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 Doctor Vladimir

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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7695
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Doctor Vladimir   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:26 pm

EPYSODE ONE:
"on episode we are having today we will be having conversation with president of hell, len; i am welcoming you to doctor vladimir show; i am doctor vladimir and now over to lovely assistant, kathy" "thanks doctor vladimir; len how does it feel to be on this show" "horrible; your sense of interior design is lacking" "hey it wasn't my idea to use beef jerkey as drapes; that was all jakey's idea" "no that is the only thing that works; it's the cardboard rugs i hate" "YOU, SIR, HAVE NO TASTE" "... w-what" A single tear streams down Len's cheek. "t-that can't be true" "if you had taste, you would realise that cardboard was rated 'most stylish carpetting' by kathy magazine" Kathy holds up this month's issue of Kathy Magazine, which features a ten-page spread on the wonders of cardboard. "my whole life is a lie" "that's the spirit" Kathy pushes Len onto the set, and he shambles over to the chair next to Doctor Vladimir. "so len how is life" "awful" "already on first episode we are getting shocking revelations; tell why life is awful" "i just learned that i have no taste" "but president of hell is known for taste" "it was all a lie; i contradicted the world's foremost publication on taste, kathy magazine" The crowd gasps in horror. "i-i said the cardboard rugs were awful" The crowd begins to throw tomatoes at Len. "i am just washed up" Len sighs, buried in tomatoes. "and that is all time we are having today; be joining us next week when we are tackling issues that hit harder; for self and kathy; i am doctor vladimir; be having good night"
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7695
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Doctor Vladimir   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:26 pm

EPYSODE TWO:
"on episode we are having today will be continuing conversation to president of hell, len; now will be over to assistant kathy with aforementioned len" "len i know you have recently been dealt a blow to your ego, but seriously how is cardboard not the best decoration" "it looks so cheap and tacky" "cheap and tacky is the in thing right now len" "wait seriously" "yeah" "what is wrong with you people" Kathy shrugs. Len solemnly walks back to the stage. "len is okay we have taken all tomatoes away from audience" "doctor vladimir; am i still cool" "da" "really?!" "da" Len takes a small comfort in the fact that his best friend still thinks he is cool. "so len how is hell government doing" "we recently established a peace treaty with japan" "how is going" "we have not been attacked by japan since last week" "wow" "my main goal is to make hell a safer place for its citizens" "has father satan been helping" "oh yeah; he provides shitloads of capital for not only our day-to-day expenses but also for our universal healthcare system" The crowd gasps in horror and begins chucking harlequin foetus at Len. "help" Kathy runs out to the stage and drags Len out of the firing zone. "i cannot let the dream of universal healthcare die!!!" "word" "and that is all time we are having today; be joining us next week when we are having different guest; for self and kathy; i am doctor vladimir; please be stopping throwing harlequin foetus"
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7695
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Doctor Vladimir   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:26 pm

EPYSODE THREE:
"on episode of today will be having guest crazy svart of used car shop; now to kathy" "thanks bro; crazy svart, just how crazy are you" "pretty crazy, but not that crazy in the grand scheme of things" Crazy Svart thinks for a moment. "about an 8.5/10 on the crazy scale" "that's pretty fucking crazy dog" Crazy Svart shrugs. "well have fun" Kathy pushes Crazy Svart onstage and begins reading the latest issue of Kathy Magazine. "so crazy svart how is used car business" "steady, ever since we got rid of used carz Я us forever" "how was that being happening" "bombs" "did you kill soul" "no but i think jakey did" "wow" Jakey walks out from behind the camera. "it's okay guys my soul is fine" "friend jakey come be sitting down" "okay" Jakey sits down next to Crazy Svart. "however, today i'd like to pay t ribute to a man whose soul did die; the late peter stillman" Everyone in the studio solemnly hangs their head. "hey thanks guys" Peter Stillman's ghost floats onto the stage. "oh hey peter stillman have you reunited with your soul yet" "nope" "it's okay; you'll win it back eventually" "it's been hanging out with a rough crowd" Peter Stillman looks around nervously. "i think it's been doing drugs" "how lame" "want me to be calling the police" "not even sting is equipped to deal with a rogue soul" Peter Stillman sighs. "no i'll have to do this myself" "well good luck" "yes be having wishings of good luck from me as well" "word" "PEACE" Peter Stillman floats out of the studio. "and that is all time we are having today; be joining us next week when we are having different guest; for self and kathy; i am doctor vladimir; please be passing tissues"
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Jakeyadventure
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Male
Number of posts : 7695
Age : 23
Favourite Band : Nirvana
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Doctor Vladimir   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:26 pm

EPYSODE FOUR:
"on episode today will be having author of kathy magazine, kathy; be coming out now kathy" Kathy heads to the stage, waving to her adoring fans. "so kathy we are having the biggest fan you are having, sheriff antony" Sheriff Antony heads to the stage, waving to his tolerating fans. "hey sheriff antony why do you read kathy magazine" "I ONLY READ IT FOR THE ARTICLES" "they are rather informative, aren't they" "YES THEY ARE AND I WOULD KNOW THIS BECAUSE I READ KATHY MAGAZINE FOR THE WONDERFUL AND INFORMATIVE ARTICLES RATHER THAN FOR THE PIN-UPS OF KATHY WEARING BUSINESS SUITS" "i am glad that i can talk to someone who appreciates the finer things in life" "TOTALLY I DO NOT READ IT FOR THE SHOTS OF KATHY SQUEEZING A TIE BETWEEN HER BOOBS IN A FINELY-PRESSED BUSINESS SUIT" "i know right" "NOR DO I READ IT FOR THE WONDERFUL SHOTS OF NAKED CARDBOARD" "well that one i could understand" "oh" Sheriff Antony sweats. "I AM A HUGE FAN IN THE END AND WOULD NOT MIND IF YOU STOPPED PRINTING PICTURES OF YOURSELF IN YOUR MAGAZINE" "oh that's good because i'm phasing those out" "wait WHAT" "but you said-" "THIS IS A TRAVESTY" "you lied to me?!" Kathy puts her hand on her chest, and begins breathing heavily. "i can't believe this" A single tear streams down Kathy's cheek. "i was going to let you stick your penis in any of my orifices you wanted" A second single tear works its way out of Kathy's eye. "for free" Sheriff Antony gasps, a single tear streaming down his cheek. "now if you will excuse me i am going to go have a tub of ice cream and expell single tears on my cardboard couch while jakey pats me on the back saying 'there there'" "WHAT WHY JAKEY" "because he is the closest person here who does not know my medical history" "yeah kathy about that" "goddammit jakey" Kathy grabs Jakey's arm and stomps off. "please do not be cancelling show"
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Jakeyadventure
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Number of posts : 7695
Age : 23
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Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Doctor Vladimir   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:26 pm

EPYSODE FIVE:
"on episode today will be having no special guest; instead i give away prizes to audience" The audience gasps. "i give away cars to audience!!!" Jakey and Kathy drive cars through the walls of the studio. "YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR YOU BE GETTING CAR... oh fuck" Doctor Vladimir looks around. "we be missing car!!!" "uh-oh" "fuck" The lone crowd member sits solemnly and carless. "wait" Jakey heads around the corner to his house and gives the man his Super GT. "what is this" "... a car?" "hardly" The man gets into the car, lightly taps the gas pedal, and spins completely around. "well um" Jakey sweats. "it's free?" "you should be paying me to take this car" Jakey reaches into his pocket. "i have three alabama fun bux and a cough drop" "fine whatever" Jakey gives the man his items, and the man leaves. "welp" "YOU OWE ME DOCTOR VLADIMIR" "fuck"
THE END
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