GROUNDHOG DAY SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"jakey hurry up!!!" "why did you wake me up at this ungodly hour" "it's four in the afternoon" "yes" "tomorrow is groundhog day and we have to stop the groundhogs from seeing their shadows!!!" "what why" "BECAUSE THIS WINTER WEATHER IS DESTROYING MY SKIN" Eif holds out his dry, bleeding hands. "yuck" "i have made these little blindfolds and we are going to a groundhog nest that amiee :3 sold me the location of for $1000000000000000000000" "what a deal" "totally" Eif and Jakey walk up to a small burrow. Eif reaches his hand in and pulls out a thing. "..." "..." "THIS ISN'T A GROUNDHOG THIS IS A HEDGEHOG" "... eif that can't be a hedgehog" "what" "hedgehogs are blue" "what about shadow" "he dyed his body black to be cool" "oh that sounds logical" Eif chucks the not-hedgehog into the river, and it proceeds to swim. "see he's totally swimming; hedgehogs can't swim" "you're right" Eif sighs and looks at his feet. "now how will we prevent the groundhogs from seeing their shadows" "there can't be shadows if there is no sun!!!" "BRILLIANT" Eif hands Jakey a huge pile of money, and the two head off to the mountains.
"hey apollo can we borrow your sun chariot" "i don't know tomorrow is a big day" "i'll give you my sister's phone number" "nah" "i'll give you two my sister's phone numbers" "deal" Jakey hands Apollo two Michelle's phone numbers, and he and Eif hop into the chariot. "where to" "the furthest planet away from here" "neptune?" "... no, pluto" "jakey pluto is not a planet" "YES IT IS YOU FUCKING CUNT" "wrong" "yes it is it orbits the sun and everything" "but it's too small to be a planet" "GRAB THE RULER" Eif rummages around Apollo's chariot for a ruler while Jakey drives it out to Pluto. "jakey the only measuring implement we have is this compass" "sigh it will have to do" Jakey draws a perfect circle on Pluto's surface. "wow you sure showed me" "how long do we have to stay out here" "just one day" "good job i brought snacks" Jakey rummages through his pockets and pulls out A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Parcheesi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"