Valentine's Day Special 2013

VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"jakey tomorrow is valentine's day and i forgot to get permission from the people of valentinia to continue existing" "oh dear" "i have to make the trek before judgement day!!!" "but that isn't until september" "oh right" Eif sweats. "well we should go anyway" "i don't see why not" Jakey and Eif charter a boat. "arrrrrrrrrgh where ye be headin' matey" "valentinia" "arrrrrgh ye should really be gettin' these things out of the way in january matey" "fuck off ceruleanbeard" "arrrrrrrrrgh no" "fuck" Ceruleanbeard hoists the anchor of the S.S. Motherfucker, and the three sail east.
"arrrrrrrrgh bogeys off the starboard bow matey!!!" "that's port" "that's stern" "fuck off eif" "no" "fuck" "hello" "hello" "man i can't believe you don't know which is port and which is starboard" "fuck off sheriff antony" "no" "fuck"
"arrrrrrrrgh this be as far as i can be takin' ye matey" "okay cool" "how long is it to valentine mountain" "on foot? three days" "fuck" Bran pulls up in his Super GT. "hey need a ride" "yes" "cool" Bran drives off, leaving Eif and Jakey to eat his dust. "goddammit" "how are we supposed to get to valentine mountain now!!!" "hey i have an idea" Jakey grabs Eif around the stomach and begins squeezing. Eif regurgitates a motorcycle. "how'd that get there" "oh i slipped it into your drink while you weren't looking" "oh cool" Jakey hops onto the motorcycle. "wait where do i sit" "oh yeah" Jakey kicks Eif in the stomach, causing him to regurgitate a sidecar. "LET'S ROLL" Jakey drives the motorcycle up Valentine Mountain.
"dude like applications are closed" "fuck" "what if i bribe you with this nice shiny nickel" "i hate shiny nickels" "what if i don't give you this shiny nickel" "come on in" Kathy opens the door, leading Eif to the throne room. Jakey sits in the waiting room, reading last month's issue of Valentinian Inquiry. "SHERIFF ANTONY IS SECRETLY PREGNANT?!" "dude spoilers"
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS IT IS TOTALLY TIME FOR OUR LUNCH BREAK" "TODAY IS MEATLOAF DAY" "I FUCKING LOVE MEATLOAF" "well um i totally don't want to die" "OH THAT WHATEVER" "exuberance" "COME LET US CONSUME MEAT IN THE FORM OF A LOAF" The Valentinians leave to the cafeteria, while Eif dances straight into A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Parcheesi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"