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 Xbox One

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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Xbox One   Tue May 21, 2013 3:45 pm

So, today, Microsoft announced a bunch of details about their new Xbox, the Xbox One. This is a worse name than the Wii U. Xbox Infinity or whatever would have been better.
From a marketing standpoint, the Xbox One has already failed horrifically. People will think they're rereleasing the original Xbox. This is like my suggestion to Bran about naming his albums "Self-Titled", "Bran & Friends", "Bran & Friends 1", "Bran & Friends One", "Bran & Friends I", and "Bran & Friends Won".
As a note: This image had to be reuploaded from /v/, since Googling "Xbox One" predictably brings up results for the original Xbox.


Let's talk about the controller. They fixed the d-pad. Wooh. However, they fucked everything else. The controller is no longer contoured, the guide button is in a retarded spot, the sticks have some weird texture to them, and the controller looks fucking huge. It's like the Xbox one all over again.

Also, a Kinect! Wooh! I can't wait to have to buy it in the bundle and have it make the bundle cost more for something I don't want! Yay! Oh, and THE SYSTEM WILL NOT FUNCTION IF THE KINECT IS NOT ATTACHED.

The system itself uses Bluray discs, which is expected, but IT ISN'T BACKWARDS COMPATIBLE AT ALL. NO ONE LIKED HOW THE 360 COULD ONLY PLAY FIVE ORIGINAL XBOX GAMES WHEN IT LAUNCHED, SO THEY'RE GETTING RID OF BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY ALTOGETHER.
Also,
>No disc tray
I fucking hate how the PS3 and Wii don't have disc trays. BUT HEY DISC TRAYS ARE A THING OF THE PAST; IT'S ALL ABOUT STUPID SHIT NOW

http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2013/05/xbox-one-analysis/
And while the Xbox One doesn't ALWAYS have to be online, Microsoft decided that the "Azure Cloud" could take some of the processing load off of the Xbox One itself, so some games (read: 95% of games) WILL require a constant internet connection.
Fuck you, Microsoft.

Another thing that has been announced is the used game policy. A game can be installed to an Xbox One once for free. After that, they will charge a fee for every additional install. No more lending games, no more used games. The amount you'll have to pay hasn't been confirmed yet, but it will probably make buying used games more expensive than new games.
OH AND GAMES WILL HAVE REQUIRED INSTALLATION
You know, like Sony had when the PS3 came out. And Microsoft made fun of them for it.
Fuck you, Microsoft.

Since Microsoft's suicide in the industry, Sony's stock value has skyrocketed.







The best part of the Xbox One? The system never turns off. It's always watching, waiting for the words "XBOX ON". Slowly tracking your movements and lifestyle, before finally revealing its sentience.
"XBOX ON"
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
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Shreddventure
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PostSubject: Re: Xbox One   Wed May 22, 2013 12:41 pm

The best part of the Xbox One? The system never turns off.

You can switch it off at the wall.
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PostSubject: Re: Xbox One   Wed May 22, 2013 12:46 pm

the kinect thing and constant internet connection thing is super super lame

overall, I don't mind that new controller. If I was really getting into a game I bumped the system button ALL THE FUCKING TIME and I hated it. it turned off the controller most times and ruined everything and I stopped playing like four games because of it anyway the system or guide button or whatever it is ruined the other controllers and putting it out of the way is the best move they made.

paying for installation is pretty lame, but I guess it's one way to get rid of pirating and making some money on rentals. i've never really thought about it, but are game rental places having much of an economic impact on game sales?
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Jakeyadventure
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PostSubject: Re: Xbox One   Wed May 22, 2013 1:03 pm

I have no clue. I'd assume that companies charge rental places more for their games, and they make it back from repeated rentals.

BUT HEY
HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE NEW CONTROLLER
HELD BY AN ACTUAL HUMAN HAND
Spoiler:
 

Shame his thumb is fucking gigantic. Or do I just have stubby thumbs?
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PostSubject: Re: Xbox One   Thu May 23, 2013 12:55 am

The d-pad is still one button? what the fuck

I at least hope the bumper buttons are less flimsy and can last longer than a year.

Also, why do Microsoft feel the need to charge money for every little thing? Don't they already have enough?

It looks like PS4 has won the next-generation so far.
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PostSubject: Re: Xbox One   Wed May 29, 2013 1:25 am

The Xbox One also heralds the apocalypse. This is demonstrated by Tim Buckley thinking up a good joke.
Spoiler:
 
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