESTROYED" "but what about all the Pokémon that live in the ocean!!!" "i'm sure we can live without all those magikarps" "I CHALLENGE YOU JAKEY" "fine whatever" Adam Lambert sends out Milotic, and Electivire swiftly electrocutes it. "shit" Adam Lambert sends out Snorlax, but Jakey counters with Blaziken. "GODDAMN YOU" Adam Lambert sends out Togekiss, but Electivire blasts it out of the sky. "why" Adam Lambert sends out Froslass, but Jakey counters with Honchkrow. "STOP BEING BETTER THAN ME" "i refuse" Adam Lambert sends out Sceptile, but Scizor makes short work of it. "I'VE GOT ONE MORE IN ME" "i've still got six bro" Adam Lambert sends out Gallade, and Kingdra obliterates it. "now you're just showing off" "aren't i always" "FINE EXTEND THE LANDMASS SEE IF I CARE" A single tear streams down Adam Lambert's cheek. Michelle climbs out of the submarine. "take me home"
[reward: respect +/Scyther is now Scizor/Murkrow is now Honchkrow/Seadra is now Kingdra]
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Another Thing (2014)
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