HANUKKAH SPECIAL AND SHIT:
"run me through your plan again jakey" "okay so hanukkah guy comes in through the chimney, right" "right" "so we put a net in the chimney and he will fall into the net and then we can have hanukkah guy all to ourselves" "oh that sounds logical" "but what if hanukkah guy has anti-net technology!!!" "that doesn't exist" "oh" Amiee :3 sweats. "well that's good" "wait if hanukkah guy knows when you've been bad or good won't he know this is coming" "just because he knows that i've been bad or good doesn't mean that he knows the specifics; if this is considered a 'bad' action, he may drop in to give me my flamable rocks without knowing about my clever trap" "it's not that clever" "oh come on; i even have a shitload of bait" Jakey motions towards an empty plate. "WHAT" "oh those were for hanukkah guy?" Amiee :3 sweats. "i figured they were free for the taking" "GODDAMMIT AMIEE :3 NOW WE HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE" "we?" "YES BECAUSE I AM IN NO CONDITION TO DRIVE I AM HYSTERICAL" "oh okay" "watch the net for me eif" "no promises" "bran watch eif to make sure he watches the net" "got it" Jakey and Amiee :3 go to the food store.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE OUT OF COOKIES" "i mean that we have no cookies in stock" "oh i get it now" "where will we get cookies at this time of night!!!" "hanukkah guy will be here any second!!!" Jakey and Amiee :3 walk outside, dejected. "psst" "what wh-" "psst over here" A man motions the two into an alley. "he seems like an upstanding citizen" "i agree" Jakey and Amiee :3 walk over to the man. "i hear you're looking to procure some cookies" "YES" "shhh i happen to have one box left of hanukkah guy's favourite brand, motherfucker cookies" "oh boy" "but it won't come cheap" "how much" "i'd be a fool to part with them for less than... 50,000 alabama fun bux" "and i'd be a fool to pay you less than 75,000 alabama fun bux" "i don't usually do this, but i like the look of you; deal" Jakey and the man shake hands. Jakey gives the man 75,000 Alabama Fun Bux, and the man gives Jakey a box of Motherfucker Cookies. "TO THE HOUSE" The Jakey symbol flashes on-screen.
"hey where'd my car go" "THAT IS UNIMPORTANT IT IS HANUKKAH TIME" Jakey dumps the cookies onto the plate and waits. Shortly, Hanukkah Guy comes tumbling down the chimney and falls into the net. "GUYS I GOT HIM" "hey let me go" "no" "fuck" "eif call the white house" "on it" Eif dials the White House. "hello white house this is kathy speaking" "put president obama on the line" "why should i do that" "we have hanukkah guy and a list of demands" "gasp" Kathy redirects the call to President Obama. "hello president obama speaking" "president obama we have hanukkah guy and a list of demands, which, if not met, will spell certain doom for hanukkah guy" "what how do you have hanukkah guy" "a big net" "oh that sounds logical" Obama coughs. "can you put him on" "sure" Eif puts the phone up to Hanukkah Guy's head. "hello" "hey hanukkah guy it's me obama" "oh hey obama" "hey am i on the nice list this year" "totally" "sweet" Eif takes the phone back. "so like" "what do you guys want anyway" Eif grabs the demands list and puts on his reading glasses. "we want you to go on record and say that we are pretty cool guys" "ahem" "and girls" "okay" "we also would like the diamonds if it's not too much trouble" Obama sweats. "can i get back to you on that" "oh sure we'll be here" "okay cool bye" Obama and Eif hang up. "what's up" "he said he'll get back to us" "oh boy oh boy" "i can't wait to get it on record that i am a pretty cool guy" "same" "you know what would make this hanukkah even better" "what" "A HARLEQUIN FOETUS KNIGHT"
Sheriff Antony twirls his revolvers. "heh" Bran launches the harlequin foetus knight into the air, and Sheriff Antony shoots it with his revolvers. Taylor leaps into the air and impales the harlequin foetus knight. Taylor leaps off, and Tony runs at the harlequin foetus knight, sword dragging across the floor, and releases it into a deadly spiral of energy. The harlequin foetus knight is launched into the air, and Michelle leaps at it and kicks it at a wall. Amiee :3 makes pastry for Jakey and Eif as they play Strip Parcheesi. "so like" "yeah?" "what now" "well according to protocol, one of us has to get his/her powers now" "but i already have them" "play along you you not-very-cool guy" "TAKE THAT BACK" "okay yeah that was mean" "OKAY" Jakey runs around aimlessly and gets struck by a bolt of electricity. Electricity shoots from Jakey's left hand and obliterates the harlequin foetus knight. "wow nice job jakey" "yeah you're pretty cool" "you mean it?!" "no" "fuck"