SPORTS

EPYSODE ONE:
"HELLO AND WELCOME TO SPORTS WITH BOB AND STEVE" "I'M STEVE" "NO YOU'RE FUCKING NOT YOU CUNTING FUCK" "WHATEVER YOU SAY BOB" "I DO SAY THAT YOU ARE BOB" "TODAY WE HAVE AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT THE SPORTSBALL PHENOMENON; JUST HOW DID THIS SPORT GET SO POPULAR SO FAST" "I WOULD SAID IT IS THE SHEER DETERMINATION OF THE PLAYERS BOB" "RIGHT YOU ARE BOB NOW LET'S GO DOWN TO OUR SIDELINE REPORTER, KATHY" "hello bob i am standing here with famed sportsball legend robert truckdriver 16 how do you feel robert truckdriver 16" "I Feel Fine" "how would you say that the climate of sportsball has changed over the years" "It Is Certainly A Lot More Gay Than It Was Back In Twenty-Aught-Six When I First Started Playing Sportsball" "as an early adopter of the sport, how does it feel to have new players flood in every year" "I Never Really Thought About It" "inciteful as always robert truckdriver 16 now back to you bob" "..." "..." "AREN'T YOU GOING TO REPLY BOB" "I WOULD IF I WERE BOB WHICH I AM NOT" "THEN I GUESS NEITHER OF US WILL THANK KATHY" "FINE SHE'S A CUNT ANYWAY" "hey" "THAT WASN'T NICE BOB" "YEAH BOB APOLOGISE" "I WOULD BUT YOU ACTUALLY JUST SAID THAT THING BOB" "HOW COULD I HAVE SAID A THING BOB SAID IF I AM STEVE" "he has a point" "FUCK OFF KATHY" "no" "FUCK"

EPYSODE TWO:
"AND WE'RE BACK WITH SPORTS" "I'M STEVE" "IN YOUR DREAMS BOB" "YOU ARE RIGHT I AM STEVE IN MY DREAMS BECAUSE I AM STEVE IN REAL LIFE ALSO" "TEN OUT OF TEN" "NOT EVEN TROLLING" "HERE IS KATHY WITH THE WEEKLY FORECAST" "it appears that the motherfuckers are facing the canada timber-shiverers in a climactic clash for the sportsball trophy-plaque" "I THOUGHT IT WAS A PENNANT" "shrug" "THANK YOU KATHY NOW HERE IN THE STUDIO WE HAVE A SECOND INTERVIEW WITH FAMED SPORTSBALL COACH, PROFESSOR EIF" "PROFESSOR EIF, WHILE RELATIVELY NEW TO THE SPORT, IS UNDEFEATED" "HOW DO YOU FEEL, PROFESSOR EIF" "could be better" "PROFESSOR EIF WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET INTO THE SPORT" "shrug" "AND HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE UNDEFEATED" "meh" "WISE WORDS AS ALWAYS" "hey i have a question; no one out back seemed to know; which of you is steve" "ME" "NO ME" "LOOK AT MY DRIVER'S LICENSE" "CONVINCING FORGERY BOB" "THANK YOU BOB" "I AM GLAD WE ARE IN AGREEMENT BOB"

EPYSODE THREE:
"SPORTS AGAIN" "STILL STEVE" "STILL NOT" "EXACTLY BOB" "THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT BOB" "WHO CARES BOB" "TODAY WE ARE PRESIDING OVER THE FINAL GAME OF THE SPORTSBALL SEASON; THE MOTHERFUCKERS VERSUS THE CANADA TIMBER-SHIVERERS" "KATHY IS STANDING WITH THE CAPTAIN OF THE CANADA TIMBER-SHIVERERS NOW" "thank you bob/steve; i am here with jakey hey how are you jakey" "feelin' good" "isn't it a conflict of interest to run the alabama national athletics league and be captain of the canadian team" "alabama and canada are two different places kathy" "good point" "besides, we all know canadians are superior in every way" "i take offense to that as a natural-born citizen of alabama" "hey i lived in alabama for five years i know my shit" "but alabama has a proud heritage of sportsball" "and then canada was formed by the jakey clan and took that with them" "fuck off jakey" "no" "fuck" "WELL THAT WAS CERTAINLY ILLUMINATING WASN'T IT BOB" "I DON'T KNOW BOB I WAS BORN IN AMERICA" "IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU BOB" "IF YOU DID YOU'D KNOW MY NAME WAS STEVE" "I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT JOB ON TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN"

EPYSODE FOUR:
"WELL BOB THE KICKOFF HAS HAPPENED AND THE BALL IS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR" "AND CERULEANBEARD HITS IT WITH HIS BIG STICK" "WOW LOOK AT ALL THESE SPORTS HAPPENING RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES BOB" "THEY ARE CERTAINLY SPORTS BOB" "AND CYANBEARD PUNTS IT INTO THE ENDZONE GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL" "WOOH" "NOW DOWN TO KATHY WITH THE SCORING PLAYER" "thanks bob-steve, i am here with cyanbeard; how does it feel to score a goal" "arrrrrrrrrgh it be feelin' pretty good lass" "a surprising reaction from cyanbeard back to you steves" "ONLY ONE OF US IS STEVE KATHY" "AND IT IS ME" "ACTUALLY IT IS ME" "ZERO OUT OF TEN BOB" "NOT EVEN TROLLING" "OH IT SEEMS THAT MAGENTABEARD HAS PUNTED THE BALL OUT OF THE STADIUM" "THAT IS A PENALTY IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE BOB" "THEY ARE FORCING MAGENTABEARD TO THE BENCH FOR BEING TOO COOL; NOW DOWN TO KATHY WITH MAGENTABEARD" "yeah whatever; hey magentabeard how's it going" "arrrrrrrrrgh i be feelin' that the sportsdome be too small for us sailors beep boop" "you certainly are running circles around the motherfuckers" "arrrrrrrrrgh back in canada we be runnin' fifteen knots in order to be scorin' a goal and that distance be uphill both ways lass beep boop" "maybe jakey was right; these guys are hardcore" "arrrrrrrrgh cap'n jakey always be right lass beep boop" "but what about the time he said my dress made me look fat" "arrrrrrrrgh he be right then also beep boop" "but i've never even worn a dress" "arrrrrrrgh he just be sayin' that if ye be wearin' a dress in the future-past it be makin' ye look fat beep boop "oh that sounds logical; well back to you steve-bob" "THANK YOU KATHY WE WILL BE BACK SOON WITH MORE SPORTS" "OR WE COULD GO TO MOTHERFUCKER TACO TO GET SOME FOOD BOB" "I JUST ATE BOB" "YOU ATE YOURSELF WHAT" "FUCK OFF BOB" "YES DO" "FUCK"

EPYSODE FIVE:
"WELL BOB IT LOOKS LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKERS WON'T BE FUCKING ANY MOTHERS TONIGHT" "WAIT IS THAT REALLY A THING THEY DO" "SHRUG" "DOWN TO KATHY TO SPEAK TO THE MOTHERFUCKERS' STAR PLAYER, PHYLLYP" "thank you um bob... ? well anyway here i have phyllyp how are you phyllyp" "not good" "do the motherfuckers really fuck mothers" "it's part of the entrance exam" "oh wow" "professor eif says that one cannot be a motherfucker without first fucking mothers" "how profound" "he is the best coach i have ever had" "you heard it here; back to you in the studio" "THANK YOU KATHY NOW LOOK OUT ON THE FIELD PROFESSOR EIF IS GOING ON THE FIELD" "OH WOW THIS IS UNPRECIDENTED" "AND IT APPEARS AS THOUGH JAKEY IS HEADED ONTO THE FIELD AS WELL" "IS THIS EVEN LEGAL" "WHO CARES" "GOOD POINT" "THIS IS THE FINAL PLAY; PROFESSOR EIF NEEDS TO SCORE HERE TO WIN THE REWARD" "BUT THAT IS A LONG SHOT AS JAKEY HAS THE BEST DEFENSIVE LINE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTSBALL" "ALL I KNOW IS THAT THIS WILL BE ONE PLAY YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS ESPECIALLY NOT IF YOU'RE USING SATELLITE TELEVISION AS THERE IS A HUGE SPACE STORM THAT WILL PROBABLY CUT OFF TH-"
THE END